Get Some Tissues

I just watched this. Go get a tissue. If you're pregnant, go get a whole box.

This is one of the reasons I must be a midwife. I must gain the skills to keep this option open for healthy women.

~H

Don't Forget -

New baby showers.

Little baby smiles.

Becoming a dad, again.

Fat little baby feet.

And starting over again. Me & You. It's been hard, but very worth it.

Happy Birthday! I love you. Thank you for giving me the best years of your life. I'm glad I stuck around.

Heather Ann

Remember These, Too?

Fishing up North.

Having a "little" boy.

Your young wife.

Young and skinny.

Remember?

Finding out we were pregnant?

Our "little" house at Christmas?

Christmas pageants?

Having a beard? Would that make you "bearded"?

Being skinny?

Used Diapers Anyone?

Ok. I admit it.

Hi, my name is Heather. I am a cloth diaper addict. (Everyone clap and make me feel welcome.)

With this new bundle of joy on the way, my brain has been going a little crazy making sure our stash is up to par. I have been stalking this site, checking often for good deals on used diapers.

While I love a good deal, my mind is constantly shocked (shocked, I say!!) at what some want to charge for used diapers. I understand that many of the diapers cost well over $10 or even $20 (for the ones that are one-size or All-In-Ones) brand new. I have a favorite place to buy new diapers - here. But, we are talking used. As in, "My kid has shit and pissed in these pieces of cloth, be them lovely as they were before the excrement, and now that he/she has outgrown them I wish to sell them to someone else."

There are some out there being sold for *gasp* $15 each!! Used! Diapers! Really. I am not joking. Most are in the $8-$12 range. Used. Used. Used. (The word is starting to look funky to me.) I have even seen one for sale, used, for $28. T-w-e-n-t-y e-i-g-h-t. 2. 8. I realize this particular diaper sells new for $35 - but really, $28, after your child has USED it! I am truly amazed.

What kicks me in the ass even more is that PEOPLE are actually PAYING this for the USED DIAPERS. Really. Paying. And happy about it.

I myself, cannot be brought to pay more than 1/2 (at the MOST) of retail for a diaper that is used. I really like these diapers. A lot. But, they are $12 each new. So I've been looking for them used. I have bought a few sets - I got 3 for $13 (shipping included) the other day and 4 for $11 about a week later. Not bad. But most of the posts for this brand are selling them for $8-10 each. Used. I just cannot do it. And I must tell you, my dear reader, about it because? Well, because I can. I think it's weird and I'd like everyone to know just how strange I find this practice of selling something that's been peed on (washed, yes, but PEED on, and POOPED in) for almost what you paid for it.

AND, and of course there's more - these aren't even All-in-One diapers. They need a cover. You still have to have some kind of cover to make them work. It isn't like your $8 used per diaper price is going to help you as much as you think. You need some kind of cover like this one or this one to keep them from getting everything around them wet.

Anyway. I am an addict. And I will keep stalking. I will not, however, pay too much for a USED diaper, no matter how cute they are in the pictures or how fluffy I know them to be. Not to mention the fact that my husband 'bout came out of his pants when I showed him the dipes that were being sold for those prices. "Used!" he said. "They're used! What happened to garage-sale prices?"

I am totally with you honey.

~H

Neglected

Dear Daddy,

I am so sorry for not thinking you were here. I have been wondering where you were, especially since it's so hard to see you and your work doesn't show up so easily compared to everyone else's. I thought you had gone. Then I dreamt about you last night. I actually came to see you and you forgave me for not coming back to visit for so long.

I realize that I have actually been neglecting you - and I am so sad because of it. I asked Mama to help me last night and to talk to you for me. I know I can't start right back up again as strong as I was before. Do you think you can help me? Did Mama come and talk to you like I asked her to?

I need you. I need your help. I promise I won't fall so far away again. Although I know even if I do, you'll be right there to help me back up again. It's so hard to believe even though you've done it for me so many times. No one else here has ever been that strong for me. They always let me down and never love me unless I love them first.

Thank you for loving me no matter what. I hope I can start to believe it more strongly. I am sorry I wasn't paying as much attention to you as you deserve. I don't mean to test you. Thank you, thank you for always being there. I am on my way back home. If it's all right with you, I think I'll just pass notes to you through Mama for a few nights, until I get better at it and can talk to you myself.

Thanks for understanding. I love you Daddy.

Heather

Bloggy Carnival Giveaway!!!

Here's where you can enter to win, literally, hundreds of giveaways for free stuff from the bloggers.

Yep - I kinda forgot to add this link to the last post.

~H

Shameless Promotion II

Yes, I found more contests to enter. You should enter them, too!!

Next year, when I am not so darn close to delivering another life into this world, I hope to join all the wonderful bloggers and offer a prize as well.

You should check out Amy's Finer Things In Life. Check out this cool online store here, and you can enter to win some free stuff on her blog.

Good Luck

~H

Ewww.....

I am up because I cannot sleep right now. I am sure I will go back to bed soon, as my gorgeous blonds are so cutely cuddled together in bed right now and I won't be able to resist joining them.

Anyway - the Ewww......

I was thinking of the aforementioned "If I Were" song, by Jim Henson. I thought, "Hey, maybe I should see if I can find the tape, ooooh, or even CD, online for sale. So I looked on Ebay, and found the tape listed for about $10.00. Then I went to Amazon. I searched "Used Music" for "sesame street". I got 307 results. All actually related to what I searched for expect maybe 4 listings.

Yes, there was a listing for the tape/CD I wanted in the 307 - tape $7.95, CD $49.99!! Yep that seller is out of their mind. For fifty bucks, I'll just try to remember all the lyrics. They'll come back to me soon enough.

Ok, I'm sorry, off track again. The Ewwww....... in the listings is a CD entitled "How To Be Happy All The Time [Explicit Lyrics]". The cover of this CD, which I would never in a million years include on my blog (nor can I bring myself to include the link) is a photograph of a woman in her *ahem* birthday suit playing the piano with a nice yellow smily face sticker covering the only body part you would expect to be sticking out from the side view.

I will not soil your minds with anymore description. But Ewwww!!!! I said "sesame street" - not "hey I'd like to see some porn while I'm at it". Eww, eww, eww. Yuck. I want to bleach my eyes out, but I do rather like the sense of sight as a permanent one.

How does one get one's "Explicit Lyric" CD to show up in a search for Sesame Street anyway?

Eww.

~H

Love Note to My Beloved

Stolen from Jim Henson, of course (and been stuck in my head all week):

If I were a poet -

I would write a sonnet.

It would say, "I Love You."

Your name would be on it.

I love you, and I can't wait to feel normal and happy again and just be your wife - and not a crazy pregnant person. Thanks for putting up with me.

~H

Joy

Finding her somewhere other than where you left her for her nap.



Seeing him help out in a way you've never even thought about asking for.





These two blond babes.

Does this even need an explanation?? Look at that fat little baby butt!! Dontcha just want to squeeze all those rolls?

~H

Cry, Yell, Cry, Kiss, Cry, Yell some more.....

Have I mentioned at all that my hormones are completely out of whack? Or that they are in whack and I am just completely out of it?

It seems they have found a balance that is working quite well for growing a baby. Not so well for running a household. I find myself yelling at my children, and my husband, then crying because I feel bad for yelling, then I may yell some more because something isn't going right. My husband, Bless his heart, will try and console my offended heart (offend by my own actions) and may even offer a kiss or a hug. Two minutes later, I am crying again.

This is the craziest I have ever felt. It is like those dreams you have where you're watching yourself and yelling at yourself to do something smart - like run from the bad guy - and you don't listen to yourself. I am watching myself be an idiot and I feel helpless. I am treating my poor family like dirt (OK, maybe not ALL the time, but you know how you can beat yourself up and convince yourself it's worse than it is?) and screaming at myself in my head to stop - and it doesn't STOP. AT ALL. ARGH!!

Of course, it could just be hormones. It could be a combination of a few other things as well. Like - for instance - I haven't been keeping up very well in my prayer life. I haven't talked to Him nearly as much as I should be. And likewise, since I am doing no good making an effort to talk to Him, listening to Him has fallen by the wayside as well.

And we all know when you aren't listening to Him, it becomes very easy to hear that other Evil, Heinous voice that starts off quietly making simple, easy suggestions to you to "solve" your problems but ends up ruining any of your endeavors to get back on track to where you where before you heard it's voice.

It's a vicious cycle. It doesn't help having the demon of depression (yes, I stole your vocabulary my dear friend L, but it is such a good descriptor I just couldn't help it) tugging away at my brain, making me wince with pain each time it nudges little suggestions in my head. I have been dealing with this particular demon for quite some time, and it's no easier being pregnant. In a time when I know I should be happy and ecstatic, the demon convinces me that I can't be because I am not good enough, not doing enough, not pretty enough, not mom enough, not wife enough, and not worth enough to deserve happiness.

I have managed to throw the demon off the side of the boat and sail far, far away in the last few years. But, during this and the last pregnancy he has managed to access my route and somehow cut me off when I am almost at the end of the journey. Very frustrating.

His attempt to foil my plans however did not work last time. And as much as I am complaining (oh yes, that's what those few paragraphs above are) and worrying (yes, that too) I know in the deepest recess of my soul that he will not prevail again. I know that He will help me out of this. I know that He is just waiting for me to come to Him and say, "I can't do this by myself. I can't fix this. I need You to take this and deal with it Your way. My way is not working, nor should I have attempted it my way in the first place. I know that Your way is better. I know that You know better than I how to make this work and that I need to trust that You will do that."

This seems to be a reoccurring theme I have going on. Not trusting Him or His Way. It's kind of ironic. I have a sign hanging up in my bathroom. It's very dear to me. I picked it up on my honeymoon with My Best Friend and when we got home he hung it up for me. It says, "Good Morning. This is God. I will be handling all of your problems today. So relax, and have a nice day." I look at that sign everyday, probably more than once. And yet, I don't listen. Here He is saying, "Bring me the problems and LEAVE them WITH ME." And I keep dropping them off - and picking them back up. I am sure He's up there shaking his head at me going, "Heather (yep, He knows my name, my name! Isn't that cool?), I already told you I'd take care of that. Just because I haven't gotten to it right this instant doesn't mean I won't get to it in my own time. You don't have to take it back." But I do. And He just shakes his head, waiting for me to come back around when I realize, as I always do, that some stuff just needs to go into the S.F.G.D.W. pile (that would be Stuff For God to Deal With pile).

