Quick Pics

Birth story coming soon.....these are all I have time for now!! She does have a name but not a "blog" name yet. :)

Yes, Still Pregnant

I just thought I'd mention quickly that I am still pregnant.

After 3 days of intense cleaning at my house, organizing diapers, re-organizing diapers, finding teeny-tiny baby clothes in bins scattered around the house, ordering around my family to help me, complaining about the house not being clean enough, lanolizing about 12 wool pants/soakers, and fretting over some "things" I still need (a diaper pail for dirty diapers, chux pads, something to organize kid toys in) I am still not in labor.

I really thought all that cleaning would work.

So, instead of being sassy-pants mad about it, I have taken my energy and done something productive - we started school this week. I even kind of got us on a "schedule". I made a big move and decided no more sleeping in till 11 or 12. We have been up at 10 everyday (which I know probably sounds really late to most of you, but that is very early for me and the kids when I am this pregnant.....when not pregnant usually we're up by 7 or 8) for the last 3 days.

Tomorrow (um, I guess that's TODAY), we will be up at 9 to make it to the park to meet some local homeschool families at 10. I am really excited about this. We have lived here for over a year and I still don't really know anyone who lives near us except the midwives I work with. To see any other children or any adults I know we have been driving at least 45 min to 1 hour to the "big city" to visit. It will be really wonderful to get to know some families around here, in the boonies.

Along with getting up at the same time everyday, Lovey has had a nap everyday and I have cooked lunch. I know, weird right? Just trying to make everyone feel a little normal for once. I have been a major slacker with this pregnancy. I need to get it together. Of course, my husband thinks I'm nuts. He knows I will just be laying in bed and nursing when the babe gets here so he really doesn't get why I am going so crazy to have everything be "normal" now when it will change in the next 10 days sometime. I don't know why I am doing it either, but it is making me feel better at least mentally.

I promise to post once the wee one arrives. For now, I am just patiently waiting.

Where Have I Been?

Busy week around here with a cranky mama, that's where.

My brother came to stay with us on Friday. Yep. I am really happy to have him "home". Although, that won't stop me from ranting about why he is here. As much as I believe it is better that he is here than with my mom, I still can't get over her behavior.

My mom travels. A lot. She had a vacation planned to Las Vegas for a two week stay to include the UNLV football game vs. UW Badgers. She was supposed to leave the day after my brother's jaw surgery.

A normal mother would have just canceled the trip. Especially when it is to a place where you have been (not exaggerating here) 50 times already in your life. And, even more especially when money is really not a problem and being out a couple hundred bucks on airfare is really no big deal.

But, we do not have a normal mother. She "had to pay $140!!" to reschedule her trip to begin on Saturday instead of Wednesday (yes, she complained about the $140, or at least her husband did) AND THEN......went on to say all week before she left "Oh, I am SOOOOO glad JT is coming to stay with you. I need a break. This is so hard for me. It's not fair. I just can't deal with this."....blah, blah, blah.....

You know, I am not exactly sure how I managed to become a loving mother to my children with the kind of mom that raised me. *sigh*

(She called once she landed in LV on Saturday and *complained* about the long plane trip and then went on to tell me how wonderful her margarita and cigarette were and how awesome it would be to "finally relax". Makes me want to puke.)

My brother seems really happy here with my children. He is constantly scooping up one of the little kids and cuddling with them. He smiles. He is even talking a little bit - well, what he can do with his jaw wired shut. The pain seems to get a little better everyday.

I got my brother to come to Mass. This is a big deal, I think. He made it through the homily before he asked me for the car keys to go wait outside. Baby steps.

My great expectations regarding my brother's future behavior are wearing thin. As happy as I am to have him here, and as happy as I am to see him getting better.....he is slowing trying to go back to his own ways. I am trying to stay optimistic, but it is what it is. He is smoking again. Not as much as he would if he were not recovering from major surgery, but still.

AND, what makes me really sad (but was I maybe a little naive thinking this wouldn't happen at some point?? I really hoped it wouldn't).......he managed to have a few shots of Jager (a seriously gross liquor, if you ask me) yesterday too.

I know, you are wondering how he managed to get alcohol if he is staying with me and has to drink everything from a syringe? When we were in the Big City (where he lives) for Mass, he wanted to stop by his place to pick up something he forgot. No big deal. He was inside for about 15 minutes. I felt very guilty wondering what he was "doing" during those 15 minutes. I admitted to my husband that I was worried he was "smoking something" - and not cigarettes. Once I said this out loud, I immediately felt bad for doubting his ability to stay clean while he recovered. Well, turns out he wasn't smoking anything. When he got back in the car, he freely told us that he had a few shots (and almost choked on the first one). He thought this was OK since he hasn't had a drink in over a week.

*SIGH* I don't know what I am supposed to do, if anything, in this kind of situation. But, it is what it is. I can pray (I am). And I did tell him that he is an adult and can make his own decisions - but I think in his current condition drinking (and smoking) is not a very good idea.

Of course, now that we are back at my place, there is no alcohol. So he is stuck for at least another week until my mom gets home. :)

I have become a super crabby annoying person to live with. I am sorry that my brother has to be here to witness this. ;) My husband is really sick of my attitude (I am certain). My kids are trying hard to deal. I just gotta make it a few more weeks. I am super sick of being poked in places that one shouldn't feel poking. I can't sleep. My legs hurt, my hips hurt. I can't poop. I am bitchy. Sorry guys. On a "happy" note, my husband says that I get really, really bad the few days before I go into labor. And then I have the baby and I am happy, happy, happy (and he will insert here that I go on to ignore him for 6 months....sorry babe).

I love Ravelry. Don't we all? I needed a size 4 circ needle and don't have the money AND couldn't find one online (in the length I need) (probably a good thing since I don't have the money). So, I put a post up in the "USED EQUIPMENT" forum offering to trade a size 0 47" circ that I have for a size 4 24" circ......and someone has one they want to trade!! Yes!! I am mailing her the size 0 today. And I am getting a great Addi Needle in return. LOVE RAVELRY.

