Did I tell you?

Our oldest daughter got married? In June? Well, she did. :-)

She was beautiful. She is beautiful. And now, I have a son-in-law. Weird. :P

Random comeback post 3

Today we are watching the Lion King. Can you believe my kids have only seen this one time? It's amazing when they are watching something brand new. They are quiet, except when asking questions of course. "Is that the mommy lion?" "Look Mama, it's a baby!" "Is that the bad guy Lion?" "Look at that monkey!" "Is that the good lion?" My kids are so cute, if I do say so myself.

This morning, I also have a smurf baby. She loves blueberries and we tend to have the frozen variety. Once thawed, There is quite a lot of blueberry watery goodness to spread around. Sometimes I wonder why I bathe them at all......

The 11 year old....oh how I love him. He is currently on a mission to find the lid to a Tupperware cereal container. He is *angry*. He has looked in 1 place and it's not there so he should BE DONE. But, **I** insist he use his powers of -reasoning- (he has them, even if he doesn't want to nlbelieve it) and KEEP LOOKING throughout the kitchen. I am just soooooo mean. Lol.

He can be awfully sweet too. The other night there was a.magical "homeschool paycheck" moment here. I was trying to get the house tidied up (and by trying, I mean knitting and staring at the mess *thinking* about how I *should* tidy up). I looked over and there was the Wobbers, with a toddler, an almost kindergartner, and a baby, all huddled in his lap intently listening to the story he was reading aloud to them. ::swoon:: I love watching my children in impromptu moments like that.

Did you hear me say, "almost a kindergartner"? Did you hear the shaking in my voice? She's almost 5. I am going to be completely responsible for teaching a child to read, write and all that other stuff. I purchase some good reading material when the tax refund came in - Sonlight P4/5 curriculum. I hope she loves it as much as I have loved perusing it. I am sure the 3 year old will love the books too. Wobbs was a little jealous that his books weren't as "cool" as the little kid books.

Some Random Thoughts Floating Around In My Head

~God made 11 year olds to give us the opportunity to practice patience.

Or to bring us closer to Him in our suffering. I haven't decided yet.

~I am sick of sleeping with my 2 year old. He is disruptive at night. It is annoying. I am an attachment parent at heart, so I am not really sure what to do about this and I also feel a little guilty for saying it.

On the bright side, my annoyance paid off tonight and everyone was asleep and in the(ir) bed(s) at a normal hour: 2 year old at 8 and the 4 year old at 9. Feels good.

~If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know that I hate HATE Daylight Savings Time. I will spare you my semi-annual rant and instead share a good joke I saw about DST on Facebook:

I was talking with an old indian about the reasons for Daylight Savings Time. He thought for a moment and replied, "Only the government would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it on the bottom, and have a longer blanket."

Brilliant.

~Cleaning the house is much easier if you (a) have a schedule and (b) treat it like a job.

A schedule means I don't have to worry everyday about vacuuming. I can worry about it on Tuesday because that is when I will vacuum (unless an entire box of cereal gets dumped on the floor, then I'll vacuum today). It also means the crappiest job of the week gets done on Monday - the bathroom. Oh how I loathe cleaning the bathroom.

Which brings me to point (b). If I want the house to get clean I have to treat it like I would if I were employed and had a supervisor. Only, my supervisor is God because I don't see anybody else around here holding me accountable. It is easy to get, I don't want to say lazy because that's not true, but distracted would be true. There is no one hanging over my shoulder all day to make sure I Get Things Done. Now, when I'm not getting things done, I am not eating bon bons and getting a massage. Generally me being distracted involves nursing the baby and getting stuck under said sleeping baby while being forced to watch "Barbie Mermaidia" on repeat for a few hours while I demand reheated leftovers from my 11 year old because I am starving trying to tandem nurse all day.

If you're wondering what brought on my thoughts for cleaning......it was my husband nicely asking me when the last time I vacuumed was and why he is always doing the laundry on his nights off. (I am still letting him do the laundry sometimes.)

And for kicks......here's my cleaning schedule:

Monday: Bathroom (counter, sink, tub, toilet, floor, wash rugs)
Tuesday: Vacuum and swifter upstairs (living/dining room, bedrooms)
Wednesday: Kitchen Floor (scrub)
Thursday: wash kitchen rugs
Friday: Vacuum downstairs (TV room, woodstove area)
Saturday: Vacuum stairs and entryway (husband or the boy does this)
Sunday: Laundry catch up day

These are just the "big" things. Stuff like laundry, dishes, kitchen counters, etc get done (I'd like to believe) everyday.

