Did I tell you?

Our oldest daughter got married? In June? Well, she did. :-)

She was beautiful. She is beautiful. And now, I have a son-in-law. Weird. :P

Yes, I am still Pregnant

Sorry for the lack of blogging. Really. I want to blog. I want to connect. (I even got tagged in a meme over at BWYA.) I am just soooo, um, crabby.

I don't know how good blogging will be when all I want to do is tell anyone who will listen how much this SUCKS. And I feel super guilty saying that, especially knowing all the mamas out there who have lost children to miscarriage and stillbirth, or who are unable to conceive at all.

I don't mean to sound as if I am not happy about the joy of new life, or that I don't enjoy and just absolutely LOVE having a new baby (because I do).

I am just a super obnoxious pregnant lady in the last month. I HATE it. I am crabby. My body is crampy. My legs hurt. My ass hurts. My crotch hurts. Ligaments pull. I can't sleep. I annoy my entire family. My breasts grow and itch. I can't find a single thing to wear that fits me. I am tired. I get constipated. Hemorrhoids = asteroids (much better word for them: location, location, location.....not to mention that asteroids explode into a firey hell when exposed to the atmosphere, not unlike hemorrhoids). It is next to impossible to get comfortable for more than 30 minutes at a time. Activities I enjoy with my husband (*clears throat*) are just too hard to accomplish (at least from my end.....men have it soooo easy). Seriously. I am just a sulky, b*tchy person.

Now that I have exposed you to the wretchedness that is me in this month, we will move on.

Hmmm? What shall we talk about? Knitting? Other bloggers? My kids? Pregnancy ailments, oh ya, already covered that. Ummm?

Knitting - I am having a hard time controlling the "cast on" urge. So far, so good. But it is seriously creeping up on me.

Bloggers - I found an interesting blog call "N*ked on the Roof" (Yes, he does spell it with the little asterisk, I am sure to deter people fishing for p0rn). It is by this guy that I think is an electrician (his username is morethananelectrician) and he is pretty funny. I am pretty sure he is married and has kids too. I haven't found any faith references. But so far, I am enjoying it. (I'd link to it, but the link is on my phone and I am just too lazy to look it up now or google it.)

My kids - The Wobbs just got back from a week vacationing with my family in PA. He had a great time. We missed him. It was certainly a different dynamic around here without him. Not good, or bad, better, or worse, just different. Today is his first day back. He's been here for about 4 hours and already the kids are all yelling at each other. Freakin' great. And Flower has been throwing up today. Awesome times two.

Homeschool - It is a lot of work, and sometimes annoying work, to help run a homeschool group. I think it will all work out in the end. We had an awesome "end of the year" campout at the other leader's house this weekend. Her family and mine (especially our husbands, bonus!) get along really well. So it did not bother us too much that not a lot of the other families were able to attend. Oh well. Better to hang with a few real people, real Catholics, with real flaws, than to have a house full of overbearing pious people (not that the other families are all like that, but there were some moms I was ok not seeing for the weekend).

Diapers - I need to get my diapers out and washed and ready to go. Any helpful hints out there about washing diapers with hard water? At our old house we had a really great water softener. My diapers always came out just right. I am a little concerned here about things like residue and smell. I hope it doesn't make too big of a difference, or that it is something that is easily remedied by adding something, like Borax or just more vinegar, to the wash. (Speaking of diapers, I need to order some Charlie's Soap for washing....finally ran out of the 5 gallon bucket I bought almost 4 years ago a few months back.)

Divorce - Seriously people. Watch who you marry. Dealing with my husband's ex-wife is enough to make me want to pull out my hair. This custody case is sucking royally (especially since we did this already, 8 years ago, to the tune of 14K). Figuring out placement sucks. And high school, with all it's sports and crap, also sucks. Did you know that practice for sports starts BEFORE the school year starts? And when you live 45 minutes away from the school and the practice lasts for 3 hours, you have nothing to do with your toddlers for 3 hours in a town where you don't live (parks would be ok, except that it's 2000 degrees of Hades outside with 300% humidity.....okay.....maybe I'm exaggerating, but you get it). And ex-wives just suck. Especially when they think the most important thing in their child's life is their "social life". Don't get divorced people!! God never intended for 2 families to have to share a child (or children).