New Project? I am trying to just work on the two sweaters. I have 2 sleeves completed on each sweater and I started the body on my husband's sweater. But seriously, I really need to start something for myself, or at least something fun and with color (because both of the sweaters are dark and green). I am trying to stay within my queue so I either need to cast on the FLS, some socks (for me) or my HP bag. Any suggestions?? (Disclaimer here: I feel like this is not a bad thing, since I only have the other two projects on my needles. 3 is not so bad. Unfortunately for me, my husband refuses to help me wind yarn for another project until his sweater is done. I will have to recruit one of the kids.)

Knitted Gift. My dear, dear knitting buddy and friend knit the cutest top ever for my new babe!! I am so happy. It is out of Malabrigo Silky in a colorway that I have coveted forever. I will post a pic soon.

Yes, I am still Pregnant

Sorry for the lack of blogging. Really. I want to blog. I want to connect. (I even got tagged in a meme over at BWYA.) I am just soooo, um, crabby.

I don't know how good blogging will be when all I want to do is tell anyone who will listen how much this SUCKS. And I feel super guilty saying that, especially knowing all the mamas out there who have lost children to miscarriage and stillbirth, or who are unable to conceive at all.

I don't mean to sound as if I am not happy about the joy of new life, or that I don't enjoy and just absolutely LOVE having a new baby (because I do).

I am just a super obnoxious pregnant lady in the last month. I HATE it. I am crabby. My body is crampy. My legs hurt. My ass hurts. My crotch hurts. Ligaments pull. I can't sleep. I annoy my entire family. My breasts grow and itch. I can't find a single thing to wear that fits me. I am tired. I get constipated. Hemorrhoids = asteroids (much better word for them: location, location, location.....not to mention that asteroids explode into a firey hell when exposed to the atmosphere, not unlike hemorrhoids). It is next to impossible to get comfortable for more than 30 minutes at a time. Activities I enjoy with my husband (*clears throat*) are just too hard to accomplish (at least from my end.....men have it soooo easy). Seriously. I am just a sulky, b*tchy person.

Now that I have exposed you to the wretchedness that is me in this month, we will move on.

Hmmm? What shall we talk about? Knitting? Other bloggers? My kids? Pregnancy ailments, oh ya, already covered that. Ummm?

Knitting - I am having a hard time controlling the "cast on" urge. So far, so good. But it is seriously creeping up on me.

Bloggers - I found an interesting blog call "N*ked on the Roof" (Yes, he does spell it with the little asterisk, I am sure to deter people fishing for p0rn). It is by this guy that I think is an electrician (his username is morethananelectrician) and he is pretty funny. I am pretty sure he is married and has kids too. I haven't found any faith references. But so far, I am enjoying it. (I'd link to it, but the link is on my phone and I am just too lazy to look it up now or google it.)

My kids - The Wobbs just got back from a week vacationing with my family in PA. He had a great time. We missed him. It was certainly a different dynamic around here without him. Not good, or bad, better, or worse, just different. Today is his first day back. He's been here for about 4 hours and already the kids are all yelling at each other. Freakin' great. And Flower has been throwing up today. Awesome times two.

Homeschool - It is a lot of work, and sometimes annoying work, to help run a homeschool group. I think it will all work out in the end. We had an awesome "end of the year" campout at the other leader's house this weekend. Her family and mine (especially our husbands, bonus!) get along really well. So it did not bother us too much that not a lot of the other families were able to attend. Oh well. Better to hang with a few real people, real Catholics, with real flaws, than to have a house full of overbearing pious people (not that the other families are all like that, but there were some moms I was ok not seeing for the weekend).

Diapers - I need to get my diapers out and washed and ready to go. Any helpful hints out there about washing diapers with hard water? At our old house we had a really great water softener. My diapers always came out just right. I am a little concerned here about things like residue and smell. I hope it doesn't make too big of a difference, or that it is something that is easily remedied by adding something, like Borax or just more vinegar, to the wash. (Speaking of diapers, I need to order some Charlie's Soap for washing....finally ran out of the 5 gallon bucket I bought almost 4 years ago a few months back.)

Divorce - Seriously people. Watch who you marry. Dealing with my husband's ex-wife is enough to make me want to pull out my hair. This custody case is sucking royally (especially since we did this already, 8 years ago, to the tune of 14K). Figuring out placement sucks. And high school, with all it's sports and crap, also sucks. Did you know that practice for sports starts BEFORE the school year starts? And when you live 45 minutes away from the school and the practice lasts for 3 hours, you have nothing to do with your toddlers for 3 hours in a town where you don't live (parks would be ok, except that it's 2000 degrees of Hades outside with 300% humidity.....okay.....maybe I'm exaggerating, but you get it). And ex-wives just suck. Especially when they think the most important thing in their child's life is their "social life". Don't get divorced people!! God never intended for 2 families to have to share a child (or children).

Have I ranted enough for you? I am really sorry. I don't mean to be so dang crabby and complainy. It's all I got right now. I promise I will be a happy, cheery, wonderful bloggy friend once this baby exits my body. I have 5 weeks of technical time left. Maybe I'll go early again and only have to endure 3 weeks. I have been having a ton of contractions, sometimes all night long. I checked (because, well, I can) and I am dilated to 1 (too bad it's not more) and about 50% effaced. At least those contractions are doing something. :)

Random Sunday (Except that it's really Monday)

~~First up, some cute pictures I can't help but share.

Love this one too. Oops! That is not exactly the one I wanted to load. Oh, well. Still nice one of the girl. He was brushing her hair. Cute.

~~I did it again. I started another project. See? Look down.

I am making longies out of that yarn. I know. I have no will power.

I did, however, finish the hat in just one day. And, I even worked a bunch of rows on the shawl. Really.

~~I hate knitting lace. I will finish it. But not start another one, probably ever.

~~I am still not sleeping well. I have been taking the iron supplement. My midwife says I probably won't notice a difference for a few weeks. I also finally found a chiropractor who takes our insurance (yes!) and is wonderful, and not too far away (only 1/2 hour). I can't wait to go see him again this week.

~~What ever happened to midwifery?? Am I still in "school"? Do I still study? Attend births?

Yes, I am still in school, technically. I go to a school that allows you to work at your own pace, therefore allowing "breaks". This pregnancy has been a big break, and not one I was expecting. All of my classroom/academic stuff is done already. I simply have clinicals to finish. I was about 50% done with those when I became pregnant (this time around....I also started out school when I was pregnant last time).

The midwife I work with is super understanding about me not being able to handle anything more than Just This Pregnancy. It helps that she is also my midwife. I plan to start seeing patients with her again once the baby is somewhere between 3-6 months old. We see patients 1-2 days a week for prenatals and I can bring my baby with. I can start getting the rest of my birth assists and primaries once my daughter is maybe 6-9 months old.....or older. We'll see what kind of baby I have. They are all different, and I am really not into leaving my baby. It depends on how far along labors are, if it's a first, second, or more baby for a mama, etc. Lots of factors go into me being able to go to a birth.

I will say I truly miss the work. I have been reading my textbooks late at night when I can't sleep. Dorky, I know. But I LOVE this stuff. I also started reading my favorite midwifery book of all time the other night, "Baby Catcher" by Peggy Vincent. I got this book before I became pregnant with my second child. It made me seek out a midwife for my next pregnancy/birth and cemented my desire to become a midwife. Reading it now really makes me miss attending births.....but I just can't. And I know there will be plenty of time for that later.

~~My husband's birthday was yesterday (ok, 2 days ago, as I write this Sunday night, but really it's 1 am Monday morning). We took the kids out to dinner at a super fancy smancy restaurant where the dinners are $35/plate. Chris and I have been there a few times in the past (read once or twice a year for the last few years). There is always sooooo much food that he and I ordered meals and just ordered salads for the kids (and 1 plate of french fries for the babies to share). We both split our meals with the kids and we still brought home leftovers. Our bill wasn't too high and the kids loved having such fancy food served to them. They thought the unending loaves of fresh baked bread that we had to cut ourselves was the best part.

~~I have a confession of sorts to make. Really, I just want to say something that isn't really bad, just bothering me.

I missed Mass about 6 weeks ago for no good reason at all. (I was tired and didn't feel like getting up, but I also didn't bother to go to a later Mass that day either.) I haven't missed any Masses except that one. But I also haven't managed to make it to Confession since I missed the Mass. This, of course, means I haven't received the Eucharist since then either. It really sucks to sit at Mass and NOT be able to go up and receive our Lord. Sucks big time. Especially when my husband keeps asking me why I am not going up. I keep telling him. He just thinks I am being stubborn. But I know that it is a grave sin to miss Mass and that I am not to receive Holy Communion until I go to Confession.

The problem is not that I don't want to go to Confession. It's that Confession is only on Saturdays. I never think about going until Sunday morning. I wish we lived in a time when there were enough priests that there was Confession before (and sometimes during) every Mass. That would be really awesome. I would probably go every single time I went to Mass, even if it was a weekday Mass.

What I probably need to do is simply get there early on Sunday and ask our priest if he would have time for a confession after Mass. Usually they are pretty accommodating when someone wants a confessor.

That's all I have for now. I hope you had a wonderful weekend.

Duh!

There is a reason why it is good to have a midwife looking after you even when you are a midwife.

I haven't been sleeping.

I feel tired all the time.

My legs are crampy.

I kick all night long.

I can't sit still.

I am crabby, irritable.

Hmmmm. If someone else came to me with these symptoms, I could probably guess what's going on and make some suggestions to them. But as a pregnant lady, it is impossible to diagnose yourself, or even to think about reasons why your life sucks right now (other than just "I'm pregnant").

I am so grateful to have a great midwife (with awesome assistants).

Why am I so tired, crabby, and restless?

Because - when we checked my iron today (not scheduled to do it, she just did it because of my symptoms) is was 9.5. For those of you who are not midwives, that is really friggin' low. (I've seen lower.....but still...it's not very good.) It causes all of those things that I mentioned up there.

So, I was immediately instructed to pick up some SSS Tonic , which I did, and begin taking it TODAY. It smells like @$$. I am sure it is going to taste horrible too. (I put it in the fridge. I hope that helps a little.) I have to take 3 tablespoons a day.

But I am excited. Looking forward to NOT being super tired, to sleeping, to not feeling like I am going to crawl out of my skin ALL THE TIME. Yeah for Iron!!

And, on a related but separate note, I have actually gained some weight. 1 lb to be exact. I now weigh 217. I started this pregnancy at 216. I dropped down to, I think, 205 a few months back. So technically, I have gained 12 lbs. since then. But really, it's only 1 lb. This is going to be awesome.

8 weeks left. I can do this for 8 weeks - especially if I can get a little rest.

Order

When you can't seem to get order in your head or in your house, what do you do??

I got up out of bed, in the middle of the night, brain a-full-of-things, and reorganized my Ravelry notebook. Exciting, right?

I know, not really. But it feels good to put something in order.

I moved all the patterns out of my queue that really belonged in my "favorites" and gave them all tags. I added actual things I will (and need to) knit with actual yarn in my stash to the queue. Feels good.

I also decided that it is time to "stash bust" and knit the stuff I have actually purchased yarn specifically for.

In order to start this process off right, I need to clear all my "WIP" (that's Work(s) In Progress for you non-knitters).