I suppose that could have been its own post.

~I am part of the Reductio Sock swap again on Ravelry. I have knit my mini sock but still need to knit another mini item. This round's theme is Ministry of Magic. I am stuck. Any ideas?

~I finally got the right size needles to knit my club yarn and started a hat for Rose. Because it's March. In Wisconsin. And its cold. At least, I am telling myself that even though I should probably just wait and knit it for next year.

~I think I might be able to use this android phone as a modem after all. There is an app on the phone called "wireless.modem". It has directions to use it. I am going to give it a go this week and see if I can load some photos onto Ye Olde Blog.

I Need A Chick

This is what I told my husband yesterday in the midst of an angry breakdown. I just need a chick to talk to.

It wasn't that he wasn't good enough. He's just not a woman (thank God!). And there was no one to talk to. And I fell apart.

My BFF (ha! I love using "in" language) has breast cancer. Not that that particular problem would keep us from talking, she actually has relatives visiting and I just don't want to bother her. And I have to mention the cancer because I am concerned I will lose her. There. I said it.

My other friend never seems to be able to talk when I call.

My best knitting buddy ever is moving in two weeks 2 1/2 hours north of my house. Craptacular.

We went to Mass at a parish closer to our house this weekend. 20 minutes to the church vs. 1 1/2 hours to our regular parish. It was awful. Let me elaborate:

How many EMC do you need when there are only 100 people in attendance (they had 8!!)?

Why were the EMC's consuming the host at the same time as the priest did (yes, he actually handed it out to them before he consumed it himself)?

Why didn't we sing the "Alleluia" before the Gospel? Or any of the other things we normally sing at a Sunday Mass (all were spoken, like a weekday Mass)?

We were out of there in thirty minutes. 3-0. On The Feast Day of Corpus Christi.

I left wondering if I attended a valid Mass. I also was so very distracted by the lack of reverence that I found myself unable to really participate in the Mass. I prayed afterward, in front of the Tabernacle, and asked Jesus to forgive me for being distracted and to forgive those in the parish for their disrespect. I asked him to help me be closer to him even when I don't "feel" like I am.

And then I had the shittiest day ever.

I got in a big pissing match with my husband over his attention to our biological children vs his biological children. I was very much picking a fight for I-don't-know-why. Then I tried to call somebody to just get it off my chest and there was no one.

My pelvis was heavy and hurting all day. I tried really hard to talk to my husband (when there wasn't any women available) about this and he just said, "Well duh. You're pregnant." I KNOW I"M PREGNANT. HELLO! I just needed to talk to someone (a chick, a mom) who would understand that even though I was very much excited for this new life within me, it still sucks feeling like your insides are going to fall out your bottom all day. It sucks having another human have the hiccups near your butt. Your butt shouldn't be shaking from the inside. Seriously.

I ended up driving into the big city anyway later that evening to get groceries. I calmed down. There was still no one to talk to. I tried calling my husband. And get this, he said "For someone who has so much Faith, maybe you should just let Him take care of it for a while." Can you believe it?! The nerve. Oh wait a minute. He was totally right. So I stopped trying to call every (three people) person I could and just sat in the quiet. It wasn't working. So I put on Relevant Radio (do they have that where you are? Awesome, Catholic radio). That was better.

There are still issues, and for some reason I am not sleeping at night. But the anger is out of me.

And now, to back-track a little, what do I do about the Mass? Do you just go somewhere else (I will)? Am I supposed to say something? Do I call the priest and (respectfully) ask him about my concerns? Do I write him a letter about my experience? Do I write to the Bishop (who is at my regular parish)? As a "young" Catholic, I am a little lost about what would be appropriate. I just thought the whole thing was weird (and distracting) (and irreverent). My husband thought it was just different and thinks I need to let it go.

Sorry not to have a point here.....I just needed to vent and ramble. Thanks. Sometimes I just need a chick. Which is why I have bloggers (ok, I know at least one of you is a guy, my apologies). My husband actually asked me the other night why I have so many blogs bookmarked on my phone. It's because I love you guys. You keep me sane.

In which God asks me to submit to His will.....

.....again.

Time to think of names again.

Just Because

We need some Joy around here:

What an awesome big brother she has. I am so proud of the man my little boy is growing into.



