Yearning

The curious ways of postpartum hormones. I am aching, aching I tell you, for my 2 year old.

She is my baby girl. I feel like I have gone and ruined her world. She looks at me. She wants me to hold her. She wants to be my entire world. And I want to be her entire world. But, that is not the way it is.

I have a little(r) one. One who needs me for everything. She does not understand. And neither do I.

I found myself lying in bed, crying because I missed her. She didn't want me. She was mad at me. She cannot believe that there is someone else in her space. Sometimes, when the space is open, she wants it. Other times, she shuns my efforts to cuddle.

How do I find balance? Where is the middle ground? I know she is reacting in a conventionally "normal" way - but it still doesn't feel right.

I know she will mature. I know she will be OK. I know she will understand that the Little Man isn't going anywhere and it's OK. I know that she will not always need me and will find other ways to be comforted.

Who will comfort me?

~H