Have I ranted enough for you? I am really sorry. I don't mean to be so dang crabby and complainy. It's all I got right now. I promise I will be a happy, cheery, wonderful bloggy friend once this baby exits my body. I have 5 weeks of technical time left. Maybe I'll go early again and only have to endure 3 weeks. I have been having a ton of contractions, sometimes all night long. I checked (because, well, I can) and I am dilated to 1 (too bad it's not more) and about 50% effaced. At least those contractions are doing something. :)

Problem With Prayer - Intro

A while back I promised a post with this topic. I am not exactly in the same place I was that day....but I am going to try and get the gist of this off my mind.

As mentioned many times previously on the blog, I am new to faith. Not that I never had any before, I just had a very undefined view of God and my place in the whole spectrum of things. I believed in God, but not going to church. I wasn't anti-church, I just didn't go. I wasn't Protestant or Catholic, or "Non-Denominational Christian". I was just me.

Now that I have Faith, the true Faith, everything is a little different, but some things are the same. I don't take the Lord's name in vain nearly as much as I used to (it's something I take with me to Confession everysingletime, but it's getting better). I still have a hard time with prayer.

When I was a little kid, I used to "say my prayers" before bedtime. My dad (on some non-drunk night I am sure) taught us to say the "Now I lay me down to sleep" prayer and to say "God Bless.......(fill-in-the-blank)". I always felt guilty only asking God to bless the people I knew and cared about. So I devised a system to cover everyone at least once and then those I cared about a little bit more. It makes me laugh to think about it now. I would ask God to bless everyone in the whole world, then everyone who knew someone I knew, then everyone I knew, then everyone I knew and liked, then everyone I was related to, then my favorite relatives, then my mom, dad, and brother. Seems a little overkill and silly to me now. But to my little kid OCD brain it made sense.

My journey into the Faith began with a fall. My marriage was crumbling right before me and I had no idea what to do or how to hold on. My husband came to me one day and told me he didn't love me anymore. I had no idea what to do or where to go with the grief, sadness, disbelief, hurt, and anger I felt. I have serious abandonment issues as it is (my parents kind of sucked, I'll get to that in some other post) and this was the ONE person who had promised never to hurt me or leave me. And here he was, doing both.

I cried. I nursed my baby and cried. I couldn't do anything. I fed the kids. I fed me. I had no one to talk to. It took months before he actually got the truth out - and then I was even more crushed. I had no idea how we were supposed to fix this, IF we were supposed to fix it, how I would live without him, how I would survive mentally, emotionally, and even financially (yes, money crossed my mind, what can I say? I had just recently embraced being a SAHM and given up working).

We had just bought a new house (new to us) and I had heavily lied to get the loan approved. We moved from a big city where I had friends to a little hick-town where my husband's ex-wife lived (to make it easier to get the shared kids to school when I had a newborn). I had just pulled my kid out of public school in the middle of the year to homeschool him permanently (although we couldn't convince the ex to let the other kids out). I hardly knew anyone. Anyone, that is, except the mom of a friend of my son's who had just pulled her kids out of public school and inspired me to do the same.

I had been able to empty everything out to my BFF who lived farther away, but there was little comfort she was able to give me other than an ear to scream and cry to and a pair of arms to hold me when I visited her to cry.

The mom in town had something I didn't have. I remember the first time I talked to her about homeschooling and why would she do that? She said, "Well, we're very Catholic." Hmmm. I just thought the school sucked ass (sorry to be so blunt). I was very casual and said, "Oh, I find God out in the woods when I sit and listen while I'm hunting." I am a little embarrassed I said this now. Actually, I stole those words from my husband because I didn't really have any words for that comment.

