Queue, Interrupted

Remember that grand plan I had to work on specific projects until they were done (namely this one and this one)? Um, yeah......well....uh....I'm not really sure what happened.

Ok, I do know. Knitting sweaters for men/boys is kind of boring. I have been working on the hubby's sweater and Wob's sweater for, it seems like, ever. I needed something pretty and fun to work on. I started the LOTR Socks. That was fun, for a while. I finished the first sock and have no motivation yet to cast on the second (I think b/c the first one is a little big, whatever).

So when my Little Flower said, "I want purple mittens and a purple sweater," I was overcome with joy!! Toddler mittens, a one day project.

They started out like this:

Then I added these when I could not sleep through the night:

And this is her cute little response:

She LOVES them!! And I love them. You can read details about them here. I made 3, modifying after the first one. I didn't use a pattern, just cast on 32 stitches and went from there. I wanted them to fit but still be loose enough that she could get them on without help. (If anyone is seriously interested in the pattern, which really did come out very, very well, I could type it up and post it. Just leave me a comment.)

So, then what? Go back to the boy sweaters? in the boring "hunter greenie" colors? Nope. I cast on yet another project that is not in my queue: a sweater for my Little Flower. This will not be a one day knit, but I like it. I am actually using the same Patons Wool yarn that I used for the mittens. Not my first choice for sweaters, but the more I use the Patons in my stash, the more I think it's an OK yarn. If I really love the sweater, maybe she'll get a second one in Malabrigo (I have 4 or 5 skeins in a pretty, girly pink).

And I'm still knitting a baby. Due next week. Love for her to come now. The last two were here by now. :)

What are you knitting?

Worst Church Banner Ever

Do I even need to say anymore?? (As if church banners aren't tacky enough in and of themselves.)

H/T to The Crescat

Yes, Still Pregnant

I just thought I'd mention quickly that I am still pregnant.

After 3 days of intense cleaning at my house, organizing diapers, re-organizing diapers, finding teeny-tiny baby clothes in bins scattered around the house, ordering around my family to help me, complaining about the house not being clean enough, lanolizing about 12 wool pants/soakers, and fretting over some "things" I still need (a diaper pail for dirty diapers, chux pads, something to organize kid toys in) I am still not in labor.

I really thought all that cleaning would work.

So, instead of being sassy-pants mad about it, I have taken my energy and done something productive - we started school this week. I even kind of got us on a "schedule". I made a big move and decided no more sleeping in till 11 or 12. We have been up at 10 everyday (which I know probably sounds really late to most of you, but that is very early for me and the kids when I am this pregnant.....when not pregnant usually we're up by 7 or 8) for the last 3 days.

Tomorrow (um, I guess that's TODAY), we will be up at 9 to make it to the park to meet some local homeschool families at 10. I am really excited about this. We have lived here for over a year and I still don't really know anyone who lives near us except the midwives I work with. To see any other children or any adults I know we have been driving at least 45 min to 1 hour to the "big city" to visit. It will be really wonderful to get to know some families around here, in the boonies.

Along with getting up at the same time everyday, Lovey has had a nap everyday and I have cooked lunch. I know, weird right? Just trying to make everyone feel a little normal for once. I have been a major slacker with this pregnancy. I need to get it together. Of course, my husband thinks I'm nuts. He knows I will just be laying in bed and nursing when the babe gets here so he really doesn't get why I am going so crazy to have everything be "normal" now when it will change in the next 10 days sometime. I don't know why I am doing it either, but it is making me feel better at least mentally.

I promise to post once the wee one arrives. For now, I am just patiently waiting.

New Blogs and Socks

I have finally added some much deserved links to the sidebar.

Let me introduce you to:

Juggling Eric, a Man Blog

N*ked on the Roof, a BatShitCrazy Blog

and

Abigail's Alcove, a Keeping Me Sane Blog

I have been reading the first two for a couple of months/weeks. I just found Abigail's blog yesterday.

Juggling Eric is a dad to 5 great kids and husband to a very patient wife. His insights into parenthood are spot-on and entertaining (especially if you have kids, I can totally relate to this guy). Good writing.

N*ked On the Roof has me completely cracking up and almost peeing my pants every time I tune in. This guy is very funny and does it in a smart way. None of the "this is funny just because it's gross or I say gross things or I act stupid" kind of funny that is running rampant in the world today. Nope. He's got humour covered in a good way, a way the brings the punch line on at just the right moment.

Abigail is a Catholic mom of 4 living in the DC area blogging about her vocation, poverty, faith, and prayer. This is a real gem of a find. I have been reading through her archives the past two evenings and I can't get enough.

