Monday, December 15, 2008

Not "Enough"

Lately, I have been tempted to feel not "enough".

Sometimes, it's not Catholic enough. Others, not "crafty" enough. And there's always the not blogging "enough". Not a good mama enough. Not a good enough cook (ok, well, really I am a good enough cook, I take that one back). Not thin enough. Not pretty enough. Not able to keep up with everything enough.

Why do we allow ourselves to feel this way?

As women, I think it is easy enough not to feel enough ALL THE TIME. Look at mainstream society. We are bombarded with images of "adults" looking like preteen, super skinny, airbrushed, "perfect" creatures. It takes a true turn to look at what God intended for us to realize how fake indeed that idea of beauty is.

Women were designed to have families. Families prevent us from being perfect in society's eyes, but not God's. When I look at myself in the mirror, I *try* (very hard) to see not an imperfect body, but what my body shows I have done for my family.

My soft, round middle is the purple heart for the three glorious children I have bore, without the need for drugs, thankyouverymuch. My overspilling (yes, they overspill) breasts are proof positive that I have nourished my children in the divine manner that God gave me. My short hair is end product of being able to keep my baby near me at all times, even when I shower. My jeans are snug fitting because instead of taking time for Pilates or Yoga, I surrender myself to attachment parenting and know that my children are receiving the best care I can offer them. Period. My clothes aren't the most fashionable, because my money and time are better spent caring for my home than for my wardrobe.

As far as those other "enough"s are concerned:

I try not to take things others do too seriously. Sometimes when I am out in the bloggy world it is too easy to get caught up thinking, "How come they have so much time to write such inspiring things? Why does their blog look so cool? How come I'm not making people want to read my blog?" I realize that these are temptations of satan himself trying to make me feel inadequate and lure me away from my true responsibility, that of sole care-provider for my home and family.

Sometimes, at Mass, I am tempted to feel not Catholic enough. Is there such a thing? Or is this yet another hit the devil takes at me to make me feel lacking and unqualified?

I see other families with perfectly behaved children, Mom and Dad in their Sunday best, no snacks, no one distracted. But my children are children. They act like regular kids. They don't always pay attention and we could never make it through Mass without a bottle of water and some cheerios.

Are jeans really that horrible? My husband has been away from the Church for the majority of his life. I thing God is pretty darn happy that he shows up at all, jeans or no.

And when my kids are sick, or I am 2 weeks post-partum, I have to believe that God understands that I can't make it if I am to fulfill his request that I tend to my vocation as mother and care for my children. Sometimes also, it's just too cold to take the little ones out of the house.

And so, I will try to feel instead of "not enough" that I am in fact doing just as He intended for me to do. Enough.

~H

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Amen, Sister!!

~C

Anonymous said...

I have been feeling very "not enough" myself lately... (How did you know I needed this today?)

~C

Jen S said...

I agree 100%...you're not alone. Not by a long shot.

MamaMidwife said...

Thanks guys!

Hopefully when Advent and the Christmas season are closing, I'll have more time to get my thoughts out on screen (instead of paper).

~H

Aubrey said...

What a beautiful post! I think that almost all mothers are tempted to wonder these things. We are all doing our best! :)

Anonymous said...

Enough! You are definetly Catholic enough! Are you more faithful than you were last Christmas? Are you growing holier and seeking the narrow path? As a fellow seeker, I would say YES! It's so obvious to those of us priivy to your faith jounrey that you have a sincere desire to be a good wife, a good mother, and a good Catholic. Saints are sinners who just keep trying. :) MLF

MamaMidwife said...

MLF -

You ROCK!!

Thanks