Lovey says, "Spaghetti is good. But not as good as the mookies!!"



Sheesh. My Flower is SO CUTE!! I can't even stand it! She's started wearing my old ballet costumes around. So precious.

Proud papa and his other baby girl. She still needs prayers folks. Keep 'em coming.

And yes! One good picture of my boys together! I love you guys!

(I hope you enjoyed that, Aunt San.)

Mowing the Lawn

My husband and I "mow the lawn" occasionally at our house. In the event that we need to keep the subject matter PG, this is terminology we can use without the kids being any the wiser....or other peoples kids if in mixed company.

Not that we talk about mowing the lawn often or with people we don't or do know. We're not perverts. Just every now and then, especially with close friends (mostly my close friends and I talking alone) the subject comes up.

So at our house it's "mowing the lawn". If you're not following, I'm not talking about grass or any outdoor activity (although some people, somewhere, probably do consider this an outdoor activity). When I talk of the "fruits" of our gardening.....I don't mean flowers, even though we call one of our children Flower. I mean kids. You get it now.

Ok.

So, my husband and I decided to mow the lawn. The babies were asleep in our bed, and the big kid was downstairs playing video games. We settled on the babies room. It was empty and convenient.

We learned a few things:

1) We are not as young as we once were.
2) Carpet sucks.
3) We really like the cushioning of our bed.

We also learned why we hate toys that talk. Case in point.

My husband's mother bought this for our Flower for her first Christmas. We were going to throw it out, but we kept it around. She never played with it. It's been almost 3 years.

My Lovey really likes this toy. It says things like, "Green Hand." "Blue Ear." See the picture? You get it. It says it's body parts when you press them. When it's in the "music" mode it plays songs, etc.

When you press it's tummy it says, "Tummy".

So, we're mowing the lawn. On the HARD floor, which really hurts. Trying really hard to be real quiet. Out of nowhere, the little dog says, "Yellow Foot."

I laugh. My husband laughs. We continue.

No one touches the toy. A few minutes later......

Out. Of. Nowhere.

"You're my friend!"

Now let me tell you, I was almost in tears at this point, I was laughing so hard. I also noticed that my lower back was screaming at me to get up.

Still, must go on.

Out of nowhere, the lawn mower stops. I didn't even hear anything and I gave my husband what I'm sure was a "wtf are you doing???" kind of look when again an interruption occurred.

He says, "Yes?"

Wobbs says, "Are you guys in there?"

I think, "Here's your sign."

Hubby says, "Yes."

Wobbs - "Are you OK?"

No dude. We're not ok. Go away.

Hubby says, "Go watch a movie."

Wobbs - "Ok. Just checking on you."

Ugh.

Week 1...

My husband has missed most of this week's meals. He has worked four 12 hour shifts since Thursday and doesn't really care what's being made. On Friday, when I made my Bean and Portabella Mushroom Enchiladas (recipe to follow), he politely asked for some cheese sandwiches and microwave popcorn to take to work. Hmm.

So far I like this menu planning. We'll see if I get sick of eating the same thing every week. Every. E-V-E-R-Y. Doesn't that word look weird?? It doesn't seem right. You know how if you focus too long on how a word is spelled and sounds it starts to sound and look funny. Say it with me - every. Every. Every. Every. E-very. "ee" "vary"???? I know I'm off track - THIS IS HOW MY BRAIN WORKS PEOPLE.

Right now, I'm chomping on some leftover meatloaf and potatoes from last night. Yummy.

I stuck to the plan all week and forced myself to cook meals (as planned) even on nights when I did NOT feel like cooking, or cleaning up the kitchen to cook for that matter. The only night I skipped was tonight. Seeing all the leftovers in the fridge made me think better than to add another log to the fire. Maybe I'll have to incorporate a "leftover night" in next month's menu.

Pros and Cons from this week.

Pros

• Cooking this often has forced me to do dishes more often, therefore resulting in (slightly) cleaner kitchen
• Making a menu and planning ahead has made me think more about what we're eating
• Planning necessitates organization

Cons

• Cooking this often has forced me to do dishes more often, therefore resulting in (slightly) cleaner kitchen
• Making a menu and planning ahead has made me think more about what we're eating
• Planning necessitates organization

Yes, I realize the same thing is on both lists. I did that on purpose. It's supposed to be funny. No, I'm not nuts.