So, you are hearing it here first. My WIP list consists of:

Swallowtail Shawl (started over a year ago)
Husband Sweater (this is a rip and re-knit)
1 Possessed Sock
Finish 1st Cheap Thrill Sock, knit 2nd
Buttons on BSJ
Button on Nutmeg Sweater
Finish Pink Garter Stripe Baby Sweater (and block, and add buttons/loops, whatever to close it)(almost done with the last one)

Once these are complete, it is time to start the queue:

Wonderful Wallably for Wobbers
February Lady Sweater for Me
Husband Sweater (yes, I realize this is in both lists, this gives me a little freedom as to when to do it)
Scrappy Malabrigo Longies
Wonderful Wallaby for Lovey
Harry Potter House Bag (before Nov. 19th, I want to take this to the movie!!)
HP Cell Cozy (because it looks cute!!)

I would like to try and accomplish this before the baby comes. You can stop laughing now. No really, stop. You're going to make me cry. Or laugh. Whichever.

Are you done already?

I know I have only 9 weeks, and that is if she decides to stay in the whole time. My last two were evicted early. I use the term "evicted" because I think my body does that when the babies reach a certain size limit. At 7-8 lbs my uterus says, "Get out. I've had enough." I think if the last two had made it to 40 weeks they would have been in the 8-10 lb range. My husband was a large baby and so were his other two daughters. I am glad my body evicts them before they get quite so big. It's nice to have a small one for a little longer.

I am going to try really hard to stick to the plan. Order. It's a good thing. And still, as I type this, I keep thinking about adding in some other misc. baby items, like socks and hats. (As thought I have not knit enough baby stuff yet!!)

Progress, and A Complaint

First: Progress. Here is the baby sweater.

I kind of wish I had saved the garter stripe at the top (in the yoke) for under the arms/yoke. But it's still cute. I toyed around with some other ideas, and then a phrase of my husband's crossed my mine. "Keep It Simple, Stupid." Simple really is best. So a stockinette sweater it is. I am currently working on one of the sleeves.

It did end up a little wider/longer than a newborn. Mostly because I convinced myself that it would be better if it was "a little too big".

And now: A complaint.

Can I just sleep already? Wtf is wrong with me? I hate being pregnant. I just want to sleep. I only have to do this for nine more weeks and then I can sleep.

I know what you're thinking: "How are you going to sleep with a newborn? They don't really sleep for long periods of time."

I know. But at least with the newborn in my arms and not my belly I CAN GET COMFORTABLE AND FALL ASLEEP. Even if it's only for 45 minutes. At least I'll be knocked out and in a comfy position.

Ok, rant over. Sorry to dump. I am just soooooo sick of not getting any sleep. It sucks.

Quick FO

And I mean quick. I finished the longies in just over 24 hours!! But, it's almost 3 in the morning, and I should go to bed. I uploaded all my pics on ravelry and I am leaving you with just a link (here). Sorry. I will talk more about these soon, maybe even tomorrow.

I also have been working hard on the Possessed Socks. Turned a heel and finished the gusset on the first sock. They are way fun and pretty cute. I still need to take some new in progress pictures.

I really wish I could figure out how to sleep when I am pregnant without having to stay up all night until I am so exhausted it hurts. *sigh*

See ya soon!

I Need A Chick

This is what I told my husband yesterday in the midst of an angry breakdown. I just need a chick to talk to.

It wasn't that he wasn't good enough. He's just not a woman (thank God!). And there was no one to talk to. And I fell apart.

My BFF (ha! I love using "in" language) has breast cancer. Not that that particular problem would keep us from talking, she actually has relatives visiting and I just don't want to bother her. And I have to mention the cancer because I am concerned I will lose her. There. I said it.

My other friend never seems to be able to talk when I call.

My best knitting buddy ever is moving in two weeks 2 1/2 hours north of my house. Craptacular.

We went to Mass at a parish closer to our house this weekend. 20 minutes to the church vs. 1 1/2 hours to our regular parish. It was awful. Let me elaborate:

How many EMC do you need when there are only 100 people in attendance (they had 8!!)?

Why were the EMC's consuming the host at the same time as the priest did (yes, he actually handed it out to them before he consumed it himself)?

Why didn't we sing the "Alleluia" before the Gospel? Or any of the other things we normally sing at a Sunday Mass (all were spoken, like a weekday Mass)?

We were out of there in thirty minutes. 3-0. On The Feast Day of Corpus Christi.

I left wondering if I attended a valid Mass. I also was so very distracted by the lack of reverence that I found myself unable to really participate in the Mass. I prayed afterward, in front of the Tabernacle, and asked Jesus to forgive me for being distracted and to forgive those in the parish for their disrespect. I asked him to help me be closer to him even when I don't "feel" like I am.

And then I had the shittiest day ever.

I got in a big pissing match with my husband over his attention to our biological children vs his biological children. I was very much picking a fight for I-don't-know-why. Then I tried to call somebody to just get it off my chest and there was no one.

My pelvis was heavy and hurting all day. I tried really hard to talk to my husband (when there wasn't any women available) about this and he just said, "Well duh. You're pregnant." I KNOW I"M PREGNANT. HELLO! I just needed to talk to someone (a chick, a mom) who would understand that even though I was very much excited for this new life within me, it still sucks feeling like your insides are going to fall out your bottom all day. It sucks having another human have the hiccups near your butt. Your butt shouldn't be shaking from the inside. Seriously.

I ended up driving into the big city anyway later that evening to get groceries. I calmed down. There was still no one to talk to. I tried calling my husband. And get this, he said "For someone who has so much Faith, maybe you should just let Him take care of it for a while." Can you believe it?! The nerve. Oh wait a minute. He was totally right. So I stopped trying to call every (three people) person I could and just sat in the quiet. It wasn't working. So I put on Relevant Radio (do they have that where you are? Awesome, Catholic radio). That was better.

There are still issues, and for some reason I am not sleeping at night. But the anger is out of me.