Enjoy these blogs! Stop by and leave them a comment if you can. Abigail could use some prayers right now. She just gave birth to baby 4 and she is in the NICU recovering from abdominal surgery.

~~~~~~

An update on the socks: I did rip them and reknit. I added 6 stitches and went up a needle size. They fit! I am on the gusset of the first sock. Pics when it's done.

Admit Defeat?

Sometimes knitting has built in stumbling blocks. Or maybe "humbling" blocks is a better phrase?

I have been working like crazy on my LOTR Socks (Rivendell Socks).

I read a lot of other raveler's comments on their projects before I started. One that I can't get out of my head is the lady who only knit one sock and then sold it to her LYS because she felt like it was "inside out" the entire time she was knitting it. I must admit, I have never purled this much on a project before.

Another comment (which I saw many, many times) was that the socks came out a little small. With all that purling and those twisted knit stitches, the calves seemed to be coming out a bit tight for most knitters.

"Well," I thought. "I am a loose knitter. This really shouldn't be a problem for me."

Yeah. Uh-huh.


When I was knitting the cuff, which is only on 63 stitches btw (and I decided to use size 0 needles, because I knit "loose" and the yarn is pretty thin), I thought, "Hmmm. That does look a bit small. But look.....when I stretch it out, it's pretty big. Yeah....knitting stretches. Duh." And, I just kept on knitting.

I am enamored by this pattern and this yarn. I have coveted the pattern for a long time and finally bought it once I found the perfect yarn, not too varigated, not too plain, light beautiful colors that smoothly run together and won't over power the pattern. (This one is called Beach Fog, and is a bluish color with a faint teal and little bits of light purple and orange woven through.)

I just kept knitting, even as my mind said, "Ya know, it looks a little small." "Shut up!" I told myself. "That's just silly. You're almost done with the first chart. Keep going."

At the end of the first chart, I tried it on. I could get it over my heel. And it was pretty. And it didn't feel that tight on my calve. Keep knitting.


I knit the second chart. Cabling, twisted stitches. I love it. It's soooo wonderful, even though historically I will do almost anything to avoid purling.

"It's going to be too tight," that little voice in the back of my head said.

"SHUT UP!"

Knit. Knit. Knit.

I love this pattern. I love this yarn.

I just finished the second chart and set up the heel. I have knit about an inch of the heel flap. The heel flap construction has pros and cons. Pro - It is back & forth knitting without slipped stitches so it gains height faster than most other heels I have knit. Con - It is ktbl (knit through the back loop), p2 ribbing.....and on wrong side rows it's k2, ptbl ribbing. That is a PITA.

I decided to try it on again. Notice the photos in this post are of the sock on my arm. Why is that, you ask?

Well. My calves just aren't as dainty as they used to be. I can get the sock on and over my heel (without too much trouble even). However, up by those wrapped stitches at the top of the cuff, it's a little tight. Really, it looks silly. Like I have fat legs sticking out the top of the sock.

"That doesn't look too bad," the knitting part of my brain said.

"Shut up! It looks weird!" the little voice in the back of my head said. You know the voice, the honest one?


My dilemma - do I just keep knitting it?

I could keep knitting this to specs (the pattern) and then make a second sock with adjustments, AND THEN rip the first sock and fix it??? (Can you tell I am really liking knitting this pattern?)

Or I could rip it now, and try to figure out how to "fix" it right away(the pattern is 3 repeats of a 21 stitch chart, so I cannot just add another repeat, it would be huge, I'll actually have to think about where to add some stitches, I've got some ideas)???

Do I just make the socks to pattern and wear them a little tight, probably pushed down around my ankles so no one can see how tight they are over my calves??

Do I Admit Defeat?

Blogging in Bed

That's right. I am still (at 11:30am) laying in bed. It's a beautiful day outside. I am waiting for my little ones to wake up so we can tackle the day. I am even thinking about *gasp* going to the park. (Yes, actually leaving the house.)

I cast on Rivendell last night. I knit the entire 1st chart on the cuff (35 rounds) and started the second. It looks a little small, but I can get it over my heel.

I love the yarn. Winding it turned into a big deal, again. And it shouldn't have. This was a perfectly good skein for winding - no twists, no tangles, just beautiful.

My husband refused to help so I made Wobbers do it. At the very end, he got excited and started winding too fast and pulled the last 15 yards or so right off my arms. Ahhh!! So, I ended up with a big tangled mess. I worked on the tangle for TWO HOURS. Yes, two hours. Finally, I decided I probably would have "extra yarn" when the socks were done and I cut the yarn. I untangled my 15 yards and wound an itty-bitty ball by hand. Whew.

The yarn is DIC Smooshy - a free skein I got on one of my EatSleepKnit Lotto cards. It's a superwash wool. Does anyone else notice a difference in the hand of superwash vs regular wool?? I swear I can tell there is some kind of "processing" just by the feel (I mean, I know there is b/9 its superwash.....I am just wondering if I am the only one that can *feel* it when handling the yarn). It's a little weird. But I definitely LOVE the colors!

Oh - seems one of the babes is stirring. Time to get the day going. :)

Things are Looking UP

I seem to have found a whole new set of happiness today. I am not sure where it came from, but there it is.

Yeah, I am still really uncomfortable (physically) but that can only mean that this baby is making her way out soon. :) I have a new found energy to bleach my bathtub (don't worry, hubby did it so I wasn't inhaling fumes), buy washcloths and a new shower curtain, and get all my diapers out, washed, and folded. I also need to lanolize the wool soakers and longies I knit.