Once we were both new homeschoolers living a block away from each other, we started talking a lot more. She could tell something was up. I cried all the time. I didn't want to be home. I'm pretty sure I was eating all the food in her house. She asked if she could do anything. Nope. She said, "You should talk to my friend, Fr. Eric." I said, "I am not Catholic." She said, "He doesn't care. He's my friend. We grew up together. He can help you."

I went to see Fr. Eric. He is, and remains, the most awesome priest I have every met. He GOT IT. He seriously got it, right away. He got my problems, my marriage, everything. He saw that all was not lost and told me God had a plan and wanted my marriage to survive. He looked at the little girl nursing at my breast and told me God obviously blessed our marriage with her and wanted us to stay together.

He gave me a rosary he acquired in the Holy Land that had been blessed by the Pope and taught me the prayers for it. He also gave me a couple of other books which, out of respect to my husband and our privacy, I am not going to share the names of, but they specifically gave me information about what I was going through. Who knew Catholics (and priests!) were so knowledgeable in this area. Ha!

I left his office thinking "Why isn't everyone Catholic? This priest is awesome." Of course, I met some other priests since then and realize that this particular man has a gift and I thank God he chose to share it with the Church. (Note here: I am not saying that this is the only good priest out there or that all other priests are mediocre. Not at all. Fr. Eric is just something special you don't see everyday.)

My new neighbor and homeschooling pal had a few more things to say to me in the coming weeks. "You should come to Mass." "Um, seriously, I am not Catholic." "Doesn't matter. You should just come." And I did.

In the nights where I couldn't sleep after I learned the truth from my husband, the Rosary was my only comfort to quiet the visions in my head causing me such grief. I prayed the Rosary until I fell asleep everynight for probably 3 months. I didn't know much about meditating on the mysteries or the Gospel....I just knew the Hail Mary's, Our Father's, and Glory Be's. I said them over and over and prayed for the images to go away.

I kept going to Mass too. Sometimes I would just sit in the narthex with my nursing baby and cry while my son sat with my friend's family.

I met with Fr. Eric again and cried there some more.

Somewhere in the next 6 months, things got a little better. I still don't know exactly what changed or how it happened (yes there was counseling, and talking, and seeing this priest, and a bunch of other stuff....but really, I can't tell you how it all worked anymore). Somewhere though, I was Catholic.

This was what I had always been searching for. Someone who would love me unconditionally. Someone who did love me and had loved me. Someone who knew me and still loved me. Someone who would never leave me. Somewhere I belonged. Truth. Love. Peace. I found them all with God.

I made the decision to join the Church at Easter. I prepared. I read. I prayed. I kept going to Mass.

My husband couldn't believe that out of "all the religions out there" I had to pick Catholicism. My BFF couldn't believe it either, but she was just happy God was part of the picture now.

We conceived another child in Dec 2007. Yet more proof that God wanted my marriage to survive.

I was confirmed at the Easter Vigil in 2008.

You are probably wondering, just as I am right now, how this all relates into a "problem with prayer". I am getting there. I certainly didn't think I'd go to all this detail (even though I have skipped A LOT of the details to shorten this up) about finding faith and my marriage issues, but apparently I needed to get it out. I am cutting this post short here and will resume (hopefully I'll start typing it right after this) with another post explaining the problem. I figured for you to get where I was coming from you needed/deserved a little background.

I Need A Chick

This is what I told my husband yesterday in the midst of an angry breakdown. I just need a chick to talk to.

It wasn't that he wasn't good enough. He's just not a woman (thank God!). And there was no one to talk to. And I fell apart.

My BFF (ha! I love using "in" language) has breast cancer. Not that that particular problem would keep us from talking, she actually has relatives visiting and I just don't want to bother her. And I have to mention the cancer because I am concerned I will lose her. There. I said it.

My other friend never seems to be able to talk when I call.

My best knitting buddy ever is moving in two weeks 2 1/2 hours north of my house. Craptacular.

We went to Mass at a parish closer to our house this weekend. 20 minutes to the church vs. 1 1/2 hours to our regular parish. It was awful. Let me elaborate:

How many EMC do you need when there are only 100 people in attendance (they had 8!!)?