I am thankful that His Grace and Mercy are always available to me no matter how many times I turn my back on them. I know I will do it again. Especially with this whole hormone, depression demon, pregnancy, real life happening all around me everyday.

I think I jumped around on one too many subjects with this one folks. Forgive me. I wasn't really sure where this was going when I started it. Apparently, He has lead me to where I needed to go. And now I know what to do to get back where I need to be (as I sit here and yell at my kids to leave me alone. Do I really think that's going to happen anytime soon? Am I living in the same reality as the rest of you?).

Again.

~H

Crack Me, Please.

In an effort to restore rest at my house, I ventured to the chiropractor today.

It's one of those things that really isn't that hard to do. I live a mere minute(s) away from her office. She carries lots of items in her office I that I drive into the "big city" to get. She is friendly and knowledgeable about her profession. She gets the job done.

Why do I torture myself by lying home in pain when it is so easy to get up and go to see her?

Because: my mind is clouded with other "needs", "worries", and "important" stuff and I never take the time to take care of ME. I gotta stop doing that.

It is so nice to go and see someone who, yes is being paid, but still, pays attention to YOU and what YOU have to say and gives YOU advice (that is backed with education and research) about how to help your ailing body.

Once I arrived there I about shot myself in the foot for paying a health-store pharmacy in the big city to ship a supplement to me that I found on Dr. H's shelf for about 1/2 the price. Right here in town! A minute from my home!

After my adjustment, I promised her I would return soon and often. I also promised her I would remember that she stocked all the wonderful, natural, herbal, homeopathic remedies I use and dispense to my children and husband.

Why, you ask, would I need to be cracked? Am I a nut? A patch on concrete on the highway? Nope. I am a pregnant mama. I have gummy joints. I am experiencing extreme carpal tunnel. The pain is so bad it is waking me up at night and bringing forth tears. Real tears. I went so far as to take actual Tylenol last night to get some relief and rest. While this may seem a normal, everyday kind of thing for some of you out there, anyone who knows me knows I don't resort to pills unless it is a last, extreme resource. It did the job - for about 2 hours. I even took the friggin' Extra Strength version.

Enter the chiropractor. My dear friend. My sweet release, literally. Having all your bones, joints, ligaments, and nerves put back in place really makes a difference. It also makes you feel a little silly when you know that at any time in the past 3 months you could have had the same relief had you only bothered to pick up the phone and make an appointment.

I would highly recommend that everyone make good friends with a local chiropractor and be able to enjoy life in good health. It's kinda funny for me: When I am not pregnant, and otherwise "healthy" I make it a point to go at least once a week. Then I get all hormone filled and "woe, woe is me" and I can't even be bothered to pick myself up and get out of the house. I will not be making that mistake again. I must repeat this so it gets into my brain and happens......I WILL NOT BE MAKING THAT MISTAKE AGAIN.

I will take care of myself. I will go and get adjusted. I will take my supplements regularly. I will treat myself as if I as am important as the rest of my family.

And the Winner Is.....?

Ok, no nobody even responded. But that's OK.

Estrogen is produced by the Graafian follicle (which I always misspell). The Graafian follicle is the "mature" ovum ready to leave the ovary at ovulation. So technically, the ovaries produce estrogen. Estrogen repairs and replaces the endometrial lining - which you shed during menses. Something has to regrow it each month, and that something is estrogen. It also promotes linear bone growth.

As a side note, and one of the reasons I posted that particular quiz and questions, is that it does kinda make you crazy. Especially when you are pregnant. But we'll get to that in a minute.

Progesterone is produced by the Corpus Luteum (another one I frequently misspell). The Corpus Luteum, which means "yellow body" is what is left once the graafian follicle expells the ovum towards the fallopian tube. If you can imagine your ovary....there is this little cyst that "pops" and lets out an egg...then you have this little yellow "wound" leftover. Progesterone supports and maintains the pregnancy. So, if you become pregnant after ovulation, the Corpus Luteum will ensure your uterus and body are well prepared to support your growing baby with a nice, think lining and other fun stuff. If you do not become pregnant, the Corpus Luteum disappears.

Progesterone also makes you crazy. It can make you nauseous. It can make other "normal" functions in your body abnormal. For instance, your digestive track slows down so as to absorb as much nutrients as possible from everything you ingest. Great! There will be more available for the baby!! Woo Hoo!! But, this can make you gassy (ask any husband of a pregnant mama), crampy, constipated, and all around irritable. It also causes vaso-dialation. Which means that your veins get bigger. Since your blood supply doesn't get up to its peak until around 20 weeks, this can make you dizzy, weak feeling, and tired in early pregnancy.