(I realize I just typed "buy washcloths". I know...I could knit some, right? I don't have super-soft cotton appropriate for that. And after we use the new washcloths on the baby we can wash them and everyone can use them. I either buy a few new towels or washcloths for each new babe.)

I am also really super, duper anxious to cast on something new!! I really want to start my Rivendell Socks - like RIGHT NOW. But no one will help me wind the yarn. I just need to get this beautiful skein of DIC Smooshy (Beach Fog - love it!) wound up and a-sock-knitting I will be.

You know you love the Beach Fog!

And this is the sock.....sorry for the tiny thumbnail.

Oh, and I found this really beautiful yarn over at Susan B Anderson's blog that is discontinued.....and then found 2 skeins on Ravelry. No, I will not tell you what it is because I WANT IT FOR ME. Although, I am not really in a good place to buy more yarn right now. But it's sooooo pretty.

I keep checking the mail for my needles to arrive. I swapped another raveler for the size I needed. Hers are already there.....mine, not so much.

AND, in the mail I am looking for my first shipment for the Harry Potter Yarn Club from Sunshine Yarns. This is the first time I have ever done a "yarn club". I did some research before hand and checked out all the yarns from the last 7 rounds of the club. I liked every single one of the colorways, so I put my faith in that and signed up (months ago). I thought it would be nice to have some yarn arrive at my house while I was sitting at home nursing my baby.

Oh.....other knitting stuff.....

I got two books from the library that had patterns in them I ran into either on blogs or Ravelry.

The first one is Vintage Baby Knits. (Little tiny thumbnail picture there, sorry.)

While I did think a lot of the patterns in it were cute, I wasn't super impressed with any of them. Mostly, I think, it's because I do not like knitting pieces of garments and then sewing them up. Every single pattern in there was knit in pieces, so that just turned me off. I *did* really like the "Duckie Onesie" and I am sure I could convert it and knit it in the round....but that would be a small pain in the @$$, so no. Cute stuff, but nothing that I've never seen before. So, I took it back the next day.

I also picked up Closely Knit. I actually would maybe knit a few of the patterns out of this book. It is full of gift ideas. The garments in it are knit in pieces, but that could be fixed. Again, not any garments that I've never seen before. I do like a few of the baby pieces, especially the charts for the duckies and the kangaroo. I like some of the blankets in the book, which is weird b/c I haven't ever actually knit a blanket and the task seems daunting. There is also a really cute pair of knee socks, a hat and scarf set that are pretty original looking (to me), and even a cardigan I think is cute. I'll be keeping this one for a few days and reading more closely through the patterns to see what I think of their construction.

Hmmmm.....what else??

My brother is still with us, until the 7th. Things are going good with him too. He got his c-spine cleared, so no more collar. He's pretty happy about that. They cut some of the bands out of his mouth so he can move his jaw a teeny tiny bit. It's enough to get a straw between his teeth so we have been experimenting with different pureed foods (he hasn't had "food" in about 2 weeks). So far, creamy Campbell's soups are the best, closely followed by pureed scrambled eggs with cheese.

Thanks for the comments of encouragement and prioritizing regarding this little stepping stone in my life. I finally just let go and let God (which I did a long time ago with him......the whole "almost dying - accident" thing just had me backstep a little bit). My brother is probably going to continue drinking (in fact, he had a beer when we stopped at his place after all the dr's appts the other day) and there isn't anything I can do about it (which I know, have always known, just let my hopes get up with the accident thing). But, I can help right now by being here for him. He knows he can always reach out to me in the future if he wants some help finding "help" to get clean.

Where Have I Been?

Busy week around here with a cranky mama, that's where.

My brother came to stay with us on Friday. Yep. I am really happy to have him "home". Although, that won't stop me from ranting about why he is here. As much as I believe it is better that he is here than with my mom, I still can't get over her behavior.

My mom travels. A lot. She had a vacation planned to Las Vegas for a two week stay to include the UNLV football game vs. UW Badgers. She was supposed to leave the day after my brother's jaw surgery.

A normal mother would have just canceled the trip. Especially when it is to a place where you have been (not exaggerating here) 50 times already in your life. And, even more especially when money is really not a problem and being out a couple hundred bucks on airfare is really no big deal.

But, we do not have a normal mother. She "had to pay $140!!" to reschedule her trip to begin on Saturday instead of Wednesday (yes, she complained about the $140, or at least her husband did) AND THEN......went on to say all week before she left "Oh, I am SOOOOO glad JT is coming to stay with you. I need a break. This is so hard for me. It's not fair. I just can't deal with this."....blah, blah, blah.....

You know, I am not exactly sure how I managed to become a loving mother to my children with the kind of mom that raised me. *sigh*

(She called once she landed in LV on Saturday and *complained* about the long plane trip and then went on to tell me how wonderful her margarita and cigarette were and how awesome it would be to "finally relax". Makes me want to puke.)

My brother seems really happy here with my children. He is constantly scooping up one of the little kids and cuddling with them. He smiles. He is even talking a little bit - well, what he can do with his jaw wired shut. The pain seems to get a little better everyday.

