Tuesday, January 4, 2011

3am is a great time to blog

No, really. It is.

I am up because I have sick kids. Some kind of fever/headache bug has hit. It started with Lovey on Friday and yesterday bloomed in Flower and the Wobbers.

Now, before you click away because you don't want to hear me get all complain-y (yes, I just made up that word), let me tell you I'm actually happy about this.

No, I am not the extremely-pious-holier-than-thou-type parent/Catholic/Christian either (so you don't have to click away because of *that*)....but....really I had an epiphany about this sick kid thing:

I am thankful for the opportunity to serve. I am thankful to God for these babies and the chance to comfort them, which is only made possible by God's Will for my life and His Grace.

And that makes me joyous.

And a little sleep deprived.

But seriously - living out my vocation brings me joy, even (and sometimes especially) in what our secular world would call the "crappy" moments.

I did not grow up with lots of caring and comfort from my parents, especially when I was sick. Having a sick kid was considered a major inconvenience to them and I/we were constantly reminded of such when we were ill. No one "babied" me/us or took the extra time to make sure I/we were as comfortable as possible. It was pretty much "you can stay home from school but you're on your own". To be fair, I'm sure (or I hope) part of that was due to important things like "someone has to go to work to make the money or we won't eat"....but, I digress.

Being able to care for my children in completely unselfish ways (when I'd rather be doing anything else than getting puked on) has a healing quality to those childhood wounds I picked up telling me I wasn't worth it. (I grew up with a *profound* belief that I was not worthy of anything good, especially love and time or praise.) It feels good to give them the reinforcements that tell them, in not so many words, "YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND LOVED" and "I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU" - even let you puke in my lap or have a nose-bleed all over my shirt (3 of those today!!) just because it comforts you and is easier for you to have to endure this crap in your mama's arms.

So even though I wish I had 6 extra hands today, and two extra laps (mama's lap is prime real estate around here when everyone is sick), I am happy, joyful even. God is good. He has surrounded me with soooo much love, so many reminders of my worth to Him (in the forms of little souls I am responsible for for a little while): it just makes me smile.

:)

2 comments:

woolandchocolate said...

beautiful

Candy Rant said...

I know this is stating the obvious, but you are doing wondrous things for your babies.

I felt the same way you did growing up. Unworthy of anything good. God bless you and your whole family.