Ok, a real con - Cutting corners by using some processed foods to save time ('cause I got a baby and a toddler, not to mention more kids) has caused an interesting smell to creep into our home. Namely, flatulence. Really yucky, stinky-smelling, everyone-thinks-Dad-did-it-but-he's-at-work, flatulence. We are all laughing right now.

Doing extra dishes does kind of suck, but it's kind of nice too. Another pro is not thinking about "what's for dinner?" I hate doing that and this eliminates that issue.

My last big goal for this week is going to be to make an inventory list of my kitchen that I can print and fill out each week before I go shopping to see what I already have vs. what I need.

Recipe, as promised:

Bean and Portabella Mushroom Enchiladas

1 can refried beans (15 oz.-ish)

1 can enchilada sauce (15 oz.-ish, I like Old El Paso)

6 flour or corn tortillas, 6 inch

1 8 oz bag shredded cheese (we like Kraft "Taco" cheese, it's got seasonings in it, and probably some MSG, but hey, it's good)

2-3 Portabella Mushroom Caps (these I found regular priced for $2.49 for 14 oz. at the big city's grocery store!! the 2-3 were leftover from the strogonoff I made on Wednesday, the original plan was just bean enchiladas)

Oven 350

Slice portabellas to thickness you like. Spread beans, sprinkle cheese, lay mushrooms, and spoon enchilada sauce into the center of each tortilla. Roll up and place seam side down in 8x8 baking pan. Pour remaining sauce (about 1/2 the can should be left) over enchiladas. Sprinkle insane ample amount of cheese over sauce. Bake for 20 minutes OR cover with plastic/foil/lid and put in freezer (which is what I did) for another night. Take out in the morning to thaw and then put in 350 oven for 25 minutes.

Inhale Eat enchiladas at leisure.

Double recipe for 9x13 pan.

Goes great with my step-mother's authentic Mexican Rice -

1 small white or yellow onion

4 on-the-vine tomatoes

2 tablespoons tomato boullion (yes it has MSG, yes it's delicious, no I don't think about it)

2 cups medium grain white rice (I like Goya)

2-3 tablespoons corn oil (must be corn oil, it gives it some of it's flavor)

4 cups VERY HOT water

In a large-ish, high sided, 12 inch (or bigger) frying-type pan (can I be a little more indistinct??) heat oil and uncooked rice over medium high heat, stirring constantly until rice is a beautiful golden brown. DO NOT skip this step. It is boring, but it makes your rice taste awesome. Meanwhile ('cause you've got 4 hands, right?), wash the tomatoes (T-O-M-A-T-O, this one's wrong too, tomato, to-mat-o). Cut into quarters and place in food processor OR blender. Peel and quarter the onion. Put onion and tomato boullion in the food processor OR blender. If using food processor, let 'er rip. If using a blender, add about half of the VERY HOT water and let 'er rip. Turn the heat down on the pan. FP - pour contents into pan at the same time as VERY HOT water. B - pour contents in and add the rest of the VERY HOT water. Turn heat up to high & bring to a boil. Cover and simmer over very low heat for about 1/2 hour, or until all the water is absorbed, stirring once or twice during cooking. It will be hot, hot, hot so let it sit for about 10 minutes with the lid off away from heat before you dig in or you'll scorch your tongue.

~H

Monthly Menu Experiment

My friend suggested that I conquer the kitchen and my sanity by planning a menu. I've done this before without great results. Her suggestion was to pick 7 meals that everyone will eat and remake the same 7 meals each week. Easy shopping, easy cooking, easy organizing.

This is week 1 of the experiment. This month's menu is:

Sunday - Spaghetti Bake (noodles (wheels, penne, etc.), sauce, meat, shredded cheese, baked until bubbly)
Monday - Spaghetti with Meat Sauce
Tuesday - Homemade Mexican Rice, with seasoned beef, cheese, sour cream, salsa and tortilla chips
Wednesday - Beef and Mushroom Strogonoff
Thursday - Chicken Teriyaki Rice
Friday (it's Lent folks) - Alternate Bean & Mushroom Enchiladas OR Mushroom Alfredo (which would normally be Chicken & Mushroom Alfredo)
Saturday - Meatloaf w/Mashed Potatoes

I took stock of my pantry, refrigerator, and freezer......and made a list. I only bought the things on my list. I also included items for lunch. A common lunch that lasts all week is Chicken & Broccoli Alfredo. But mostly, lunch will be leftovers. Breakfast is either eggs, waffles, or cereal. My secret snack is homemade granola.