I got my brother to come to Mass. This is a big deal, I think. He made it through the homily before he asked me for the car keys to go wait outside. Baby steps.

My great expectations regarding my brother's future behavior are wearing thin. As happy as I am to have him here, and as happy as I am to see him getting better.....he is slowing trying to go back to his own ways. I am trying to stay optimistic, but it is what it is. He is smoking again. Not as much as he would if he were not recovering from major surgery, but still.

AND, what makes me really sad (but was I maybe a little naive thinking this wouldn't happen at some point?? I really hoped it wouldn't).......he managed to have a few shots of Jager (a seriously gross liquor, if you ask me) yesterday too.

I know, you are wondering how he managed to get alcohol if he is staying with me and has to drink everything from a syringe? When we were in the Big City (where he lives) for Mass, he wanted to stop by his place to pick up something he forgot. No big deal. He was inside for about 15 minutes. I felt very guilty wondering what he was "doing" during those 15 minutes. I admitted to my husband that I was worried he was "smoking something" - and not cigarettes. Once I said this out loud, I immediately felt bad for doubting his ability to stay clean while he recovered. Well, turns out he wasn't smoking anything. When he got back in the car, he freely told us that he had a few shots (and almost choked on the first one). He thought this was OK since he hasn't had a drink in over a week.

*SIGH* I don't know what I am supposed to do, if anything, in this kind of situation. But, it is what it is. I can pray (I am). And I did tell him that he is an adult and can make his own decisions - but I think in his current condition drinking (and smoking) is not a very good idea.

Of course, now that we are back at my place, there is no alcohol. So he is stuck for at least another week until my mom gets home. :)

I have become a super crabby annoying person to live with. I am sorry that my brother has to be here to witness this. ;) My husband is really sick of my attitude (I am certain). My kids are trying hard to deal. I just gotta make it a few more weeks. I am super sick of being poked in places that one shouldn't feel poking. I can't sleep. My legs hurt, my hips hurt. I can't poop. I am bitchy. Sorry guys. On a "happy" note, my husband says that I get really, really bad the few days before I go into labor. And then I have the baby and I am happy, happy, happy (and he will insert here that I go on to ignore him for 6 months....sorry babe).

I love Ravelry. Don't we all? I needed a size 4 circ needle and don't have the money AND couldn't find one online (in the length I need) (probably a good thing since I don't have the money). So, I put a post up in the "USED EQUIPMENT" forum offering to trade a size 0 47" circ that I have for a size 4 24" circ......and someone has one they want to trade!! Yes!! I am mailing her the size 0 today. And I am getting a great Addi Needle in return. LOVE RAVELRY.

New Project? I am trying to just work on the two sweaters. I have 2 sleeves completed on each sweater and I started the body on my husband's sweater. But seriously, I really need to start something for myself, or at least something fun and with color (because both of the sweaters are dark and green). I am trying to stay within my queue so I either need to cast on the FLS, some socks (for me) or my HP bag. Any suggestions?? (Disclaimer here: I feel like this is not a bad thing, since I only have the other two projects on my needles. 3 is not so bad. Unfortunately for me, my husband refuses to help me wind yarn for another project until his sweater is done. I will have to recruit one of the kids.)

Knitted Gift. My dear, dear knitting buddy and friend knit the cutest top ever for my new babe!! I am so happy. It is out of Malabrigo Silky in a colorway that I have coveted forever. I will post a pic soon.

Shawl FO Pics

Thanks to my 2 and 3 year old models!!

Untitled Rant

This post is intended for me to vent. If you are uninterested in a rant, come back later and I am sure there will be some happy knitting related post or something (actually I can guarantee it b/c I need to put up pictures of the finished shawl).

My brother is "home". That is to say, he is staying at my mom's house. His jaw surgery is scheduled for Tuesday. He is going to stay with her until then and then come to my house after surgery to recover.

I stopped by yesterday to see him. He is looking better. The swelling in his face is going down and he is able to get some good fluids in him. His teeth are his main source of pain right now and even talking (especially those sounds where your tongue has to touch your teeth to make them) hurts a lot.

He gave me all of his discharge papers to read so I would know what was going on, and to help explain to him a little what all of his follow up appts and instructions were for.

Yesterday was his first night out of the hospital. Amazingly, my mom and he listened to me when I said, "Make a chart for his medication(s) and check them off when he takes them." He has multiple medications for pain and infection fighting. Some are every 4 hours, some every 6, etc. They are all in liquid form so he can't use one of those pill-counter box things to keep track. It is very important that he stay on top of his pain so that it does not get out of control. If he is not able to manage the pain, he runs the risk of misusing the medication and possible becoming addicted.

So.......I stopped by yesterday. Then I went grocery shopping and came home. He was looking forward to watching the Packers play last night. I decided to call over there after I got the groceries put away (around 11PM). I just wanted to see how he was and let them know I'd probably come by today after Mass.

