Thursday, December 24, 2009

Dear Advent,

I am so sorry. I tried. Really, I did. I tried so hard to get into you and the Joyful Anticipation of Our Lord this year.

I know I did a much better job last year. I put up the Jesse Tree to celebrate Christ's lineage from the beginning of time and actually read the readings with the children. I decorated my house. I dressed my children appropriately in liturgical colors for each Sunday Mass.

I scourged the internet and YouTube for messages to share with my bloggy readers about the wonderful coming of Our Savior. I sung "O Come Emmanuel" so much that my husband asked me to stop. I pondered the Mystery that He is, both in the silent places of my heart and in this public venue with my peers.

Advent, you have been a wonderful companion to me in years past. I have no reason to abandon you. And yet, I have.

It doesn't help that we were *asked not to come to Mass* (twice). Or that I had to learn the hard way that being a Catholic homeschooler does not automatically make someone a decent person.

Not having regular internet access makes those wonderful renditions of Advent music so needed here on this blog a thing of the past.

Having to ask *my mother* for money to bail us out of a financial pinch is the icing on the cake this year. (Not to mention that she also made Christmas real for our kids this year - Thanks Ma!).

Nary is there a Christmas Tree shining it's lights in my home. Those candy canes purchased for decoration and Reindeer-making crafts are still lumped up in a plastic Walmart bag awaiting their shining moment.

No Advent, I have not been joyful or welcoming to you this year. Perhaps if I had embraced your spirit I would rightfully feel more "Christmassy" about now.

Today is Christmas Eve. There is one day left for me to redeem myself with you. I fear you will have to simply be patient and wait for me again next year.

I bid you farewell. Until we meet again...I'll enjoy our last hours together as I find a place to sit at Midnight Mass.

~H.A.M.

2 comments:

runningatlarge said...

Sorry it's been a hard season. I hope your Christmas was better. Why on earth would anyone ask you not to come to Mass?

MamaMidwife said...

Hey, RAL! Thanks for stopping by.

I was over at your place this weekend and I really like your blog!

I left a comment there and tried to explain the "being asked not come to Mass" thing. It's complicated, but not really.

If you don't get it, maybe I'll post on it some more soon.

Thanks again! And congrats on your new baby girl! You're a living saint with 4 under 6.