Dear Advent,

I am so sorry. I tried. Really, I did. I tried so hard to get into you and the Joyful Anticipation of Our Lord this year.

I know I did a much better job last year. I put up the Jesse Tree to celebrate Christ's lineage from the beginning of time and actually read the readings with the children. I decorated my house. I dressed my children appropriately in liturgical colors for each Sunday Mass.

I scourged the internet and YouTube for messages to share with my bloggy readers about the wonderful coming of Our Savior. I sung "O Come Emmanuel" so much that my husband asked me to stop. I pondered the Mystery that He is, both in the silent places of my heart and in this public venue with my peers.

Advent, you have been a wonderful companion to me in years past. I have no reason to abandon you. And yet, I have.

It doesn't help that we were *asked not to come to Mass* (twice). Or that I had to learn the hard way that being a Catholic homeschooler does not automatically make someone a decent person.

Not having regular internet access makes those wonderful renditions of Advent music so needed here on this blog a thing of the past.

Having to ask *my mother* for money to bail us out of a financial pinch is the icing on the cake this year. (Not to mention that she also made Christmas real for our kids this year - Thanks Ma!).

Nary is there a Christmas Tree shining it's lights in my home. Those candy canes purchased for decoration and Reindeer-making crafts are still lumped up in a plastic Walmart bag awaiting their shining moment.

No Advent, I have not been joyful or welcoming to you this year. Perhaps if I had embraced your spirit I would rightfully feel more "Christmassy" about now.

Today is Christmas Eve. There is one day left for me to redeem myself with you. I fear you will have to simply be patient and wait for me again next year.

I bid you farewell. Until we meet again...I'll enjoy our last hours together as I find a place to sit at Midnight Mass.

~H.A.M.