My mom's husband answered the phone. He was obviously drunk. She was "out with her friends". JT was sleeping. I endured 15 minutes of his babble, mostly to try and ask about JT. Her husband joked about how he was "babysitting". He also said, "Well, the chart is here and he should have had his medicine an hour ago. But he's been sleeping for hours. I am not waking him up. He is being rejuvenated." I asked him, well kind of tried to convince him, to wake him up. But, of course, in his drunken excellence he knows everything and told me it would just be best to let him sleep as long as he can.

This is a point I really pounded into my mother before she brought him home from the hospital (and one of the reasons I am glad he stayed there as long as he did). Pain management and infection control are VERY IMPORTANT. Important enough to wake someone up for. He needs to take the meds on time, every time.

As you can imagine, I am very frustrated. I cannot believe that it is that hard to stay home with your son and take care of him. I can't imagine anyone NOT wanting to do everything they can for their child (adult child or kid) in this situation. It isn't like she has to go to work, or has any little ones to take care of. Her only "job" really in this caretaker situation is to make sure she wakes him up to take medication if he is sleeping. When he is up, he seems to have a pretty good handle on using the chart and knowing when he needs to take meds. Oh, and maybe she has to throw some milk and carnation instant breakfast in a blender a few times a day.

Is that really so hard? For your son? I just don't get it. I know part of that has to do with the bonds I have developed with my children that she just doesn't have with us (my brother and I). I know that part of it is her history of abandonment with us. I know that she really doesn't know how to relate to anyone, especially her children, in a *normal* situation. It still really bothers me a lot.

This is a situation where it is completely acceptable and appropriate to focus attention and care on your adult child. Unfortunately, she spends so much time giving him inappropriate attention/care that now she feels like it is just "too much". (In the "not hit by a car" life - she enables my brother's addictions and enables him to not have a job/grow-up/be an adult. Most of the time she caters to his every whim, chauffeuring him around and buying him whatever he needs, be it cigarettes, toilet paper, food, clothes, or booze.)

I am just feeling really frustrated and a little helpless right now. I am very angry with my mom. The worst part is, I am sure she was out drinking. So not only did she leave my brother alone with her drunk husband for hours on end, by the time she got home last night, she was probably drunk too and unable to give optimal care to my brother. What a great example to try and help him NOT DRINK while he is recovering, right? Yeah.

But I am sure she convinced herself she "deserved" a night out since she'd been going to the hospital to visit him everyday. Uh-huh. Because when you put time in taking care of someone you (supposedly) love it's just so you can "earn" time to yourself. Right. And take off when they actually need you, when there aren't any nurses or doctors to come in and check on him.

Blocking and Thinking

Here it is. All pinned out. That was a PITA. I am pretty sure I am done with laceweight yarn. Maybe. Ya never know.

And I am still thinking of my brother. Here is another picture of him with my youngest son, this summer at the amusement park. (Back before I buzzed Lovey's hair.)

Love you, J.T. Praying for you still.

Knit Through All Crisis

These words of wisdom come from Elizabeth Zimmermann. What wonderful words they truly are.

Crisis is going on here. But first, a happy thought. Two years ago today was the homebirth of my second son, Lovey. His "name" really fits his personality as he is the most loving, caring, and cuddly baby I have had to date. He still enjoys just cuddle time with me and will gladly go anywhere I go to be alone just to be with me (especially the shower!). Seems my waterbirth baby is really in love with the water and his gentle beginning seems to have made a lasting impression.

I love you! May your 3rd year being in my arms be as wonderful and joy filled as your last two!!

And now, onto crisis......and knitting......

I give you Summer Surprise. It is done. DONE, I tell you. This is a picture of it pre-blocking. It is currently in a nice bath with some Eucalan waiting for me to get off the computer so it can get pinned out and dry.

What a long journey this shawl has been. When I think of how many stitches and hours have been put into this it makes me tired.

Oh, and the crisis? That is what pushed me to knit those last 5 rows when I just couldn't focus on anything else and there was nothing for me to do.


This is my brother. He is 28 years old, just 16 months younger than I am. Last night, he was crossing the street around 10pm and was struck by a car. I got a call from my mom a little while later and then called the ER to talk to one of the nurses.

At that time, he had only been in the ER for about 20 minutes. He didn't have any obvious "life threatening" injuries at that time, but she said he was pretty bloody and they were still doing tests/CAT scans/X-rays to check for fractures/internal bleeding. His teeth were messed up and he had lots of cuts and scrapes everywhere.

Turns out, his jaw is severely fractured and the bones in his face are shattered. His teeth are all, I don't even know what to call them, very much not in the right places. He broke his collar bone (they think) and his ear continues to bleed (from the inside) from an unknown cause.

At 10:30 last night, with kids still awake and me an hour and a half from the hospital, there was really nothing I could do but sit and wait for a phone call. I was seriously torn between wanting to be there for my brother and wanting to take care of my family.