Relaxin is produced by the placenta. It helps to relax the ligaments and joints in your pelvis so your body has an easier time allowing your baby to squeeze his way out. Of course, this can't be "directed" to just one area of your body - just like when you take antibiotics you can't tell them to just kill the strep throat. They kill all the bacteria, good and bad, you have causing diarrhea and sometimes yeast infections. Yuck. Well, the relaxin relaxes ALL your joints and ligaments. I have gained a shoe size with each child. My hands seem bigger. And, once you gain all that weight towards the end of pregnancy AND your pelvis is loosening up it makes you pretty clumsy even when all your trying to do is walk. Fun, fun, fun.

Testosterone is obviously made in the adrenal glands in females, as we have no testicles. Most of us anyway. In pregnancy, you can blame or boast, depending on how you feel about it, all the skin, hair, and sex drive changes to testosterone.

So the combo "estrogen/progesterone/relaxin/testosterone" hormone cocktail put me in a rather interesting mood the other night. I was crying for no apparent reason, mad at my husband (again, no reason), wanting him to *wink* "pay attention" to me at the same time (if you can figure out what I mean: at our house we refer to that subject as "mowing the lawn"), and simultaneously waddling around the house running into every corner and wall I could find.

I feel sorry for my husband.

~H

Ditto For This One

Yep, and then I found this contest. It's a huge stash of diapers. You know how you can get about diapers when there's a new little one hanging around (or about to be).

Win a Bum Genius 3.0 Starter Kit from Nature's Child - Wholesome Goods for Mothers and Babies


~H

Shameless Promotion

I found a link to this contest on another blog. Oh, how I would love to win the Baby Wearing Stash!! Go ahead, enter the contest.

Win the Essential Babywearing Stash from Along for the Ride (one Beco Butterfly, one Hotsling baby pouch, one BabyHawk Mei Tai, one Zolowear Ring Sling, and one Gypsy Mama Wrap)

~H

Hormones: Pop quiz

The first one to get all the answers right wins......nothing but a good feeling in your tummy knowing that you can quote the source and function of all things female.

1. Estrogen comes from:

A) Graffian Follice
B) Ovary
C) A & B
D) Deep recess of space reserved for PMS

2. Function of estrogen:

A) Repairs and replaces endometrial lining
B) Promotes linear bone growth
C) Keeps family away when you just don't need to be bothered
D) Explains how one can bleed straight for 7 days and not die

3. Progesterone comes from:

A) Corpus Lueteum
B) Ovary
C) A & B
D) Crazy pregnant people

4. Function of progesterone:

A) Maintains and supports pregnancy
B) Inhibits prolactin
C) A & B
D) Evokes uncontrollable crying and mood swings, causing those around you to assume you are completely nuts

5. Relaxin comes from:

A) WTF is relaxin?
B) Placenta
C) Ovary
D) Getting the kids to bed before you are ready for bed

6. Function of relaxin:

A) Relaxes joints and ligaments in preparation for childbirth
B) Causes your feet to grow a full size with each pregnancy
C) Makes you waddle as you lose your sense of balance due to spreading of hips in all directions
D) Makes you wish it meant it would actually RELAX you so you could enjoy this journey until your baby arrives instead of being a nervous wreck

7. Testosterone comes from:

A) Dudes
B) More specifically, their gonads
C) Females have testosterone?
D) Adrenal glands (in females)

8. Function of testosterone:

A) Makes you stupid and kills brain cells (in men)
B) Responsible for skin pigment changes, hair growth changes, and changes in sex drive in the pregnant woman
C) Inhibits normal thinking
D) Explains why sometimes pregnant women don't think as normally as they would

I hope this was fun and enjoyable. Answers (yes, the real answers are there) to come tomorrow.

~H

Happy Wife

My husband took the test too. He got a higher score than I did! Ha!

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105

As a 1930s husband, I am
Very Superior

Take the test!

Go Ahead, Take the Test

97 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Superior http://www.magatsu.net/maritaltest/">Take the test!

http://www.magatsu.net/maritaltest/

Can I use the Bathroom Alone?

I found myself asking this question of my children last night. It reminded me of an essay I wrote for a college English class I took about 4 years ago. I dug it up and thought I'd share it with you.

Enjoy!

~H

Jack of All Trades, Better Known as Mom

I like to think of myself as a person - someone with their own rights and a little privacy. Unfortunately for me, life does not turn out the way most of us plan. For example, I haven’t
gone to the bathroom alone in 6 years. Little interruptions to my plans have steered me away from being just a person and have guided me to what I am now, which is a Jack of All Trades.

My first unplanned event was my son. For nine months I was a baby-maker. Apparently a very good one, as I made a very strong, healthy, and heavy baby who weighed in at 18 pounds by 2 ½ months of age. For the next nine months, I was a combo feeding machine (in the literal sense, as in breasts)/radio/maid. I fed my child non-stop, learned how to sing every song in the Barney Library by heart and on command, and did more laundry than I thought possible for such a small person to accumulate in such a short time.

As my baby grew, so did my repertoire of jobs. I became a doctor and a nurse, diagnosing ailments I didn’t know existed and treating them with remedies only a mother’s mother could teach you. During my son’s toddler years I way a toy repairman, yielding my screwdriver whenever necessary to replace the batteries in poor worn out Pooh’s back so he could sing and dance once again.