Why were the EMC's consuming the host at the same time as the priest did (yes, he actually handed it out to them before he consumed it himself)?

Why didn't we sing the "Alleluia" before the Gospel? Or any of the other things we normally sing at a Sunday Mass (all were spoken, like a weekday Mass)?

We were out of there in thirty minutes. 3-0. On The Feast Day of Corpus Christi.

I left wondering if I attended a valid Mass. I also was so very distracted by the lack of reverence that I found myself unable to really participate in the Mass. I prayed afterward, in front of the Tabernacle, and asked Jesus to forgive me for being distracted and to forgive those in the parish for their disrespect. I asked him to help me be closer to him even when I don't "feel" like I am.

And then I had the shittiest day ever.

I got in a big pissing match with my husband over his attention to our biological children vs his biological children. I was very much picking a fight for I-don't-know-why. Then I tried to call somebody to just get it off my chest and there was no one.

My pelvis was heavy and hurting all day. I tried really hard to talk to my husband (when there wasn't any women available) about this and he just said, "Well duh. You're pregnant." I KNOW I"M PREGNANT. HELLO! I just needed to talk to someone (a chick, a mom) who would understand that even though I was very much excited for this new life within me, it still sucks feeling like your insides are going to fall out your bottom all day. It sucks having another human have the hiccups near your butt. Your butt shouldn't be shaking from the inside. Seriously.

I ended up driving into the big city anyway later that evening to get groceries. I calmed down. There was still no one to talk to. I tried calling my husband. And get this, he said "For someone who has so much Faith, maybe you should just let Him take care of it for a while." Can you believe it?! The nerve. Oh wait a minute. He was totally right. So I stopped trying to call every (three people) person I could and just sat in the quiet. It wasn't working. So I put on Relevant Radio (do they have that where you are? Awesome, Catholic radio). That was better.

There are still issues, and for some reason I am not sleeping at night. But the anger is out of me.

And now, to back-track a little, what do I do about the Mass? Do you just go somewhere else (I will)? Am I supposed to say something? Do I call the priest and (respectfully) ask him about my concerns? Do I write him a letter about my experience? Do I write to the Bishop (who is at my regular parish)? As a "young" Catholic, I am a little lost about what would be appropriate. I just thought the whole thing was weird (and distracting) (and irreverent). My husband thought it was just different and thinks I need to let it go.

Sorry not to have a point here.....I just needed to vent and ramble. Thanks. Sometimes I just need a chick. Which is why I have bloggers (ok, I know at least one of you is a guy, my apologies). My husband actually asked me the other night why I have so many blogs bookmarked on my phone. It's because I love you guys. You keep me sane.

In which God asks me to submit to His will.....

.....again.

Time to think of names again.

GO ARMY

The U.S. Army commander in northern Iraq who prohibited pregnancy in his ranks defended his decision Monday, saying his female soldiers are "invaluable" and that he can't afford to lose anyone under his watch at a time when U.S. forces are already drawing down.

Maj. Gen. Anthony Cucolo insisted that those who violate the new rule would not face court martial, even though his new order lists pregnancy under a section of violations punishable by prosecution. So far, the punishments have been in the form of written letters of reprimand.

But he said the order is critical to the goal of keeping his "combat power together."

"I've got a 22,000-man task force and I need every soldier I've got. We are facing a drawdown and anyone that leaves earlier than the expected 12 months creates a burden on their teammates," Cucolo, head of Multi-National Division-North, told Fox News. "My female soldiers are invaluable -- many of them hold high impact jobs. In general, my troops are few in number and I need them all."

Cucolo told Fox News the new rule applies equally to men. "It's not in step with the warrior ethos," he said. "We have to keep an eye on every soldier and so men who break this rule are subject to the same punishments."

Cucolo's 22,000-person task force includes 1,682 women.

Since the rule was implemented Nov. 4, Cucolo said four women have gotten pregnant, leading to reprimands for seven people -- four women and three men. The fourth male was not identified and so was not punished. All of the violators got a written reprimand, but one of the men had that letter entered into his permanent record because he was married.

"That was adultery," Cucolo said.

Well done, ARMY.

I completely agree with this for no less than three reasons:

1) Women can't do everything a man can do.....and I don't think they should be in combat. If you are going to be in combat, don't get mad when you have to give up certain things, like getting pregnant.

2) WTF are you doing banging your comrades anyway??!! That is not part of "loyalty, duty, and selfless service." That's called, "I can't go a few months, or even a year, without thinking about getting off."

3) I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that Maj. Gen. Anthony Cucolo had the balls to call out someone for adultery. In our effed-up moral compass kind of world that is a proclamation that needs to be heard. We should question what kind of authenticity and loyalty a man (or woman) will have within battle lines if they are willing to squash the most sacred and simple commitments that remains in our country.

4) There is a standing general order regarding sex among soldiers. The Major General is simply adding a real-life consequence to violating this order, promoting "thoughtful and responsible behavior among...soldiers."

Those liberal left-wingers are probably going to be screaming about this. "You can't tell a woman what she can do." "Who are you to restrict people to when and where they can get pregnant?"

Really, this issue has very little to do with women's lib or freedom. Being in and on the front lines (or close to them) is NOT a time when you should be contemplating your family size or lack their of. And how many of these random acts of sex are happening between married couples that are deployed together anyway? Hmmm? I'm guessing none.

I say, GO ARMY. I hope more commanders have the moral integrity to stand up for what is right.

Old Hurts

Today, of all days, the devil rears his ugly head and puts into my mind the memory of old pains.

On my way to Mass today, listening to the radio, I distinctly could hear my husband uttering ugly truths to me just as he had done almost 3 years ago. As clear as day, I could see him in my mind, sitting on the couch in a therapist's office after spending 3 days away from our home. He sat there, looking completely pitiful, and told me the worst thing I could have ever imagined to hear.

So, what does one do? I have already reconciled these truths. I have already done much recovery, dealt with my OWN issues, hurt, cried, been angry, loved, and forgiven. What do I do when this hurt builds up behind me and takes me by surprise.

I did the only thing I could do - I took it to the Tabernacle. I took it there, and I left it there. (I hope.)

I was not able to participate in Mass as I would have liked. I spent the majority of Mass, save the Eucharist, in the narthex. So after Mass, I let my eldest son watch my younger two, with the help of his God-siblings, and I gathered myself up to go inside and pray.

I prayed hard. I didn't say anything very deep or rehearsed. I didn't even know what to say. I just asked Him to take it away. I asked for Love. I asked for somebody, preferably Him, to love me as I have never been loved. I asked Him to surround me with His infinite Love and fill my heart until it could hold no more.

Take that, Satan!

Mowing the Lawn

My husband and I "mow the lawn" occasionally at our house. In the event that we need to keep the subject matter PG, this is terminology we can use without the kids being any the wiser....or other peoples kids if in mixed company.

Not that we talk about mowing the lawn often or with people we don't or do know. We're not perverts. Just every now and then, especially with close friends (mostly my close friends and I talking alone) the subject comes up.

So at our house it's "mowing the lawn". If you're not following, I'm not talking about grass or any outdoor activity (although some people, somewhere, probably do consider this an outdoor activity). When I talk of the "fruits" of our gardening.....I don't mean flowers, even though we call one of our children Flower. I mean kids. You get it now.

Ok.

So, my husband and I decided to mow the lawn. The babies were asleep in our bed, and the big kid was downstairs playing video games. We settled on the babies room. It was empty and convenient.

We learned a few things:

1) We are not as young as we once were.
2) Carpet sucks.
3) We really like the cushioning of our bed.

We also learned why we hate toys that talk. Case in point.

My husband's mother bought this for our Flower for her first Christmas. We were going to throw it out, but we kept it around. She never played with it. It's been almost 3 years.

My Lovey really likes this toy. It says things like, "Green Hand." "Blue Ear." See the picture? You get it. It says it's body parts when you press them. When it's in the "music" mode it plays songs, etc.

When you press it's tummy it says, "Tummy".