I am curious to see if I can keep up with the planning and stay on track. I posted my monthly menu on a bulletin board and taped the weekly menu, complete with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, on the door of my pantry. I bought two weeks worth of groceries and should only have to refill things like eggs, milk, and produce next week, which will hopefully make for a short, inexpensive shopping trip.

My same friend suggested that I think about what is reasonable to spend on groceries for a week, a month, a day, etc. I have always struggled with this. Am I spending too much? Not enough? Does what I spend make sense for us?

She had heard that a good amount is $4/day/person - $.50 for breakfast, $1.00 for lunch, $1.50 for dinner, and $.50 for snacks (2/day).

For my family of 7, which is sometimes only 5, that comes to: $20/day x 2 weeks = $280 and $8/day x 1 week = $56 (they're only here 7 out of 14 days)....grand total $336/2 weeks or $168/week.

I was surprised to find once I used this formula that I actually do spend a reasonable amount of income on groceries most of the time. To keep it in check, I need to make sure I bring a list, only buy what's necessary, and stay away from tempting, easy fix items like pizza rolls and cookies. Keeping staples in stock by buying in bulk is helping too. I always have enough flour, sugar, butter, oats, dried fruit, chocolate chips, etc., to make cookies, granola, waffles, cake (which I have not had in over a week!!), pancakes, or any other baked good my family desires.

I'll keep you posted on the menu experiment. I wonder how my family will like it?

~H

A Sign That You're Doing Too Much

That is what my dear friend and local LLL leader told me when I called her to inquire about the unyielding, firery torment afflicting one of my breasts. Indeed, after 24 hours of homecare (hot water compresses, heating pads, massaging, frequent torture nursing) and a fever of 101.5, chills, and being hit by a truck all over aches, I had mastitis.

Ouch does not begin to cover the pain inflicted by such an infection.

It came on very suddenly, going from, "I think maybe he has a bad latch *headscratch*," to "I'm going to scream if I have to nurse for two more seconds!!" in about 3 hours. Mastitis is no trip to the park. I offered all my suffering up to Him, and I'm sure He'll do good with it.....but it still was the pits. I'm on antibiotics which is a big step into mainstream medical society for me. I'm feeling better each day but not totally healthy yet.

My friend is convinced that I am doing too much. I am convinced my life needs some reorganization and prioritizing.

Getting back into the swing of school is harder than I thought it would be. Some of our old problems, such as lack of respect on the part of my 3rd grader, are resurfacing and they are crushing my spirits. My house is in disarray. My clothes don't fit. I confess I do not own a bra that fits me and have been wearing the same too small nursing tank everyday for 3 months (I do wash it every few days). I haven't done a lick of my own homework since My Lovey was born. I'm just feeling down and overall sorry for myself.

I am praying for a change in my heart, something to bring me back into the vocation with renewed strength. I know I am doing as God intends for me, I just need a little kick in the butt.

For now, I am going to clean my kitchen, do some laundry, get some sleep, cuddle my babies, and pray to Our Mother for her intercession.

~H

P.S. I have actually been knitting something through all this complaining and feeling sorry for myself. I will post pictures soon. I also hand dyed (with Kool-Aid) some wool I have. Neat stuff.

Not "Enough"

Lately, I have been tempted to feel not "enough".

Sometimes, it's not Catholic enough. Others, not "crafty" enough. And there's always the not blogging "enough". Not a good mama enough. Not a good enough cook (ok, well, really I am a good enough cook, I take that one back). Not thin enough. Not pretty enough. Not able to keep up with everything enough.

Why do we allow ourselves to feel this way?

As women, I think it is easy enough not to feel enough ALL THE TIME. Look at mainstream society. We are bombarded with images of "adults" looking like preteen, super skinny, airbrushed, "perfect" creatures. It takes a true turn to look at what God intended for us to realize how fake indeed that idea of beauty is.

Women were designed to have families. Families prevent us from being perfect in society's eyes, but not God's. When I look at myself in the mirror, I *try* (very hard) to see not an imperfect body, but what my body shows I have done for my family.

My soft, round middle is the purple heart for the three glorious children I have bore, without the need for drugs, thankyouverymuch. My overspilling (yes, they overspill) breasts are proof positive that I have nourished my children in the divine manner that God gave me. My short hair is end product of being able to keep my baby near me at all times, even when I shower. My jeans are snug fitting because instead of taking time for Pilates or Yoga, I surrender myself to attachment parenting and know that my children are receiving the best care I can offer them. Period. My clothes aren't the most fashionable, because my money and time are better spent caring for my home than for my wardrobe.

