Sunday, November 15, 2009

Old Hurts

Today, of all days, the devil rears his ugly head and puts into my mind the memory of old pains.

On my way to Mass today, listening to the radio, I distinctly could hear my husband uttering ugly truths to me just as he had done almost 3 years ago. As clear as day, I could see him in my mind, sitting on the couch in a therapist's office after spending 3 days away from our home. He sat there, looking completely pitiful, and told me the worst thing I could have ever imagined to hear.

So, what does one do? I have already reconciled these truths. I have already done much recovery, dealt with my OWN issues, hurt, cried, been angry, loved, and forgiven. What do I do when this hurt builds up behind me and takes me by surprise.

I did the only thing I could do - I took it to the Tabernacle. I took it there, and I left it there. (I hope.)

I was not able to participate in Mass as I would have liked. I spent the majority of Mass, save the Eucharist, in the narthex. So after Mass, I let my eldest son watch my younger two, with the help of his God-siblings, and I gathered myself up to go inside and pray.

I prayed hard. I didn't say anything very deep or rehearsed. I didn't even know what to say. I just asked Him to take it away. I asked for Love. I asked for somebody, preferably Him, to love me as I have never been loved. I asked Him to surround me with His infinite Love and fill my heart until it could hold no more.

Take that, Satan!


Candy Rant said...

And that is all you can do. And I'm glad you did it.

May your old wounds disappear like steam from a window.

MamaMidwife said...


Thanks. Nice to see you occasionally blogging too - especially the pics of Mom & Dad.

The words of encouragement here are definitely welcome and needed. Thank you again.