My mother was able to go right away. That is a relief, but also at the same time kind of hard. She has a very dramatic personality. So much so that I though he was dead when I first spoke with her b/c she was freaking out so much. That is just how she is. She stayed with him through the night. I still really wish I could have been there to speak with the doctors/nurses in charge of his care and treatment. Having a medical background (previous nursing, registered EMT, and midwifery training), I am able to ask questions about his care/treatment that I know would not occur to someone else to ask. It makes it very hard to step back.

Today, I was able to go to the hospital for 2 hours. He looks awful. He is unable to speak or eat/drink. I sent my mom off to get some food and maybe a shower.

Seeing him in the bed brought a swell of emotions I was not ready for. Growing up as we did, dealing with abandonment, abuse, and constant changing conditions has lead us both in very different directions in our lives. He never really has been able to get over what happened in our childhoods and has turned to many different addictions to cope. He has never really had a job, a girlfriend, doesn't know God, and usually lacks any real happiness apart from drinking.

My urge to pick him up and comfort him as though he was one of my own children was nearly overwhelming. I am sure he didn't pick up on this, because I am very good at not letting my emotions get the best of me. I simply wanted to tell him that everything would be OK and I would take care of it all and make the pain go away.

Being there with him, I was able to communicate with him fairly well and able to help take care of him for a little while. He asked me to look at his teeth and tell him exactly what I saw. He also asked me to care for some of his wounds, wiping up the secretions oozing from his face and the place on his chin where there were several stitches put in to hold the skin back on. I helped him get comfortable in bed and held an emesis basin while he spit, his secretions thick in his mouth from lack of drinking. Later my mom told me that he had not allowed her to touch him. This made me feel a little better that he knew he could trust me to care for him.

While I was there for 2 hours, 6 different care providers came to see him. Non of these providers where the doctors I really wanted to speak with and ask questions about his future surgeries and treatment plan. In fact, all of them seemed pretty non-essential. Every time my brother would doze off for a minute and have 1 really deep snore/breath, the door would open and someone else would come in to "ask a few questions".

If I may vent: The most annoying was the pharmaceutical guy. He came in to ask about medications. I thought he was there to talk about the medication they were giving him, or to set up a treatment plan to manage his pain (which he was still describing as a 7 on a 0-10 scale....pretty high if you ask me). Nope.

This guy just wanted to talk crap. "Are you allergic to anything?" (Sheesh, I hope they had already asked this, since he'd been admitted for over 12 hours by this point.) "Do you take any over the counter medications, supplements, herbs?" It was painful to watch my brother try and answer these. Just for him to say "Tylenol" and "ibuprofen" was very difficult. That was all the guy wanted to know. Oh, that and, "Do you use tabacco?" Yes, my brother shook his head. "Smoke?" Yes, another head shake. "Oh, well, in that case the CDC recommends that you receive a pneumococcal vaccine." Um, excuse me?? Wtf? Really?

At this point, I piped in. I told my brother I recommend he refuse. The "Pharmacy" guy asked why that was. So, I started asking questions of him. Does this have anything to do with his condition? What are the indications for the vaccine? Are they concerned he will be exposed to pneumonia during his stay?

The guy didn't have anything to tell me except "All smokers should receive this vaccine. The CDC recommends it." All smokers? I realize that smoking decreases your lung health and that it may make it harder for you to fight off an infection in your lungs. But seriously. He just got HIT BY A CAR. His face is smashed. He needs to heal. You want to introduce "35 different genetic codes of pneumococcal bacteria" (his words about what the virus contained) into his system when he is already compromised? Are you insane.

My brother declined the vaccine, even with the weird stares the guy was giving me.

He needs surgery to repair his jaw and plastic surgery to repair the bones in his face. They are concerned about his c-spine (cervical spine, neck bones). There is no fracture there, but lots of swelling and ligament tears. They refuse to remove his support collar to take the x-rays necessary to move forward with his jaw surgery. (Although, while I was there he was upgraded to a more comfortable collar and to put it on they had to remove the old one. I don't get it, even as a former EMT.)

It is possible he will have to wait 2 weeks for surgery. In the meantime, a PT (physical therapist) and OT (occupational therapist) have to determine whether or not he is able to go home and care for himself.

It is really very frustrating and I feel very much torn. I really, really want to be there for him. I am positive I could help at least with the understanding of his care for my mother and he. (Did that even make sense?) I feel torn b/c I want to take care of my family, and I want to be the rock for him too. It was humbling and very hard to leave the hospital today. My husband works the next 3 days and I may not be able to go there again, unless I can get someone who is willing to come into town with me and watch my kids. Also, my mom is scheduled to go on vacation next week and I am not sure that she would cancel to take care of him, if he needs it. I am more than willing to help, but I don't know if he will come to stay at my house.

Everything is kind of unknown right now. I thank God that he is alive, and that a bystander called 911 when the car that hit him drove off, leaving him unconscious in the street.

I also pray, reverently, that God will use this event to touch my brother's heart and bring him close to Him. The only love that is going to save my brother from the loneliness and sadness we've experienced is God's. For my brother to know that love, to just recognize that it *is* there, would be a true miracle.