As far as those other "enough"s are concerned:

I try not to take things others do too seriously. Sometimes when I am out in the bloggy world it is too easy to get caught up thinking, "How come they have so much time to write such inspiring things? Why does their blog look so cool? How come I'm not making people want to read my blog?" I realize that these are temptations of satan himself trying to make me feel inadequate and lure me away from my true responsibility, that of sole care-provider for my home and family.

Sometimes, at Mass, I am tempted to feel not Catholic enough. Is there such a thing? Or is this yet another hit the devil takes at me to make me feel lacking and unqualified?

I see other families with perfectly behaved children, Mom and Dad in their Sunday best, no snacks, no one distracted. But my children are children. They act like regular kids. They don't always pay attention and we could never make it through Mass without a bottle of water and some cheerios.

Are jeans really that horrible? My husband has been away from the Church for the majority of his life. I thing God is pretty darn happy that he shows up at all, jeans or no.

And when my kids are sick, or I am 2 weeks post-partum, I have to believe that God understands that I can't make it if I am to fulfill his request that I tend to my vocation as mother and care for my children. Sometimes also, it's just too cold to take the little ones out of the house.

And so, I will try to feel instead of "not enough" that I am in fact doing just as He intended for me to do. Enough.

~H

Thankful This Advent Season

I am thankful for my $200 heating bill this month.....because it means I have a home to heat.

I am thankful that my jeans do not fit....because it means I have enough to eat.

I am thankful for the constant "noise" of my home....because it is filled with love.

I am thankful for the chaos of my days.....because it means I have a reason to organize.

I am thankful for the kids bickering....because it means I have been blessed with a large family.

I am thankful for the dirty laundry.....because it means we have clothes to wear.

I am thankful for the dirty dishes....because we have food to cook.

I am thankful for occasional argument with my spouse....because it means neither of us have to be perfect.

I am thankful for confession....because He has given us a Sacrament for His Forgiveness.

I am thankful for the Mass.....because it means we have a Savior.

I am thankful for my cross....because it brings me closer to Him.

~H

Must Stick To the Plan!

I am keeping to the no nap rule. However with the addition of Daylight Savings Time (read post about this crazy thing here) and Daddy moving his work schedule to nights, the inevitable has happened:

We are now sleeping while we eat. Yes folks, this is My Petite Flower, asleep with her hand in her macaroni & cheese, head bobbing like, well, a bobble head. You can't see her bobbing because this is just a two-dimensional photograph. But I assure you, bobbin' it was.

I rather like the "macaroni in the front of her dress" look. The new fall fashion for toddlers - coming soon to a kitchen near you.

She did finally keel over and get into a deep snooze. So deep, in fact, that when I took the tray away, did the dishes, and came back to her, she was still asleep. I gave her a rather vigorous rubbing with a wet washcloth (to get all the cheese off, for Pete's sake!) and she still slept. I decided she must be very tired to stay asleep through that and transferred her to the couch.

So now, it is midnight and guess who's still awake? *SIGH* I guess we'll try again tomorrow.

~H

Bearing the Cross

Dear Daddy,

I am having such a hard time dealing with this cross you have given me. I am very angry and hurt. It hurts so much sometimes that I don't even want to get out of bed. Just when I feel the weight being lifted a little bit, like Your holding a little of the weight for me, it seems like You drop the whole of it back on me again.

I don't know why You have given me such a heavy one. Aren't there any lighter ones up there I could trade for this one? Or maybe just a smaller one?

Either way - this one is considerably substantial and burdensome. It gnaws at my very being, at the very Sacrement it defies. I am trying to be a good steward of my vocation, but lately it is just so awful that I am not sure I can go on.

Please help me. I cannot carry this cross alone. I offer You my suffering as a sacrifice, for myself as a sinner, for other sinners, and for the conversion of hearts. You know particularly which one I am talking about.

Daddy, without You I will not make it. Please help me to love You more. Help me trust You and your infinite wisdom. The plan You have for me is not known by any other than You, and I am sure there is a great reason behind this precise burden you have put upon me. Please use me well. Help others to see You Light through me. Keep me from shadowing You so that all others may know Your Glory.

I trust in You. Help me to keep my faith and hope in You alive.