And now, to back-track a little, what do I do about the Mass? Do you just go somewhere else (I will)? Am I supposed to say something? Do I call the priest and (respectfully) ask him about my concerns? Do I write him a letter about my experience? Do I write to the Bishop (who is at my regular parish)? As a "young" Catholic, I am a little lost about what would be appropriate. I just thought the whole thing was weird (and distracting) (and irreverent). My husband thought it was just different and thinks I need to let it go.

Sorry not to have a point here.....I just needed to vent and ramble. Thanks. Sometimes I just need a chick. Which is why I have bloggers (ok, I know at least one of you is a guy, my apologies). My husband actually asked me the other night why I have so many blogs bookmarked on my phone. It's because I love you guys. You keep me sane.

Random Thursday

Sorry for the short hiatus. It happens.

~~~

Since I last posted a "Random Thursday", I have been paying attention to how often I get to shower. Apparently, Thursday is the day. As in, I get to shower once a week. Seems to be this day of the week. I am kind of ok with that. Ok, not really. But it is what it is.

~~~

Did you know that Apple does not allow "unauthorized apps" on their products like the iPhone, iPod Touch, and iPad?? (I will add here that I don't own any of these....but because of the following information, I may consider Apple products in the future.) What does this mean for you? It means that Steve Jobs, the Apple CEO/Runs the show/Inventor dude does not allow applications to be downloaded to his products that are not authorized by his company.

Do you want to know what he is specifically blocking? Of course you do. He does not allow applications that allow downloading of pornography on his products. Really. This is awesome. I wish more companies thought like this and did something like this.

Thank You Steve Jobs!!

You can read more here.

H/T to Become What You Are

~~~

Thank you to all the bloggers who stopped by and got their Sunshine Award and also stayed around to read a few posts and leave comments. It's always nice to know someone is reading.

~~~

I am hoping to get around to updating my sidebar with some currents photos of the family, a link to a post (to be written) that tells a little more about me, and an updated list of blogs I read.

I currently have the blogs into a few categories: Bat Shit Crazy, Catholic, Knitting, Man Blogs, Recipes, and Keeping Me Sane. I realize now that I have organized them on my phone that I have about 50 I am reading quite regularly.

~~~

Do you want to hear about my tattoos? Would that be a weird post? Would it be interesting? Does it make a difference if I feel differently about a lot of them than I did at the time I got them?

I am going to tell you one cute thing about one of them. I have a sleeve consisting of faeries. (Yes, I like to spell "fairy" weird. Shoot me.) A few of them are in the buff (with wings). My 3 year old daughter pointed to one of them the other day and said, "She needs a pretty dress." Ha!

~~~

I have been working of finishing my WIPs. That's Works-In-Progress. It's a knitting acronym. I finished one today and I have two more: this shawl and this sweater.

I am trying to decide if I should finish them before I start anything else, or just move on and make the fun baby projects I want to start???

I also am itching to knit another pair of socks.

~~~

I have been seriously considering having an ultrasound to see if we can see what gender this baby is. This is the first time I have ever thought of doing this. I have never cared nor wanted to know the gender of my babies before they are born. I really like the surprise at birth. It gives me something to push for.

You want to know what is motivating me to find out? You do? Knitting. Yep. Crack is making me want to know what gender child we have conceived. Because? Well, because if I know what I am having I can knit accordingly. I can go ahead and knit those purple longies with rainbow trim if it's a girl. I can duplicate stitch a dinosaur on the back of that sweater if I know it's a boy.

My son suggests I just knit boy and girl things and save the wrong ones for another baby...."because you'll probably have like 10 more Ma." Uh-huh.

It's a lot of work to put in. I'd like to know what I am working for. Do I have a problem? Should I do it?

Yes, I am still here :)

I had all but given up on poor blog.

I have so many ideas, and so many things I want to tell you about, and write about, that I just couldn't wrap my mind around them all.

Then I got a lovely comment on my last post from Katherine. It was so nice, I decided I just needed to press on. Not only do I love blog, but the writing is sort of therapeutic especially when things get crazy.

So, without further waiting, I must share some simple updates with you. I will make a real effort for regular blogging from now on.

~~~Showers~~~

I am really not getting as many showers as I'd like. In fact, usually I cannot remember the last time I've had one even if I think real hard.

Today I finally took one. Is it bad that I was so exhausted from standing up in the hot water trying to shave my legs that I almost passed out?? It doesn't help that I have forgone any kind of shaving for so long that I had to go over one leg two times and the other three. Don't even get me started on the underarm hair. I should have just taken a chisel in with me to get it off.

Oh, and it's not that I like the unshaven look or that I'm a hippy. I just have small children, and I homeschool, and I'm busy. Events like shaving just seem to fall to the wayside. Um, showers too. If I get in the shower at all I am generally not concerned with the state of my body hair. I know that sounds kind of yucky, but that's the way things are.

~~~Knitting~~~

A whole lot of knitting is going on here. I don't have actual pictures to post on blog, because it takes forever to load them. But I have been loading my projects in Ravelry, with pictures. And guess what? They have a new feature that allows me to post a link to invite you to look at my project page whether you have a Ravelry account or not. :) I am sorry not to give you any eye candy here, but if you click on the links below you can see pictures and notes on the wonderful things I have been knitting. It's lovely. It also means I only have to wait one time to load pictures and then can share them with the ravelry community and you.

Sweater for Flower
New Baby Sweater
New Baby Hat
Cute Turtle Toy
Baby Diaper Soaker
Flower's Fingerless Gloves
Nighttime Diaper Soaker

As for the Sweater that will never die.....it's getting frogged back partly and reknit. You can read about details here and see some new pictures. I should have listened to my instincts on that one.

If you really want to see all my projects, and anything else interesting on ravelry, just join. It's free and really worth it.

I also have acquired quite a bit more yarn. It's a sickness I tell you. My project list has grown also since I am trying to only get yarn for projects I actually intend to make. Right now, the list looks like this:

Finish Wonderful Wallaby for Flower (almost done)
Frog and fix Husband Sweater
Wonderful Wallaby for Lovely
Longies for Baby in Malabrigo "Oceanos"
Longies for Baby in Malabrigo "Sealing Wax"
Sweater for Baby in Madelintosh Merino "Nutmeg" and "Scarlet"
Finish Nighttime Soaker
More size small soakers for Baby in random assorted wool
Baby hats
Wonderful Wallaby for Wobbers in Wool-Ease "Pines Print"
February Lady Sweater for me in Malabrigo "Verde Esperanza"
Rivendel Socks in some local Wool/Cashmere/Nylon blend in "Plum"
Baby blanket (maybe)
Something pretty out of Malabrigo Silky Merino
Finish Mitts Pattern and publish
Reknit that second mitt
Traveling Woman Shawl out of Mountain Colors Twizzle (which is what the mitts are made out of)

Ya know, just a small list. Should be able to get that all done before the baby comes in September. Right? Uh-huh. Suuuuuuure.