Please, dear bloggy friends, pray for my brother's recovery. Not just from this accident, but from the emptiness, spiritual and emotional, he endures on a daily basis.

I love you, J.T. I know you're not reading this, but I will always be here for you. My heart aches for you to heal and know God's love and mercy.

Yes, I am still Pregnant

Sorry for the lack of blogging. Really. I want to blog. I want to connect. (I even got tagged in a meme over at BWYA.) I am just soooo, um, crabby.

I don't know how good blogging will be when all I want to do is tell anyone who will listen how much this SUCKS. And I feel super guilty saying that, especially knowing all the mamas out there who have lost children to miscarriage and stillbirth, or who are unable to conceive at all.

I don't mean to sound as if I am not happy about the joy of new life, or that I don't enjoy and just absolutely LOVE having a new baby (because I do).

I am just a super obnoxious pregnant lady in the last month. I HATE it. I am crabby. My body is crampy. My legs hurt. My ass hurts. My crotch hurts. Ligaments pull. I can't sleep. I annoy my entire family. My breasts grow and itch. I can't find a single thing to wear that fits me. I am tired. I get constipated. Hemorrhoids = asteroids (much better word for them: location, location, location.....not to mention that asteroids explode into a firey hell when exposed to the atmosphere, not unlike hemorrhoids). It is next to impossible to get comfortable for more than 30 minutes at a time. Activities I enjoy with my husband (*clears throat*) are just too hard to accomplish (at least from my end.....men have it soooo easy). Seriously. I am just a sulky, b*tchy person.

Now that I have exposed you to the wretchedness that is me in this month, we will move on.

Hmmm? What shall we talk about? Knitting? Other bloggers? My kids? Pregnancy ailments, oh ya, already covered that. Ummm?

Knitting - I am having a hard time controlling the "cast on" urge. So far, so good. But it is seriously creeping up on me.

Bloggers - I found an interesting blog call "N*ked on the Roof" (Yes, he does spell it with the little asterisk, I am sure to deter people fishing for p0rn). It is by this guy that I think is an electrician (his username is morethananelectrician) and he is pretty funny. I am pretty sure he is married and has kids too. I haven't found any faith references. But so far, I am enjoying it. (I'd link to it, but the link is on my phone and I am just too lazy to look it up now or google it.)

My kids - The Wobbs just got back from a week vacationing with my family in PA. He had a great time. We missed him. It was certainly a different dynamic around here without him. Not good, or bad, better, or worse, just different. Today is his first day back. He's been here for about 4 hours and already the kids are all yelling at each other. Freakin' great. And Flower has been throwing up today. Awesome times two.

Homeschool - It is a lot of work, and sometimes annoying work, to help run a homeschool group. I think it will all work out in the end. We had an awesome "end of the year" campout at the other leader's house this weekend. Her family and mine (especially our husbands, bonus!) get along really well. So it did not bother us too much that not a lot of the other families were able to attend. Oh well. Better to hang with a few real people, real Catholics, with real flaws, than to have a house full of overbearing pious people (not that the other families are all like that, but there were some moms I was ok not seeing for the weekend).

Diapers - I need to get my diapers out and washed and ready to go. Any helpful hints out there about washing diapers with hard water? At our old house we had a really great water softener. My diapers always came out just right. I am a little concerned here about things like residue and smell. I hope it doesn't make too big of a difference, or that it is something that is easily remedied by adding something, like Borax or just more vinegar, to the wash. (Speaking of diapers, I need to order some Charlie's Soap for washing....finally ran out of the 5 gallon bucket I bought almost 4 years ago a few months back.)

Divorce - Seriously people. Watch who you marry. Dealing with my husband's ex-wife is enough to make me want to pull out my hair. This custody case is sucking royally (especially since we did this already, 8 years ago, to the tune of 14K). Figuring out placement sucks. And high school, with all it's sports and crap, also sucks. Did you know that practice for sports starts BEFORE the school year starts? And when you live 45 minutes away from the school and the practice lasts for 3 hours, you have nothing to do with your toddlers for 3 hours in a town where you don't live (parks would be ok, except that it's 2000 degrees of Hades outside with 300% humidity.....okay.....maybe I'm exaggerating, but you get it). And ex-wives just suck. Especially when they think the most important thing in their child's life is their "social life". Don't get divorced people!! God never intended for 2 families to have to share a child (or children).

Have I ranted enough for you? I am really sorry. I don't mean to be so dang crabby and complainy. It's all I got right now. I promise I will be a happy, cheery, wonderful bloggy friend once this baby exits my body. I have 5 weeks of technical time left. Maybe I'll go early again and only have to endure 3 weeks. I have been having a ton of contractions, sometimes all night long. I checked (because, well, I can) and I am dilated to 1 (too bad it's not more) and about 50% effaced. At least those contractions are doing something. :)

Not much to say....

Not too much going on in my household right now, and not much to blog about.

I've got lots of ideas swimming around in my head, especially regarding Truth and Church teaching.

But I just don't have any energy to blog about it right now.

I think I may dye some diapers today.

