Thursday, January 29, 2009

A Sign That You're Doing Too Much

That is what my dear friend and local LLL leader told me when I called her to inquire about the unyielding, firery torment afflicting one of my breasts. Indeed, after 24 hours of homecare (hot water compresses, heating pads, massaging, frequent torture nursing) and a fever of 101.5, chills, and being hit by a truck all over aches, I had mastitis.

Ouch does not begin to cover the pain inflicted by such an infection.

It came on very suddenly, going from, "I think maybe he has a bad latch *headscratch*," to "I'm going to scream if I have to nurse for two more seconds!!" in about 3 hours. Mastitis is no trip to the park. I offered all my suffering up to Him, and I'm sure He'll do good with it.....but it still was the pits. I'm on antibiotics which is a big step into mainstream medical society for me. I'm feeling better each day but not totally healthy yet.

My friend is convinced that I am doing too much. I am convinced my life needs some reorganization and prioritizing.

Getting back into the swing of school is harder than I thought it would be. Some of our old problems, such as lack of respect on the part of my 3rd grader, are resurfacing and they are crushing my spirits. My house is in disarray. My clothes don't fit. I confess I do not own a bra that fits me and have been wearing the same too small nursing tank everyday for 3 months (I do wash it every few days). I haven't done a lick of my own homework since My Lovey was born. I'm just feeling down and overall sorry for myself.

I am praying for a change in my heart, something to bring me back into the vocation with renewed strength. I know I am doing as God intends for me, I just need a little kick in the butt.

For now, I am going to clean my kitchen, do some laundry, get some sleep, cuddle my babies, and pray to Our Mother for her intercession.


P.S. I have actually been knitting something through all this complaining and feeling sorry for myself. I will post pictures soon. I also hand dyed (with Kool-Aid) some wool I have. Neat stuff.


Aubrey said...

Oh, you have all of my sympathy! Mastitis is HORRIBLE! I had it once with Child #3 and four times in ten months with Child #4. You described it perfectly, right down to being hit by a truck. Good luck! :(

regan said...

i think we all need that little kick in the butt sometimes.
i will pray for you today, that God will give you zeal for your vocation, zeal to clean, organize and prioritize. i have peaks and valleys myself. i must admit that i have everything pretty well organized, but it doesn't always stay that way. however, once you get a system going, it is easier to get things back on track. probably not easy to do with your mastitis. i've had it before and it feels like the dickens-a volcanic burning-tender yet you need to nurse......that is serious penance, my dear. ask your lovely mother in heaven to help, she understands.=)