So, we're mowing the lawn. On the HARD floor, which really hurts. Trying really hard to be real quiet. Out of nowhere, the little dog says, "Yellow Foot."

I laugh. My husband laughs. We continue.

No one touches the toy. A few minutes later......

Out. Of. Nowhere.

"You're my friend!"

Now let me tell you, I was almost in tears at this point, I was laughing so hard. I also noticed that my lower back was screaming at me to get up.

Still, must go on.

Out of nowhere, the lawn mower stops. I didn't even hear anything and I gave my husband what I'm sure was a "wtf are you doing???" kind of look when again an interruption occurred.

He says, "Yes?"

Wobbs says, "Are you guys in there?"

I think, "Here's your sign."

Hubby says, "Yes."

Wobbs - "Are you OK?"

No dude. We're not ok. Go away.

Hubby says, "Go watch a movie."

Wobbs - "Ok. Just checking on you."

Ugh.

Et Tu?

Yeah. I've been busy.

For all of you who keep checking in, I thank you. I'll get back on track here soon. (Is this a repeating pattern?)

Let's see......

Christmas. Check.

I actually got my mother to bring the presents over BEFORE Christmas so that my kids could open them when they woke up. My mother usually insists on being present for the present opening, which makes it very difficult. Last year she held their presents hostage until like Feb./March. It was nuts.

We had a smaller Christmas, present-wise, than normal, and I'm happy about that. Midnight Mass is my absolute (almost) favorite Mass of the year.

Diaper Addiction. Check.

I LOVE WOOL. Love it! I have switched to knit wool covers/longies (pants)/shorties (duh, shorts) instead of PUL diaper covers. I love them. I also have a problem. If you are reading this and you sell wool - DO NOT SELL TO ME! (unless it's really, really cute)

Friends with Crazy Parenting. Check.

I'm not going to comment too much on this one. I myself, have been accused of crazy parenting. (Yes, C., she will sleep in her own bed one day). I don't want to point fingers or call names. I'm just going to sit on my soap box and say this - Don't mess with God's plan. He has a good plan. He designed us this way for a reason. There. Much better. If you'd like your own soap box, blogger is free.

New School Room. Check.

I've decided to create a "school room" in my home. I finally won the debate about kids sharing bedrooms in my house (I love you, honey!) and have been able to combine the children and make a space for school. My dear friend C. came and spent an entire day here helping me move furniture up and down stairs, vacuuming, and cleaning. YOU ROCK.

Family Closet. In progress.

And the family closet idea I had about a year ago is probably going to happen soon too! Woo-hoo!

Spirituality. Check.

Working on my faith journey, I know, will be a never ending process. For now, I am trying really hard to just pray for 5 minutes a day. I know I do well to always serve Him by meeting the needs of my children (He has a PLAN! Stick to the PLAN!) but I do strive for something more. That something more may simply be that once my kids are grown I can be one of the little old ladies who show up early and stay late at Mass to pray the Rosary.

My husband and I also had a wonderful meeting with our friend, Fr. E. He gave us some very basic instructions to growing closer to God in our marriage. We are very excited to implement his suggestions into our lives. We also are looking forward to having our marriage convalidated.

Baptism. Check.

The Baptism of My Lovey was beautiful! As soon as I get pictures (I forgot my camera!!!, but everybody else brought one and they're going to email them to me) I will put some up. The ceremony was beautiful. My son's Godparents are WONDERFUL. And my friends are AWESOME. I love all of you!

And, in an weird kind of ironic thing (meant to be, of course), My Lovey was baptized on the Feast of the Epiphany, which, this year, is also my deceased father's birthday. I found out, after he died and during my conversion, that his ENTIRE FAMILY was/is Catholic. Things that make you go hmmmm.

Reality. Check?

And now, back to the real world. Bills pile up, laundry piles up, dishes pile up. Snow is piled up. Too bad I can't find some motivation piled up somewhere around here.