I got 2 new knitting books in the mail this week (turn-around from the proceeds of selling some yarn on Ravelry): Knitting Around by Elizabeth Zimmermann and Learn-to-Knit Afghan Book by Barbara Walker.

I am suddenly realizing I only have 7 weeks left to get stuff ready for this baby. Not that there is a ton of "stuff" I need....just stuff to do. I need to lanolize all the wool, wash all the diapers, and figure out where I am going to set it up so that my 2 year old hurricane doesn't dispense them in an unrecognizable pile on the floor every 15 minutes.

I have some wool and some slings I'd like to sell, but it is hard for me to upload pictures to diaperswappers.com.......so I may just use a blog post on here to do that and then link to it at diaperswappers. Don't be alarmed if you see a post that just has pictures of things for sale and prices.

I am still reading all of your blogs, and trying to comment when my phone will let me. It gets obnoxious sometimes, and I just break down and come to the laptop to make comments.

My son is very happily mowing the lawn right now. It's nice when the kids start to get older and can (and want to, sometimes) help out. Woo hoo.

I have watched about 4 different Barbie movies this morning. Yikes. At least Barbie always makes the "right" decision.

Brain spill - two days in a row. Wow.

Random Sunday (Except that it's really Monday)

~~First up, some cute pictures I can't help but share.

Love this one too. Oops! That is not exactly the one I wanted to load. Oh, well. Still nice one of the girl. He was brushing her hair. Cute.

~~I did it again. I started another project. See? Look down.

I am making longies out of that yarn. I know. I have no will power.

I did, however, finish the hat in just one day. And, I even worked a bunch of rows on the shawl. Really.

~~I hate knitting lace. I will finish it. But not start another one, probably ever.

~~I am still not sleeping well. I have been taking the iron supplement. My midwife says I probably won't notice a difference for a few weeks. I also finally found a chiropractor who takes our insurance (yes!) and is wonderful, and not too far away (only 1/2 hour). I can't wait to go see him again this week.

~~What ever happened to midwifery?? Am I still in "school"? Do I still study? Attend births?

Yes, I am still in school, technically. I go to a school that allows you to work at your own pace, therefore allowing "breaks". This pregnancy has been a big break, and not one I was expecting. All of my classroom/academic stuff is done already. I simply have clinicals to finish. I was about 50% done with those when I became pregnant (this time around....I also started out school when I was pregnant last time).

The midwife I work with is super understanding about me not being able to handle anything more than Just This Pregnancy. It helps that she is also my midwife. I plan to start seeing patients with her again once the baby is somewhere between 3-6 months old. We see patients 1-2 days a week for prenatals and I can bring my baby with. I can start getting the rest of my birth assists and primaries once my daughter is maybe 6-9 months old.....or older. We'll see what kind of baby I have. They are all different, and I am really not into leaving my baby. It depends on how far along labors are, if it's a first, second, or more baby for a mama, etc. Lots of factors go into me being able to go to a birth.

I will say I truly miss the work. I have been reading my textbooks late at night when I can't sleep. Dorky, I know. But I LOVE this stuff. I also started reading my favorite midwifery book of all time the other night, "Baby Catcher" by Peggy Vincent. I got this book before I became pregnant with my second child. It made me seek out a midwife for my next pregnancy/birth and cemented my desire to become a midwife. Reading it now really makes me miss attending births.....but I just can't. And I know there will be plenty of time for that later.

~~My husband's birthday was yesterday (ok, 2 days ago, as I write this Sunday night, but really it's 1 am Monday morning). We took the kids out to dinner at a super fancy smancy restaurant where the dinners are $35/plate. Chris and I have been there a few times in the past (read once or twice a year for the last few years). There is always sooooo much food that he and I ordered meals and just ordered salads for the kids (and 1 plate of french fries for the babies to share). We both split our meals with the kids and we still brought home leftovers. Our bill wasn't too high and the kids loved having such fancy food served to them. They thought the unending loaves of fresh baked bread that we had to cut ourselves was the best part.

~~I have a confession of sorts to make. Really, I just want to say something that isn't really bad, just bothering me.

I missed Mass about 6 weeks ago for no good reason at all. (I was tired and didn't feel like getting up, but I also didn't bother to go to a later Mass that day either.) I haven't missed any Masses except that one. But I also haven't managed to make it to Confession since I missed the Mass. This, of course, means I haven't received the Eucharist since then either. It really sucks to sit at Mass and NOT be able to go up and receive our Lord. Sucks big time. Especially when my husband keeps asking me why I am not going up. I keep telling him. He just thinks I am being stubborn. But I know that it is a grave sin to miss Mass and that I am not to receive Holy Communion until I go to Confession.

The problem is not that I don't want to go to Confession. It's that Confession is only on Saturdays. I never think about going until Sunday morning. I wish we lived in a time when there were enough priests that there was Confession before (and sometimes during) every Mass. That would be really awesome. I would probably go every single time I went to Mass, even if it was a weekday Mass.

What I probably need to do is simply get there early on Sunday and ask our priest if he would have time for a confession after Mass. Usually they are pretty accommodating when someone wants a confessor.

That's all I have for now. I hope you had a wonderful weekend.