Divorced and remarried several years later (more interruptions), I earned the coveted title of tutor. I had married myself into school age children who these days get as much homework in a single night at elementary school as I remember getting in a whole week of secondary school. Not only that, but they teach this “New Math” stuff these days that is a far cry from learning the correlation between the 20’s family and the 30’s family. Not only was I a tutor, but I needed one as well.

These days I struggle to keep up with the nagging titles I take on everyday. I am still a maid, although I don’t turn down beds. I have become a chef, which I learned is a short-order cook who has had enough and now plans meals well in advance, take it or leave it. Five days a week (and some weekends) I am a chauffer, carting my kids to school, birthday parties, and the like. Still a doctor and nurse I have been puked on, peed on, bleed on, and pooped on for the past 6 years, and one of my kids is almost to high school.

Would I trade in these professions to live a single day as a regular, privacy loving person? Sure. Would it be nice to not have to say “Mommy is pooping!” to get the bathroom to myself occasionally? Yes, it would. But where would I be without my family? What would I have in life without having learned it from them? There are who I am. I feel more blessed than anything that instead of having to say, “I’m a person” I can say, “I’m a Mom”, and be truly happy for it.

Pardon My Dust

You know how men are when they get a new "toy" and they can't leave it alone until they've figured out everything it does (even if it's just a sander, for Pete's sake - hello! It sands!)?

Well, I just figured out that my *new* laptop, the one I've had for at least a year if not more, has an SD drive for the little disk in my digital camera. That means I can upload pictures. To My Computer. Pretty cool and very 21st Century of me, dontcha think? So, I have been playing around with pictures and added a few here to my blog. The baby in the bath is the same petite flower I talk of often. The Wobbers is well, the Wobbs. And the baby and mama sleeping are me and the Flower on vacation at my Grandpa and Aunt's farm last summer.

Hopefully, I can figure out how to add them to my posts as well.

Anybody wondering why I am up so early?

The Flower went to bed around 9:30, and I insisted the Wobbers go at 10:30. I also crawled into bed around then and got my best 3 hour block of sleep last night. Then I was up at 1am. I stayed in bed only because the Flower was lonely and freaked out every time I moved more than an inch away from her. I got back to sleep around 3, and by 5 I was awake again. When My Dear Best Friend came to bed at 6:30, just over an hour ago, I finally was able to exit the room.

Now I gotta get the Wobbers up for baseball practice, and then I think it's time for breakfast and some studying. I've got a big test next month at school that covers everything we've done for the last semester (which started in March). We've had NO tests so far and have been informed that this test should/will take the entire day (about 8 hours) to complete at our next get together. Ooo, how much fun will that be?

Off I am.

P.S. Have you thanked God for all the blessings in your life today? Go ahead, thank Him. You'll be happy you did and so will He.

~H

WTF!!??

Please use your "adult" vocabulary to figure out what the title of this post says.

I heard about this on the radio today.

Why is it that in our country you will be discredited as a person, made a mockery, thought of as a fool, or cast out of most social circles for saying anything slanderous or discriminatory about any group - UNLESS, of course, you are talking about "white" people (what a stupid name for that particular group, dontcha think?), the Catholic Church, or Catholics in general? Why is it OK to say whatever the %$&* you want about Catholics when if you were saying the same thing about say Muslims or Judaism or Hispanics people would freak out and cast stones in your direction?

After hearing about this issue on the radio and reading the article online, I have to say I am feeling a little, I don't know, irritated. It is a ridiculous "resolution" the city of San Francisco passed. I am sure that not all San Franciscans are "insulted" by the Churches decision not to allow homosexuals to adopt children through their agency. There is a Diocese of San Francisco. There are Catholics there, and I am sure Christians alike, who more than likely agree with this decision. Furthermore, the Constitution of the United States states very clearly, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." It's actually the first part of the First Amendment. Duh.

Anyway, I just thought I needed to share this with you all.

On a completely separate note: I did get to sleep last night. It was much later than I would have liked when I finally got to lay down (around 1:00AM), but fall asleep I did. And then - *tap* *tap* - somebody's trying to wake me up. "What?" I kind of moaned. "Where THE HECK are YOU GOING?" my dear husband asked me. Apparently, I had been running in my sleep. Like moving both legs back and forth as if pursuing a career as a marathon runner. I informed him I was going back to sleep. I had no idea I was kicking - I was just glad to be asleep.

Of course, I informed him today that if he would like to wake me up again while I am sleeping, I will make sure that neither of us can sleep after I am awake. Hee hee. Seriously though, I feel sorry for the poor guy. It can't be easy to sleep with a very pregnant mama and a petite little flower.

~H

Tired

I am tired. Not your average, oh well, lets just push it a few more minutes kind of tired. Really tired. Really, really, really tired. See how I keep repeating myself? I can't even think of a more interesting word to use than "really".