Happy New Year. God Bless everyone! Have you requested your Patron Saint of the Year for 2009? If not, you should!! I am. (Got the idea from Heather over at "A Catholic Mom in Sweden")

~H

Too Busy

I have been too busy to write anything. He's a (really) quick look at what we've been up to:

Right now, I am up with the Wobs running a hot steam shower to get rid of his croupy cough. He sounds like a baby harp seal.

My husband has been working like he's the only sheriff in town. People are breaking the law left and right my friends.

I am soooo tired because I cannot sleep when the seasons change and it is officially winter here, snow and all. My hubby's had the snow blower out 2 times already.

Black Friday appauls me. Really. I am happy the Lord has really helped me to fight the consumerism I was raised to worship.

But......I am getting addicted to cloth diaper hunting again. My Lovey is outgrowing the size he's in and I've got to get new (used) ones. I found a forum where I can trade for dipes instead of buying them. I'm trying to trade some of my Mama Cloth (yes, I use cloth menstrual pads. They are the BEST!!!).

Or.....I can try and use the potty, like I did with My Petite Flower. The diapers are just easier, what with having a toddler and baby.

My marriage needs time. We are so busy, some days I have to remind myself to say "I love you." (I do Sweetie, love you that is. I'm sorry we're so busy. And thank you for the cards.)

Advent has started. I got my Jesse Tree out today and my Advent Wreath. Only 1 day late! A new record for me.

I've been reading up more on the Culture of Death and Abortion. I've got some good ones coming.

Couponing has been OK. But I save lots of money by just going to the right store.

Penciled in a time for Baptism. Now I just have to confirm with all involved parties.

I'm at least thinking about St. Nicholas Day. I don't know if we'll do anything.

God Bless you all!!! More to come soon......

~H

Sing His Praises!!

The power of prayer really is a mysterious and glorious thing. I know many people who always feel like God never answers them and I even find myself wondering at times if He's listening. But in the end, His timing is always perfect and prayers are always answered, even if not in the exact way or time period we would like.

My husband today, thanks be to God, came to Mass. Not because I badgered him, guilted him, or forced him to. Just because. I want to personally thank all of you who have been praying for my family and my husband. Those prayers are not falling upon silent ears. Jesus, Mary, and all the Saints in Heaven have interceded and His Will is being done.

There was even mention from him (my hubby) of confession today. Confession!?! Can you even imagine? The Lord does indeed work in mysterious ways, and I happen to know some of those ways are through the wonderful aid of prayer from regular folks, like you and myself.

Please continue to pray for our family. We are so grateful for all the blessings He has bestowed upon us. Pray for the conversion of hearts and pray for the unborn in this wonderful month of Life.

~H

My Dear Baby

Before you were even born, He knew you and loved you. Before your conception even took place, He knew who you would be and how important your life would be.

We also knew you and dreamed of you from the moment we met. Your journey to us was a long awaited for miracle that we prayed for, hoped for, and thought of everyday. Trials of when and if you might come plagued us. Some days, as the wait seemed to go on forever, we even lost sight of our hope.

We imagined you'd be along sooner than you were. But you came right when you should have. His timing in bringing you to us was perfect, just as your little body was perfect in every way when you arrived.

When news of your arrival came, we were overjoyed with happiness. Finally, a sign that you would be in our arms one day. Hearing your heartbeat for the first time brought tears to my eyes. And feeling your first movements was pure bliss, making me laugh out loud with excitement.

Your early weeks in my womb were accompanied by nausea and fatigue, but it was a battle worth waging with a conclusion worth fighting for. As you grew and crowded my body I imagined with joy what it would be like to finally hold you in my arms.

My labor with you was long and drawn out. You took your time figuring just the right hour to enter this world. It was a stormy, rainy Friday afternoon when you finally took the last leap from water baby in my belly to breathing baby in my arms.

I will never forget pulling you up from my womb and looking into your eyes for the first time. They were wide open, taking in all there was to see, seeking deep into my own eyes to cement the connection we had started so long ago when you first began to grow inside me. Just thinking about it now makes me cry at the wonderful memory I was so blessed to be given by you.