Heather

Like Nailing Jello to a Tree

Parenting a toddler. Or a teenager for that matter - like nailing Jello to a tree.

You try. You try your best and think very hard about how to proceed. Do I slice the Jello a little thinner? What if I use less water when making it? Shorter nails? Longer nails? A tree with a softer wood maybe?

My dilemma this week is: to nap or not to nap?

I've talked often of my issues with sleeping and waking times, here and here - both my own and that of my children. After much hell, er very strict practice, I have gotten into the habit of being up by 8am at the latest in the morning, but usually by 6:30 or 7. My baby gets up with me, the Wobbers gets up about 1/2 hour after I do, no doubt from hearing me muse about the kitchen, and My Petite Flower....well that's the issue. Sometimes she gets up with me and sometimes I let her sleep a little. But usually within the hour of my waking, she's up. That is not, per se, the issue.

It's the problem after she's awake. She's up by 8 or 9 most days, sometimes 7.

If she doesn't get a nap, she's pretty darn cranky by about 6 pm. If she is allowed to sleep then, she sleeps till 8 or so then is up until 12 or 1, which I can no longer handle now that I am not pregnant. If I attempt to drag her through the crankiness not allowing her rest, I can give her a bath at 8, be reading books at 8:30, and lay with her through 15 minutes of crying and she's out by 8:45.

If she does nap during the day, she falls asleep sometime between 1 and 3 PM and sleeps anywhere from 1/2 hour to 2 1/2 hours. As you can imagine, this poses some issues. But the real issue is then she doesn't want to go to bed until around 10 or 11. I can still give her the bath at 8 and try for bed by 9, but the results are fruitless. We end up sitting in bed with me very angry and her making lots of blabbering noises to herself because she's not tired. So we get up and I wait until she is tired at 10 or 11. Then sleep is a little easier.

All of these nights, nap or no, are compounded with the problem of trying to get her asleep while keeping My Little Man either asleep or at least content. If he's already asleep, it's great. I can rest him on my chest and cradle her in my left arm. If he's not asleep and wants to nurse, then I have to try and nurse him while she's trying to fall asleep, all the while having her say, "Arm, arm, arm. Arm. Arm!" Meaning - give me your arm to sleep, Mama. While I say, "In a minute. I've got to nurse Little Man (I say his name here actually, but I'm trying to keep it off the blog). I'll give you my arm when he's done." She doesn't like this one bit. So she tries to grab my arm or thrashes around on the bed a bunch. If she would just calm down and let me nurse him, he'd fall asleep and then we could all sleep. *sigh* But she's just a little girl and doesn't get that. She annoys him by rubbing her hands all over his head, which annoys me, which makes no one relax.

Bottom line: I have to make a decision. Do I go for the nap in the afternoon and deal with a later bedtime OR do I forgo said nap and keep my sanity at night but deal with extreme crankiness?

Things that make you go hmmm.

~H

Frugal Living

In an attempt to stretch my husband's hard earned dollar as far as it will go, I have been doing a lot of "reading up" on frugality. I've run into a TON of information. It's a little overwhelming and mind-boggling.

This morning, I was over at The Coupon Game and I spent an untold amount of time trying to learn what I could and even went to this website and printed off some coupons. I am also really liking the lady over at Like Merchant Ships and her advice/examples. Jen at Conversion Diary had some links posted to Laine's Letters , especially this one about how they paid off their house in 17 years on a minimal income of less than $30K/year and also recommended The Two Income Trap for reading. Interestingly enough, in one of the first chapters of this book the main example she uses about the middle-class being forced into a two income home to keep their place was that of men who were police officers, as mine recently has become.

I've been thinking and reading up on all this stuff for a few weeks now, and I have some questions about this idea of frugality that I believe the Lord is drawing me to.

How much time is prudent to spend coupon clipping?
Does it "pay" to print coupons at home on my printer using my own ink and paper?
Should I start buying the Sunday paper?
What can we live without?
Can I convince my husband to cancel the cable?
Should we drop the car insurance to just liability?
Do we really need a cell phone (or two, as it is in our house)?
What about Christmas?
Can I give up my "name brand" staples, like Heinz Ketchup, Miracle Whip, Kraft Cheese and Prego, for the "store brand"?
How much organic and natural products can I continue to purchase now that I am trying to stay within a food budget?
What is a reasonable food budget for a family of 7?
How can I be a good steward of our earnings and still keep my family happy without seeming like the KillJoy of our family?