~~~Baby Weight~~~

I am 20 weeks along. And ya know what? I have yet to gain a single pound with this pregnancy!! I am very excited about this and not for reasons of vanity. I know I will have a much easier time with this pregnancy if I do not pack on the pounds. I will be more comfortable, healthier, and have an easier time feeling normal again after delivery.

I have in fact lost weight during this pregnancy. Lost weight. And it's staying off. I have done nothing to accomplish this. I am not on purpose doing anything different. I am not exercising. Not trying to eat less. Not eating more healthy than I have been. I will say I do not feel as ravenously hungry this time around. I am not making a cake every other day, like I did when I was pregnant with Lovey, and consuming the whole thing myself. And I am knitting a lot. That must be keeping me too busy to gorge. I feel like it's great because I am just eating a normal portion of food when I sit down, instead of enough to feed 2-3 adults. (Seriously, I have been eating like that for the last couple of years, enough to feed 2-3 adults per sitting....it's kind of gross when I think about it.)

So, because I am not shy about my numbers.....I am going to share some with you. I wouldn't want you to think that I am some thin or skinny mama happy to not be gaining weight. I've got some to lose.

Pregnancy #1: 18 years old, 125 lb. I lost about 10 lb in the first few months, then went on to gain it back plus 65 lbs. (One month, in just 4 weeks, I gained 35 lbs. Seriously.) Delivered a healthy 8 lb 4 oz boy and I weighed 190 lbs at delivery.

In the next 2 years, I lost most of the pregnancy weight and was a reasonably healthy 140-150 lb. woman. Then I met my husband. We were very happy and both put on about 20 lbs over the next 2-3 years. Uh-huh.

Pregnancy #2: 25 years old, 170 lb. I also lost about 10-15 pounds at the beginning of this pregnancy. I delivered at 198 lbs, a 7 lb. 10 oz. baby girl.

Pregnancy #3: 27 years old, 190 lb. I lost 15 pounds at the beginning of this pregnancy. I delivered at 214 lbs, a 7 lb 4 oz baby boy.

I had been hovering around 220 lbs. for the last year.

Pregnancy #4: 29 years old, 216 lbs. I weighed myself as soon as I got the positive pregnancy test at 12 days post-conception. I dropped down to 205 lbs by 10 weeks and have remained there since.