Every moment we have shared together has been wonderful. Nursing and nourishing you has been the most fulfilling role as mother I could ever have hoped for. Watching you learn and grow takes my breath away. Your laughter could brighten even the darkest day, and your sweet little voice is the most precious thing I have ever heard.

Keep being who you are. Grow up you will. One day soon you may not even need me anymore. I will cherish the years we have spent so close together, nursing, sleeping, walking, crawling, snuggling. You are the most cherished gift He could have given us.

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl. I love you.

Mom

Thanks be to God....

I am not pregnant anymore. :)

We welcomed our new Little Man yesterday morning 10:45AM, at home and in the water.

He is a small but plump 7 lbs. 4 oz. with big hands and feet.

We have many to thank.....

God for the wonderful blessing he has bestowed on our marriage.

Our doula for the wonderful care given to Mama and family (and the great pictures!!).

My friend K. for lending us the awesome birth tub.

The midwives at MBC who provided superb prenatal, intrapartum, and postpartum care to Mom, baby, and family (they even did the laundry after the birth - I LOVE MIDWIVES!!)

My dearest friend C. - who came with groceries, supported me during birth, watched over my kids, cooked food ALL DAY after the birth while Mom, Dad, and Baby slept, fed me, kept me hydrated, and over all helped keep the sanity around here all day. YOU are AWESOME, and I love you.

Pictures to come soon. He's darn cute.

~H

Longing

It's been one of those weeks. My husband and I haven't had a chance to connect in, well, forever, it seems.

Last weekend I had school and he was home with the kids. When I get home from those long days all I can do is eat a quick meal and collapse in my bed.

The weekdays were full of appointments at all random hours of the day, a few of which I went to by myself to allow him and the little ones to sleep.

His job has been a larger obligation, requiring his presence almost double the nights this week than most. Good for the checkbook, hard for us.

On top of that, he had a one day class to make up yesterday from his last semester at school (thanks be to God he already graduated), and then had to rush right off to work. The school was from Noon - 9, and then work from 9 - 5 or maybe 6 am.

Of course, I think as women, we always wonder if they yearn for us quite the way that we do for them. He had told me many a time on the phone this week how much he missed me - being in my presence, holding me, laying in bed without the kids. I, of course, feel very much the same way and after a few days of not sleeping on the same schedule tend to become quite lonely.

Imagine my surprise this morning as I rose from bed well before anyone has stirred in my home, except of course for the dog. I think he's been up for hours. On my kitchen table is a beautiful glass vase complete with a dozen roses, pink and red. No rhyme or reason, just random flowers. Those are the best. He knows just how to get my heart out of a jam and remind me that he too longs for me just as much as I for him. The sweetness contained in my brawny, rugged man that only I get to know about (and, well, all of you now) is such a treasure to me.

With God's grace, hopefully we can emerge from this drought and find richer pastures in the weeks to come. One more night of work, one more day of sleep, and perhaps an evening of togetherness Sunday that has been well worth the wait.

~H

Don't Forget -

New baby showers.

Little baby smiles.

Becoming a dad, again.

Fat little baby feet.

And starting over again. Me & You. It's been hard, but very worth it.

Happy Birthday! I love you. Thank you for giving me the best years of your life. I'm glad I stuck around.

Heather Ann

Remember These, Too?

Fishing up North.

Having a "little" boy.

Your young wife.

Young and skinny.

Remember?

Finding out we were pregnant?

Our "little" house at Christmas?

Christmas pageants?

Having a beard? Would that make you "bearded"?

Being skinny?

Love Note to My Beloved

Stolen from Jim Henson, of course (and been stuck in my head all week):

If I were a poet -

I would write a sonnet.

It would say, "I Love You."

Your name would be on it.

I love you, and I can't wait to feel normal and happy again and just be your wife - and not a crazy pregnant person. Thanks for putting up with me.

~H

Happy Wife

My husband took the test too. He got a higher score than I did! Ha!

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105

As a 1930s husband, I am
Very Superior

Take the test!

Go Ahead, Take the Test

97 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Superior http://www.magatsu.net/maritaltest/">Take the test!

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