Today, of all days, the devil rears his ugly head and puts into my mind the memory of old pains.
On my way to Mass today, listening to the radio, I distinctly could hear my husband uttering ugly truths to me just as he had done almost 3 years ago. As clear as day, I could see him in my mind, sitting on the couch in a therapist's office after spending 3 days away from our home. He sat there, looking completely pitiful, and told me the worst thing I could have ever imagined to hear.
So, what does one do? I have already reconciled these truths. I have already done much recovery, dealt with my OWN issues, hurt, cried, been angry, loved, and forgiven. What do I do when this hurt builds up behind me and takes me by surprise.
I did the only thing I could do - I took it to the Tabernacle. I took it there, and I left it there. (I hope.)
I was not able to participate in Mass as I would have liked. I spent the majority of Mass, save the Eucharist, in the narthex. So after Mass, I let my eldest son watch my younger two, with the help of his God-siblings, and I gathered myself up to go inside and pray.
I prayed hard. I didn't say anything very deep or rehearsed. I didn't even know what to say. I just asked Him to take it away. I asked for Love. I asked for somebody, preferably Him, to love me as I have never been loved. I asked Him to surround me with His infinite Love and fill my heart until it could hold no more.
Take that, Satan!