But really (again) I am scared. I am scared to go to bed because once I get there I won't be tired anymore. Because? Because I will be uncomfortable. My hands will start to hurt from the Carpel Tunnel which engulfs them at this stage of pregnancy. I will start to go somewhere, kicking and twisting my legs like a maniac. My forearms will hurt with deferred pain from my wrists. I will flip from side to side until a few hours have passed and I am just so mad that I can't fall asleep that I have to get up.

It's going to suck. In reality, I really will still be tired, but unable to achieve actual rest due to my current condition. I like to refer to this as the "I'm Going To Be Pregnant Forever" Stage. It occurs around week 34 or so and creeps up on you like a stealth bomber. You never actually believe it's going to come until it is here.

I remember, during this pregnancy and others, thinking around 20 weeks or so - This Isn't So Bad. I Am Going To Be OK. I Can Handle This. It's Moving Faster Than The Last One.

Sure. Whatever.

Then 34 weeks roll along and you start to imagine news headlines like, "Woman Still Pregnant At 68; Fetus, Age 41, Is Doing Fine".

Then, my conscious gets ahold of me and I realize the baby will come out eventually. As much as I no longer wish to be pregnant this baby needs more time to grow. Professionally speaking, I know a lot about what needs to happen in the last few weeks of gestation, and I know the baby will use the time well. I also know I am not going to be getting a whole lot of sleep once this baby is on the outside of my body. I do know that I will, however, be able to find a comfortable position to catch 45 minute stretches of sleep every 3 hours - and that is what I am really looking forward to.

God, please help me through this. I know I can do it, but only with Your Guidance and Grace. My heart is full of love for this child and I need Your Love to remind me that You know what is best and will send this baby to me when the time is right.

~H

A New Year

I realize it's the middle of July. All major superstores have the school supplies out. With the humidity it feels like it's 180 degrees outside. My poor A/C has been pushing it to the limit everyday (and we love you for it!). The departments stores apparently think we need winter clothing at this point - because obviously if you don't stock long sleeve shirts, sweaters, and pants now, we'll all forget they're necessary by the time it actually gets cold in December.

So, I am hopping on the bandwagon. School starts at my house tomorrow. Yes, you heard me right, tomorrow. Am I a little lost? Maybe. Have I succumbed to the Secular Media's skewed view of the world? Possibly. Or, more likely, am I just sick of everyone and everything shouting out to us, "Stop enjoying Summer! Stop relaxing and laying around! There are things to be done! Prepare for the "Big Freeze"! Buy your notebooks - because you won't be able to find them once school really starts!" and decided it was time to do something with it instead of against it.

Anyone who knows me is thinking I really have lost my brain right about now.

Really? Really, it's that I am 8 months pregnant. I have a baby due August 29th. I do not want to do school with my 8 year old in September or October. So we are starting now. When the baby comes, he can have a two month break. I reasoned with him that it would be a more normal temperature AND be some kind of hunting season and he would have loads more fun being outside then than now - when it's 180 degrees outside.

Of course, he's no dummy. "But mom, !!??, all my building-school (what he calls regular school) friends have the summer off. There won't be anyone to play with in the fall. !!??" Look buddy, I am not going to overwhelm myself with teaching while I am trying to establish nursing. "We can just take those months off, too. I know you don't want to be too busy. And you're tired now. I don't want to start school." Too freakin' bad kid. You're not getting a five month break, and I am not going to stress myself once this little one comes.

So, tomorrow it is.

It feels nice, actually. I went through the bookshelves and took all of last year's stuff down and got out the nice, clean, shiny workbooks for this year and displayed them ever so carefully. I packed away last year's lesson plans and replaced them in my binder with the fresh, crisp paper of this year's lesson plans. I planned out five weeks worth of studies, complete with a devotional story for each morning and Feast Days of the Saints added in for our "Summer" school days. I am calm and ready to go.

Hopefully, my body and mind cooperate in the next few weeks so that we can get things done. I can't be falling off the wagon and into "I'm too pregnant to do anything but lay here and complain" world if I want to be able to have him focus (just a little Lord, is all I ask) and do some work. He'll gladly be lazy with me and allow school to fall to the side, all the while telling me, "It's OK Mom, I know you're tired. Go back to sleep. I'll watch the baby (2 year old) and give her some cereal." He's a good kid, and a good big brother.

Good intentions and prayers will fill the next few weeks at our house, giving way to a (hopefully) wonderful beginning of 3rd Grade for my Wobbers.

~H

I'm Up

Really. Awake and everything. I have to post just so I can get my time stamp to prove that I am really awake.

I put my foot down last night. Everybody in bed at Midnight. I know that sounds late - but for us it's early. I cut video games off an hour before this. It was exceptionally easier being that my husband was at work, but hopefully we can keep this up even when he's home. We;ll see how Sunday night goes, since today should be easy again (he'll be at work again tonight).

I am just so happy to have us all sleeping when regular people sleep, or closer to it. We cannot live as nocturnal creatures.

Truth be told, I would like to still be in bed with my two blonde babes. The two year old needs to sleep at least till 10 and my hubby didn't make it home until around 6am today from work. I would be there with them, but I got so sick of not being able to feel my hands that I had to get up and restore blood flow to them. I really need to get some wrist braces so I stop twisting them up and under my chin while I sleep.

At least it's a start. Getting up before it reaches 80-90 degrees outside is a bonus - as is falling asleep while there is still a good six hours of dark left on the earth.

Have a great day! I know we will.

~H

Can you say "Nesting"?

I had a very productive day yesterday. It started late, around noon, as all my days have been lately due to the still unseen creature we'll refer to as sleep. But even with the late start, much was accomplished without my really planning ahead for it.

The "plan" was to go grocery shopping. This is quite a bit of work for me, as it entails 2 grocery stores, both in the "big city" about 1/2 away. With the summer heat it also requires *gasp* leaving my car running while at the second store so as to not have any of my food spoil. All of you environmentally conscientious people out there - please pretend you didn't read that last sentence. Yes, I really do let me car run even with the gas prices so high and the ozone layer falling apart. It's either that or curdled milk and squishy fruit.

Well, that didn't actually happen. Out of no where, I cleaned my kitchen in the morning (ok, I know 12pm is not morning, but it is to me). I know, I know, some of you really do this on an everyday basis - but in my current enlarged state, I haven't been doing much of anything. After that, I woke up my husband and other kid (2 year old was already up with me at 12), thinking, "Grocery store here we come!"

Maybe later. Somehow I started in on organizing and cleaning out my 2 year old's room. Due to her not using it for anything in particular, it has become a place of sky high storage - to the point where the stuff piled on top of the changing table is at eye level. My eye - 5'4'' above the ground. Yikes. My argument with myself for doing this before shopping (other than the fact that I have been meaning to go in there and clean for about 6 months) was that the St. Vincent de Paul store was only a block away from the 1st grocery store and we could drop off anything that needed to go before we shopped. Because, if you've ever been to my house, after you clean out things and decide to get rid of stuff (yes, stuff, and get rid of it - in the same sentence) it generally sits around collecting dust by the front door for a month before sitting in the back of the van for another month and then getting dropped off at said goodwill type place.

We were in there for about 2 hours. A record actually, and I really got rid of stuff. Yep. Let it go. I am so proud of myself. However, it was approaching 5 or maybe 5:30 by the time we were done. And still no groceries. And no food in the house. My Darling became my savior when he went out and came back with McDonald's at 6. Normally, I would throw-up at the thought of McDonald's (as in when I am not pregnant and famished because I am totally nesting). But that was not the case. I devoured it. Yummy.

What about the grocery store, you ask? Well, I have ordered all this Tupperware in the last month or so. It has been sitting and multiplying near my printer for at least a month, all the while me promising my husband that I will clean out the cupboards and throw away/give away all the food storage I have that is crappy and missing lids, etc. So instead of shopping for food, I cleaned out the cupboards. It felt good. I put away the Tupperware. That felt even better. I looked at the clock. It's past 7. Oi!

My dear, dear husband took a shower, and so did my son (not together for Pete's sake). Then, when I thought I would surely start feeling as I normally do and collapse, I decided to get dressed and go shopping. For groceries. At 8pm. I don't know where the energy was from but I wasn't going to waste it. Both stores. No need to leave the car running as it was nighttime, cooler, and darker than during the day. Got home at 11 and, hold your breath here or you won't believe me, ACTUALLY put away the groceries. Yup, the same day I bought 'em. Really. Then I cut up and cleaned all the fruit and vegetables. I'm really not pulling your leg here. Then....yes there's more....I cooked the meat, put it in containers, and put them in the freezer. Holy cow!

Then I made dinner. At 1am. That was the end of the energy. I left the dishes from dinner on the stove until this morning when I promptly cleaned them and everything else in the kitchen.

I am a nesting monster right now - and I have 7 more weeks to go.

What will I think of next?

~H

Hunting

I am still on the hunt for the elusive state of sleep. As tired as I am, actually falling and staying asleep has become somewhat of an enigma around these parts. I've heard tales of it happening in my childrens' rooms. Sometimes it even appears in my own, just not when I am there.

I fail to believe that I am stuck awake simply because I am excited about the impending appearance of my new little blessing. Frankly, I just can't relax. I have to much to do, and no time to do it in. Not to mention that my poor body is reacting rather harshly to any sort of changes in environment, whether it be temperature, fabric touching the skin, bathing, lying down vs. standing up, etc.

Not that I am getting anything done during these hours when I can't sleep. I am tired. I don't actually have the energy to get up and do anything. I just lay there and think about what I could be doing, all the while tossing and turning, scratching my stretchy, itchy skin, and (as my husband has informed me) kicking my way to who knows where. He actually woke me up one night when I had found sleep (AHA!) to ask me where I was going. Apparently I have restless legs at night - at least during this particular season of life.

Alas, good will prevail. I will eventually be able to fall asleep. I have a few suggestions for some gentle, natural remedies from my midwife - valerian, melatonin, Calms, Calms Forte, and Myo Calm, as well as an increase in magnesium (the kicking thing). Hopefully, once I get some of those, and work out some stress related kinks this month, everything will run smoothly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, we ended up at Great Wolf Lodge last week. At night. Really, really late at night. I am still hanging on to a little bit of annoyance at the timing of that particular outing. Except, I don't know exactly who I am annoyed at.

One would assume I am annoyed at my husband, whose request I yielded to and obediently packed up the family and house so we could leave. At 11:30pm. Did I mention it was late and a bit of a drive to actually get there?

Or maybe I am annoyed at the money we frivolously wasted (ok, not a total waster, per se, but all you mamas out there know what I mean).

Or maybe I am annoyed at the teenagers, who sat "water park" side and complained about how bored and tired they were. (When did the water become boring to them? I couldn't help but thinking - )

But I think I am really annoyed at myself. I am annoyed that I allowed my codependent tendencies to cloud my better judgement about embarking on this "trip" at all and not speaking up for what I really thought would have been a better "plan", if a plan at all.

1) It was WAY TOO late to be going anywhere. Factor in that I had last eaten at about 3pm (yes, I know, I should know better, being a midwifery student and all that not eating for that long when pregnant is BAD, BAD, BAD) and that I was very tired and cranky - as were my children - and you can confirm way too late.

2) I had a thought that the teenagers would not really have all that great a time. Not to mention that technically, the next day was their mother's day (talking biological, real mom here - yes, I am "technically" a step-mom to a few of the kids, we share them equally with their mom) and how were we going to talk her into unexpectedly letting us keep them for a few extra days. Once asked, the eldest confided that she actually had a commitment to babysit for a family the following evening and would have to be driven back from said "family vacation" even if her mother said we could take her. Okay.....

3) Where exactly does the money for this last minute, spur of the moment idea come from? It's not like we can get a super-small economy room: there are six of us. It's not like the resort is going to give us a discount for checking-in in the middle of the night (although I did call and ask first). We still have to pay full price as though we had been there all day and used the facilities.

I did make a suggestion that we simply wait until the teenagers got picked up the next day and take our (much smaller) family up after that. No, that would not work, pried my husband. "I want us all to go together." Excellent. so he called the ex, got permission to keep them, made plans to drive back the eldest early, and started getting ready to go.

4) Remember the dog? Who is going to take care of the dog? You know, the one with the recent injury? The one that needs constant supervision and daily medications and wound care? My hubby decided to just ignore that piece of the puzzle, regardless of how many times I brought it up.

Right about now, you are all thinking My Best Friend, aforementioned hubby, is a thoughtless, selfish, uncaring pig. He's not. Really. He just has moments like any other unfortunate creature with a Y-chromosome where his brain does not function in normal capacity. Just like I have moments, like any other XX-chromosome creature, where I need to vent in a safe place where all is understood that I do not hate nor want to get rid of my husband - I just need to complain. If you don't like the complaining, or seriously think I need to get divorced, please stop reading. I don't need anything but an outlet to let out some steam.

So we went up, tried to sleep, and got up the next day to swim. My little, tiny one thought the water was kind of weird at first, but eventually realized it was OK. My 8-year-old fish was off and running, finding other like-minded fish to explore the ocean with all day. The teenagers were teenager-y. We snacked, we swam, we walked. It was a regular kind of water-park-y day. (Dontcha like those really one-of-a-kind adjectives I'm using?)

Then it was time to take back the eldest. Guess what? Second eldest wanted to go back too rather than stay with us for the next few days having family fun. Oh well. At least there wouldn't be any more complaining.

I found myself really irritated at the whole thing. Why did it have to go that way? Why don't I even feel like I really have a point to get across in this post? I guess I don't. The "trip" ended up kind of OK. We spent the next 2 days with the baby and 8-year-old. We actually came home one night earlier so I could get some sleep and drove back the following morning to do some more activities in the tourist area the resort was in. By the way, I couldn't sleep because the bedding in the hotel was a cotton/polyester blend and was making me sooooooo itchy. I need natural fibers on my skin at night. I made a point to put that comment in the online survey they sent me the next day. The time spent with my little kids was nice (the teenagers can be nice to, this just wasn't the time). My husband was actually pretty endearing the last day when we drove back up. He was all happy and cute and handsome and cute, and did I mention handsome.

So I guess all's well that ends well. As for next time, which there will not be, I will be assertively speaking up for what I think is the right thing to do, even if it means I can't make everyone happy, including said really handsome guy. I have got to stop trying to make everyone happy and be everything for everybody and make some better decisions.

Sorry about there being no grand moral lesson, or some other wonderfully clever ending. I just don't have it in me today. My brain is still fried from the weird vacation and the weekend following being full of school (for me, which was awesome!!) and trying to sleep the last few nights with thoughts of my house, the bills, the BIG test next month at school, the poor doggie and his foot, studying, new stuff learned at school last weekend, making My Handsome Best Friend understand that a last minute vacation is not cool to Mamas, etc. etc. etc.

Here's to another today. Again.

~H

Crazy!!

I need to vent.

My husband is crazy. He wants to go to Great Wolf Lodge with the kids. Now. As in right Now. As in, I just packed us up. The waterpark is closed for the night. We have to pay for the entire room fee anyway.

Crazy. Crazy. I don't know what else to say.

Oh did I mention, I am losing my mind. Lost. Completely.

~H