As I ponder these questions, I ask you, my dear readers, for some help and advice through these questions:

How much do you spend weekly/monthly on groceries?

What size family do you have?

Is eating out once month/week in your budget (right now, it's not in ours)?

Do you clip coupons?

How do you "bargain shop"?

What other things do you do that really help save money in your home?

Am I nuts to think that I can survive the year buying only used clothing?

How do I convince my extended family that my kids really (really, really, really) don't need toys for Christmas this year? (Because we already have way too much stuff in our house and I'd like to minimize what we already have, and teach them the value of Christmas, i.e. that Christ came to die for our sins.)

Please leave a comment and answer if you can. The more the merrier!

~H

What Can You Do In 3 Hours?

Well, lets see. That depends on how many kids you have around. When I have my newborn keeping my tightly strapped in a chair nursing, combined with my toddler pulling items out of cupboards, closets, drawers, and bags, and my eight year old asking "What's this?", "How do you...?", "Can I do.....", the answer is not much.

When EVERYBODY but you is asleep -

Sort unusually large amount of laundry for washing
Resort clothes already sorted by eight year old earlier in the day
Fold 5 loads of laundry
Wash and dry 4 loads of laundry
Make tomorrow's lunch for family
Have a snack
Not share your Haagen Daz ice cream with toddler
Wash dishes from making lunch
Wash dishes from cooking meat for the week (which were left out from the 2 hours spent cooking earlier)
Pick up toddler's toys in living room
Catch up on great TV show about Duggar Family
Get diapers ready for bed time
Wash dishes found around the house
Pick up (MORE) dirty laundry found around the house
Take clean laundry to rooms they belong in
Have a nice glass of peach-iced-tea (made earlier)
Update your blog in peace

What a nice time by myself!! Although, I'm sure I'll be tired tomorrow. :)

Thanks be to GOD!

Oops! I did it again....

I know, I know. I promised no more long pauses. Well, not promise exactly. But I casually mentioned that I was going to make an effort not to let it go too long.

Times they are a changin'.

My life, being busy as always, has been far too busy for this or anything else related to time to one's self. But maybe that's the point.

Let me explain. First, I have had time to read some other blogs. While on vacation from posting here I have read up on many important subjects and pondered some very important things: the upcoming election, prayer, sacrifice, abortion, the origin of the word fetus, Montessori learning (for my toddler), karate (for my 8 year old), sore nipples (from my newborn, who's 8 weeks old now)....just to name a few.

The most important thing I read and reflected on was how life is not about what you do but whom you serve. It lead me to rethink my busy-ness (which, ironically, I was going to spell business). My vocation from the Lord is to be a wife and mother. I am studying to be a midwife, which I also feel called to do, but I feel like that calling is something that is meant to be put on hold until my children are (much) older.

So if what I do is being a mom, housewife, homemaker, spouse, partner, or whatever other conventional label you want to give it - who am I serving?

The obvious answer is I serve my family. And there is truth in that. I serve my husband. I am a diligent steward of the sacrifices he makes for our family and he is honestly my best friend. I serve my children, not just things like breakfast and dinner. I serve them by helping them grow and learn, gently guiding them (sometimes forcefully) to God through (I hope) love and faith. But who is at the heart of all of this? And what am I telling my children about my vocation as they see me drag myself through the day, exhausted at times and even, *gasp*, complaining (ok, a lot of complaining).

Whom do I serve?

I realize, after much reflection and with much humility, that my ultimate vocation is to serve God. I haven't been chosen to serve Him through consecrated life or single life. I haven't been given a gift that can readily be shared with the poor or sick, although I do strive to incorporate that into my life (God help me). I have been chosen to serve God by serving those who He has put into my life and my care.

The precious children he has entrusted to me are my service and my gift to Him and the world He created. What kind of example am I to them if I constantly grumble and whine about the vocation I have been called to? Would He want me to teach them that if this indeed becomes their calling that they too should dread it? Would He want me to be uninspiring? I think not.

With much pondering of these questions I have a new found joy about my everyday busyness (again, my neato word) and the occasional burnout and weariness I face. It is truly a blessing to be a mother to these children, and a wife, companion, and friend to my husband. The legacy I want to leave to my children is one of profound humility, joy (again, 'cause I just can't think of a better word), prudence, and courage at being found worthy enough to be called by Him to serve.

~H

P.S. Expect more posts, especially those with a political flair, to come soon.