Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Oops! I did it again....

I know, I know. I promised no more long pauses. Well, not promise exactly. But I casually mentioned that I was going to make an effort not to let it go too long.

Times they are a changin'.

My life, being busy as always, has been far too busy for this or anything else related to time to one's self. But maybe that's the point.

Let me explain. First, I have had time to read some other blogs. While on vacation from posting here I have read up on many important subjects and pondered some very important things: the upcoming election, prayer, sacrifice, abortion, the origin of the word fetus, Montessori learning (for my toddler), karate (for my 8 year old), sore nipples (from my newborn, who's 8 weeks old now)....just to name a few.

The most important thing I read and reflected on was how life is not about what you do but whom you serve. It lead me to rethink my busy-ness (which, ironically, I was going to spell business). My vocation from the Lord is to be a wife and mother. I am studying to be a midwife, which I also feel called to do, but I feel like that calling is something that is meant to be put on hold until my children are (much) older.

So if what I do is being a mom, housewife, homemaker, spouse, partner, or whatever other conventional label you want to give it - who am I serving?

The obvious answer is I serve my family. And there is truth in that. I serve my husband. I am a diligent steward of the sacrifices he makes for our family and he is honestly my best friend. I serve my children, not just things like breakfast and dinner. I serve them by helping them grow and learn, gently guiding them (sometimes forcefully) to God through (I hope) love and faith. But who is at the heart of all of this? And what am I telling my children about my vocation as they see me drag myself through the day, exhausted at times and even, *gasp*, complaining (ok, a lot of complaining).

Whom do I serve?

I realize, after much reflection and with much humility, that my ultimate vocation is to serve God. I haven't been chosen to serve Him through consecrated life or single life. I haven't been given a gift that can readily be shared with the poor or sick, although I do strive to incorporate that into my life (God help me). I have been chosen to serve God by serving those who He has put into my life and my care.

The precious children he has entrusted to me are my service and my gift to Him and the world He created. What kind of example am I to them if I constantly grumble and whine about the vocation I have been called to? Would He want me to teach them that if this indeed becomes their calling that they too should dread it? Would He want me to be uninspiring? I think not.

With much pondering of these questions I have a new found joy about my everyday busyness (again, my neato word) and the occasional burnout and weariness I face. It is truly a blessing to be a mother to these children, and a wife, companion, and friend to my husband. The legacy I want to leave to my children is one of profound humility, joy (again, 'cause I just can't think of a better word), prudence, and courage at being found worthy enough to be called by Him to serve.


P.S. Expect more posts, especially those with a political flair, to come soon.

No comments: