Monday, August 30, 2010

Where Have I Been?

Busy week around here with a cranky mama, that's where.

My brother came to stay with us on Friday. Yep. I am really happy to have him "home". Although, that won't stop me from ranting about why he is here. As much as I believe it is better that he is here than with my mom, I still can't get over her behavior.

My mom travels. A lot. She had a vacation planned to Las Vegas for a two week stay to include the UNLV football game vs. UW Badgers. She was supposed to leave the day after my brother's jaw surgery.

A normal mother would have just canceled the trip. Especially when it is to a place where you have been (not exaggerating here) 50 times already in your life. And, even more especially when money is really not a problem and being out a couple hundred bucks on airfare is really no big deal.

But, we do not have a normal mother. She "had to pay $140!!" to reschedule her trip to begin on Saturday instead of Wednesday (yes, she complained about the $140, or at least her husband did) AND THEN......went on to say all week before she left "Oh, I am SOOOOO glad JT is coming to stay with you. I need a break. This is so hard for me. It's not fair. I just can't deal with this."....blah, blah, blah.....

You know, I am not exactly sure how I managed to become a loving mother to my children with the kind of mom that raised me. *sigh*

(She called once she landed in LV on Saturday and *complained* about the long plane trip and then went on to tell me how wonderful her margarita and cigarette were and how awesome it would be to "finally relax". Makes me want to puke.)

My brother seems really happy here with my children. He is constantly scooping up one of the little kids and cuddling with them. He smiles. He is even talking a little bit - well, what he can do with his jaw wired shut. The pain seems to get a little better everyday.

I got my brother to come to Mass. This is a big deal, I think. He made it through the homily before he asked me for the car keys to go wait outside. Baby steps.

My great expectations regarding my brother's future behavior are wearing thin. As happy as I am to have him here, and as happy as I am to see him getting better.....he is slowing trying to go back to his own ways. I am trying to stay optimistic, but it is what it is. He is smoking again. Not as much as he would if he were not recovering from major surgery, but still.

AND, what makes me really sad (but was I maybe a little naive thinking this wouldn't happen at some point?? I really hoped it wouldn't).......he managed to have a few shots of Jager (a seriously gross liquor, if you ask me) yesterday too.

I know, you are wondering how he managed to get alcohol if he is staying with me and has to drink everything from a syringe? When we were in the Big City (where he lives) for Mass, he wanted to stop by his place to pick up something he forgot. No big deal. He was inside for about 15 minutes. I felt very guilty wondering what he was "doing" during those 15 minutes. I admitted to my husband that I was worried he was "smoking something" - and not cigarettes. Once I said this out loud, I immediately felt bad for doubting his ability to stay clean while he recovered. Well, turns out he wasn't smoking anything. When he got back in the car, he freely told us that he had a few shots (and almost choked on the first one). He thought this was OK since he hasn't had a drink in over a week.

*SIGH* I don't know what I am supposed to do, if anything, in this kind of situation. But, it is what it is. I can pray (I am). And I did tell him that he is an adult and can make his own decisions - but I think in his current condition drinking (and smoking) is not a very good idea.

Of course, now that we are back at my place, there is no alcohol. So he is stuck for at least another week until my mom gets home. :)

I have become a super crabby annoying person to live with. I am sorry that my brother has to be here to witness this. ;) My husband is really sick of my attitude (I am certain). My kids are trying hard to deal. I just gotta make it a few more weeks. I am super sick of being poked in places that one shouldn't feel poking. I can't sleep. My legs hurt, my hips hurt. I can't poop. I am bitchy. Sorry guys. On a "happy" note, my husband says that I get really, really bad the few days before I go into labor. And then I have the baby and I am happy, happy, happy (and he will insert here that I go on to ignore him for 6 months....sorry babe).

I love Ravelry. Don't we all? I needed a size 4 circ needle and don't have the money AND couldn't find one online (in the length I need) (probably a good thing since I don't have the money). So, I put a post up in the "USED EQUIPMENT" forum offering to trade a size 0 47" circ that I have for a size 4 24" circ......and someone has one they want to trade!! Yes!! I am mailing her the size 0 today. And I am getting a great Addi Needle in return. LOVE RAVELRY.

New Project? I am trying to just work on the two sweaters. I have 2 sleeves completed on each sweater and I started the body on my husband's sweater. But seriously, I really need to start something for myself, or at least something fun and with color (because both of the sweaters are dark and green). I am trying to stay within my queue so I either need to cast on the FLS, some socks (for me) or my HP bag. Any suggestions?? (Disclaimer here: I feel like this is not a bad thing, since I only have the other two projects on my needles. 3 is not so bad. Unfortunately for me, my husband refuses to help me wind yarn for another project until his sweater is done. I will have to recruit one of the kids.)

Knitted Gift. My dear, dear knitting buddy and friend knit the cutest top ever for my new babe!! I am so happy. It is out of Malabrigo Silky in a colorway that I have coveted forever. I will post a pic soon.


Katherine said...

I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say I sympathize. My mom is not as difficult as yours I don't think, but mine is a self-centered alcoholic. One of my brothers is living with his girlfriend, the other is an undeclared homosexual, and both have lapsed from the Church. I don't think you can force anyone to change. They need to want to change. I think being Christ for them and praying for them is the best we can do.

That said, I hope you give birth soon and are feeling better! God Bless!

Michelle said...

Keep the faith! and remember your priority is your husband and your kids! You can only do so much for your brother he is a grown man and you can only set an example for him not make him live the life that is right. God Bless!

MamaMidwife said...

Katherine: Thanks. I've been praying a lot.

Michelle: I read your comment a few days ago, and I am just getting on to comment back.

Thank you so much for the reminder of what my priorities really are!! I really, really needed to hear that!! Sometimes it's easy to forget that my "little" brother is 28 and makes his own choices, whether or not they are good choices.

Things are looking up.