I am very excited to not be packing on pounds and I hope I can keep it up. By this point in my other 3 pregnancies, I had already recovered from the lost weight and then some. So this is new to me and wonderful. At least I think it's wonderful. ;)

~~~~~~~

That's all I have today. I hope you enjoy those links. Oh! I almost forgot! Those teeth finally came in and Lovey is back in all his wonderfulness. The Brute seems to have disappeared for now.

Hi!!! I am on THE INTERNET IN MY LIVING ROOM!!

CAN YOU TELL THAT I AM VERY EXCITED!?

Ok. I will stop with the caps like I am screaming. Seriously. This is cool. Please do not tell my wireless provider that a friend helped me figure out how to use my phone as a modem.

I promise there will be some kind of fancy pants post with photos soon!! Right now, I must take my husband some lunch. So, I gotta run.

Oh! The little baby counter dealio at the top left of my blogger screen says my baby is now urinating. Hmmm. Weird. And cool. And gross. :)

WTF? Why am I awake?

I realize that some of you are up at this hour every day. But not me. Seriously. It's 5 am. Not cool. (Ok, it's 6. But I've been laying here since about 4:30 or so thinking I'll just fall back asleep.)

My best guesses as to why I am not in Sandman-Runneth-Over-Me mode:

•The 4 (four!!) glasses of Boston Iced Tea (that's cranberry juice mixed with iced tea) that I consumed at lunch with my mom yesterday.

•The burning desire to knit every piece of yarn in my home into something wearable for my family, coupled with my brain's complusive ability to run through the endless lists of possibilities even while I dream or try to reach dreamyworld. (Yep, just made up a word.)

•The return of psycho-chick mean girl in the form of a lovely caring priest trying to help. (Don't worry, I am not actually going to let psyco-chick draw me into her talons (totally misspelled) again.) (Double parenthesis there. Woot.) Much obsessive brain power has been sucked up on this issue, again.

•My absolute need to have tomorrow morning (um, yeah, that would be today) run smoothly.

•My overwhelming desire to wake my husband up for some *air quotes here* alone time. Thatks not gonna happen.

•The never before made, but had to be made, Puerto Rican Rice recipe I whipped up in the hour before bed last night. I grew up eating this stuff and have always wanted to make it. Unfortunately, everyone who could teach me is dead. But, as fate would have it, I ran across a Puerto Rican recipe website on a KNITTING blog last week (really). There are like 5 different versions of this recipe and I am going to have to keep experimenting until I get it right. Last night's batch was missing *something*, salt for sure, but something else too. It sure smelled awesome and immediately took me back to my Aunt Jenny's kitchen where I would beg and beg for just one more helping of rice while ignoring everything else on my plate. (Hmmmmm, craving startches only. Apparently that has been a life-long habit.) Oh, and I take back the "everyone is dead" comment. My dad is gone, but if I searched real hard I coyld maybe find Aunt Jenny. Maybe. It's been years...

So, do I just get up? Do I try to sleep (again)? Crap. My alarm will go off in an hour. Is it worth it to get back to. sleep only to have the alarm sounding a code red right as I get to REM sleep? I don't know. But at least all the craps outta my brain now. (Except for the knitting, of course.) (And the recipe.) (And the psyco-chick.) (Who am I kidding.) ;)

Yum, New Yarn

I was rather surprised when my son told me the mail lady was at the front door and needed a signature.

"You have a package."

Um, where's it from?

"Ontario."

Huh?? Ok?

I signed. I looked at the return addresss. It was from the Sweet Sheep Shop. I didn't order anything from the shop. Hmmmm.

Wait?! Oh yes! I did sign up for a Pay It Forward on the Sweet Sheep Blog. And this must be the PIF to me!! Weeee!!

So, I opened it up to find a *beautiful* skein of handspun, hand-dyed bulky "rambouillet" (google it, cause I can't link, but it's a breed of sheep) yarn, colorway "garden". It's greens and oranges, pinks and reds, and a little yellow/sunshine thrown in. (Yes, I realize I am posting no picture. Yes, I know blogs aren't quite as interesting without the pics. I'm sorry. I am restricted by the blackberry.)

Now I am just petting it and looking at how pretty it is.

Nice way to end the week.

Oh? The week, you ask? How's it going?

Let's see.....about the same. Sick of single parenting, tired, and eager for my husband to return tonight.

I managed to see my midwife this week and the same day I had a surgeon remove a lump from my arm that has been growing and living there for about 5 years.

Midwife says get some Vitamin D, baby is doing great, and keep trying to eat. I managed a complete emotional breakdown in her "office" (her house) and she admitted that I look like I'm not doing so good. It was actually nice to hear someone say that, mostly because everyone keeps saying "Oh, you'll be fine. It will get better." I love my midwife.

Surgeon says the lump looks like a lypoma, a benign, fatty tumor. Sending it for pathology just to be safe. I say, "Gee. My arm is effin' sore." And it is. Seriously.

Oh, and my best friend ended up with a mastectomy. She's getting through each day, sometimes an hour at a time.

Day 1

My husband is gone this month for "school" for work. He left last night around 6 to drive the two hours to his hotel and find the school.

It sucks.

As a general rule, we do not ever spend nights apart. The kids also, particularly my 3 year old who has been sleeping on "Daddy's arm" for the last two year, are not happy he's gone.

Being extremely sick and dealing with nausea and horrible headaches is not helping the situation.

In fact, less than 5 minutes ago, I just lost my Ramon Noodle lunch down the toilet.

I feel a little like a sorry, complaining, sick little mama who just can't keep it together (or in my stomach for that matter).

Quick update...but isn't that all I've come to anyway?

This is a badly neglected blog. I appologize. Between nausea, poopy diapers, and watching Veggie Tales and Cars repeatedly there hasn't been much else left.

Oh sure, I *think* about blogging all the time. Especially as I read all the wonderful words all of the rest of you have to say. I have even found a few new favorites, as I am notorious for clicking on other blog's commentor's links to find new writers.

I did manage to finish a baby sweater. As soon as I can get myself to a computer instead of this mini-blackberry screen I will show you.

I have been thinking about baby names - which is leading me to read my bible. (Are you supposed to capitalize "bible"? Always wonder.) I really like Jeremiah - for a name I mean. I also like Micah, although I am sure I will lose that battle.

Truth be told though, it would be darn nice if this baby was a little girl. Not that I wouldn't just adore a boy, but I've had two boys and one girl and I'd sure love another.

I just hope (and I know you're reading this C. so don't think I'm trying to be pessimistic, just a thought that's crossed my mind, honestly) - anyway, I hope to not have to name her after my dead best friend. My best friend has breast cancer, Stage 3 or possibly 4. Surgery was last week. It all has been very quick, sudden, especially for her family. She found a lump one day, had a mammogram, was diagnosed, had surgery, and just got her pathology results all in a about two weeks. Pray for her. (I love you dear.)

Up against that, I feel silly for complaining about being sick. I'm 10 1/2 weeks along. Any day now I could feel better.

Quickie Friday

No, not *that* kind of quickie, sheesh.

Although, as married business goes, I think planning a day a week to engage in the sacramental act of matrimony gives both parties involved something to look forward to. Just sayin'.

Randomness:

** I have finally joined the sleeves and body of the sweater that will never die, aka The Husband Sweater, all on one needle. 15 stitches from each sleeve and 30 stitches from the body have been placed on waste yarn to graft the underarms later. That leaves 470 stitches on the needles. Four hundred seventy. Each Round. Howy cwap.

** Today is the first official day of me having all-day-sickness of this pregnancy. I am trying to look at the bright side (yes, there is a reason for "morning sickness") which is that my body and my baby are doing extremely well if I am feeling sick. It is a sign that the hormones are all turned on and the baby is growing well. Oh, that and I am now in for a 15 lb. weight loss over the next two months. I've got it to lose, so I guess it's fine. Although in a "professional" opinion, one should not be losing weight AT ALL during pregnancy. Previous pregnancies tell me I will anyway. I always do.

** I hate to share this, but maybe it will help someone else feel more normal if the truth is out there in print.

I have not showered in 6 days. I look like hell. While I was sleeping last night, I finally realized that there is a very special smell about me. I didn't even bother getting dressed yesterday and even though it is noon today I still have yet to get dressed today.

Having toddlers does not help. I cannot get 1/2 an hour just to run some hot water over me and be alone. Someone always needs something and it seems my needs, no matter how basic, are getting ignored.

** I have not left my house, even to walk outside, in 5 days.

This is probably a good thing if you consider the previous point.

** Okay, honestly, while in the midst of typing this my husband requested some food at work. So now I have left the house. But it wasn't pretty. Let me paint you a picture:

I made his food and packed it up. I called and informed him I would not be entering the building and he would be required to venture to my vehicle to retrieve his lunch/dinner.

My first time out of the house and I have on: a pair of winter boots, calf length, untied with no socks; a baggy pair of cloth black pants; a tie-dyed men's 2XL Hanes V-neck undershirt (I can't believe I just typed that); and a dried-snot-covered, machine-knit, too small to button over my boobs cardigan/sweater. Really. Oh, and hair that had been unbrushed for 6 days. But I pu it in a pony-tail. That's like a shower? Right?

AND I have to get a pack of diapers out of my husband's truck (that he was supposed to bring in before he left).

I get to the county building my husband works in and pull up to his truck. I look awful. I put my car in park, take out the keys, and approach the truck. Of course, OF COURSE, one of the county maintainence guys who plows the roads or something is standing RIGHT THERE, shoveling snow off the walkway. Ugh. Great. But I need the diapers. He smiles politely and waves. I smile back. I think he's trying to hide a laugh. I hope he doesn't know who's truck this is.

I drive around to the other side of the building and park in between the cop cars. Geez there are a lot of them here today. I call my husband and he says he'll be right out. Mr. Polite snow shoveler is now on this side of the building. I avoid eye contact at all costs.

My husband finally makes it out, takes his lunch, kisses me, and says, "Oh my Gosh! Get the heck outta here. You look like hell!", cracks a crooked grin, and laughs while taking a look at the guy shoveling the snow. I laugh and say, "I told you so," kiss him back and drive off.

Totally embarrassing.

** If I had a D-cup bra before my first pregnancy, was a DD pregnant, nursed in an F, started the next pregnacy (#2) in a DD, was an F pregnant, and nursed in an H-cup, got pregnant with #3 while still nursing, was an I-cup while pregnant, and am currently nursing him in an L-cup and am pregnant again (#4) --- I ask you, are there any letters in the alphabet left for me???

What was I thinking??

When I wrapped my mind around our wonderful news last week, I was all too thrilled and excited (and surprised!). "Wow," I thought. "He chose me again! He must really think we're doing a good job! What a wonderful blessing and testament to our marriage!"

I thought of itty-bitty-knitting, cuddling a newborn again, the warm nuzzle of nighttime with a babe at my breast...you get the picture. I daydreamed about a beautiful labor and a glorious, hormone esclated post-partum period. I wondered at the love my children would have for this new helpless sibling as they carefully covered us with blankies when we fell asleep on the couch.

Now, as I sit here typing with one thumb while I nurse my baby through the pain of his molars, I can't help but feel, well, helpless. What was I thinking?!

"God thinks I'm doing a good job!" Yeah?! Right?!

This isn't what I wanted. I was just begining to enjoy the occasional 1/2 spent in my bed alone with my husband. We haven't even had a real "date" since the last baby has been here.

And My Lovey. I really wanted more time for just he and I. Me and him (yes, bad grammar, I know). He's just a BABY, for Pete's sake. How am I supposed to explain this all to him?

And really, who am I kidding about doing such a great job? I have the shortest temper ever lately. I feel completely overwhelmed just trying to care for the children outside of my womb now, let alone when this baby increases their ranks on me. I don't have the slightest idea *what* I'm doing, let alone how to accomplish it all.

The never ending assault of laundry, dishes, and diapers is making my head swim. Not to mention the constant voice in my head reminding me to "eat right", which I just don't have time for, but which I know I need.

I am obsessing and worrying about everything. I know too much about pregnancy and giving advice that I am literally bursting with information that I know I am too stuck in my ways to follow, even though I will probably feel better if I do.

My children are bouncing off the walls, just tempting me to raise my voice at every turn. My kids depend on me for everything. My husband depends on me. I've got midwifery school, patients, homework. A house to run, homeschooling to manage. In the next few years, I am going to be completely reaponsible for teaching a real person to read.

I bet my older ones and husband are expecting a meal when they come in from chopping wood all day. Who is going to do all the cooking? I'm just going to get tired and sick.

My hands are already going numb at night, and I threw up the other morning.

My Flower sits at my feet and says, "Mama - I need jew."

Who is going to comfort me?

What *was* I thinking? Sheesh.

Got Milk?

I do. A whole bunch of it. And my Little Man is just eating it up.

It seems the demons of sleep deprivation are still at it. No, I'm not here to complain to anyone about the "normal" sort of sleep deprivation most new mamas and papas have. My new dude is giving me plenty of time to sleep. He sleeps a couple of 2-3 stretches each day (and night!), which is more than either of my previous two babes have.

No, my problem is still that I cannot sleep. He's asleep and I'm laying there with my mind racing. Maybe I just need to write a list. Maybe I'm just really excited. And maybe I am losing my mind. At any rate, sleep isn't really happening. Hopefully, it will all work out.

Wanna hear about something else I got besides Milk?

Asteroids. Yep, you heard me. Asteroids.

Think pushing. Think Tucks Medicated Pads. Now think of the location in your body one would jump to if I said the biblical word for donkey.

You got it. Asteroid.

Why? Why do I refer to them this way you ask?

Location. Number one.

And next - because they both erupt into a fiery hell when exposed to the atmosphere.

You know, I thought with my previous two births that I experienced hemorrhoids. Nope. Those were just little tags of skin that took care of themselves and were occasionally a pain (in the ass, hee hee) when trying to decide if one was done pooping.

I now have something alive down there. It burns. It itches. It makes you think you have a piece of poo still hanging out of your butt when you're sure you're done. It's (they are) huge. My husband says, "Welcome to getting old." Yeah. Thanks old dude. Now I whilst sit here and steam while my nether regions are being lit on fire and swelling.

So I have decided my best bet is to invest heavily in witch hazel and find a donut.

~H