WTF? Why am I awake?

I realize that some of you are up at this hour every day. But not me. Seriously. It's 5 am. Not cool. (Ok, it's 6. But I've been laying here since about 4:30 or so thinking I'll just fall back asleep.)

My best guesses as to why I am not in Sandman-Runneth-Over-Me mode:

•The 4 (four!!) glasses of Boston Iced Tea (that's cranberry juice mixed with iced tea) that I consumed at lunch with my mom yesterday.

•The burning desire to knit every piece of yarn in my home into something wearable for my family, coupled with my brain's complusive ability to run through the endless lists of possibilities even while I dream or try to reach dreamyworld. (Yep, just made up a word.)

•The return of psycho-chick mean girl in the form of a lovely caring priest trying to help. (Don't worry, I am not actually going to let psyco-chick draw me into her talons (totally misspelled) again.) (Double parenthesis there. Woot.) Much obsessive brain power has been sucked up on this issue, again.

•My absolute need to have tomorrow morning (um, yeah, that would be today) run smoothly.

•My overwhelming desire to wake my husband up for some *air quotes here* alone time. Thatks not gonna happen.

•The never before made, but had to be made, Puerto Rican Rice recipe I whipped up in the hour before bed last night. I grew up eating this stuff and have always wanted to make it. Unfortunately, everyone who could teach me is dead. But, as fate would have it, I ran across a Puerto Rican recipe website on a KNITTING blog last week (really). There are like 5 different versions of this recipe and I am going to have to keep experimenting until I get it right. Last night's batch was missing *something*, salt for sure, but something else too. It sure smelled awesome and immediately took me back to my Aunt Jenny's kitchen where I would beg and beg for just one more helping of rice while ignoring everything else on my plate. (Hmmmmm, craving startches only. Apparently that has been a life-long habit.) Oh, and I take back the "everyone is dead" comment. My dad is gone, but if I searched real hard I coyld maybe find Aunt Jenny. Maybe. It's been years...

So, do I just get up? Do I try to sleep (again)? Crap. My alarm will go off in an hour. Is it worth it to get back to. sleep only to have the alarm sounding a code red right as I get to REM sleep? I don't know. But at least all the craps outta my brain now. (Except for the knitting, of course.) (And the recipe.) (And the psyco-chick.) (Who am I kidding.) ;)

Must Read

Digi has an awesome post (okay, pretty much all her posts are awesome) everyone should read. It's actually an excert from a book that I tried to read many times in high school, but just couldn't get through. Maybe I'll try again.

Anyway, I know the link below doesn't look pretty. And you may even have to copy and paste (*gasp*) into your address bar to get it to work, because we all know I can't hyperlink anymore. But trust me, it's worth it. Just read it. Please. And then, just think. Think about what kind of society you want to live and about the path we're all on right now.

http://digihairshirt.blogspot.com/2010/03/digireader-excerpt-from-atlas-shrugged.html

Craziness (is that a word?) is....

Staying up until 1 am in da mornin' knittin' a stuff'd turtle (jus' 'cause you know yo baby girl gonna love it ta-morrow!).

Damn, he cute too.

Ramdom Thursday

This is the last week of single parenting. The last week of no one to warm my feet on in bed. The last week without my husband. I am happy about that. I still think Thursdays suck.

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I have finished my mittens. Remember? Like 3 months ago I was working on a "pair" of mittens. I knit one mitten, ripped it back, and knit it again. I got the pattern just right (although the thumb on that first pattern needs to be moved over about 6 stitches).

I picked it up last week and knit the second one in about 2 days. My son said, "Hey Mom? How come that first mitten took you like a month to make and you just finished this one in two days?" I explained that I was writing a pattern the first time and the second time I just had to read it and knit.

I did move the thumb over 6 stitches and it turned out perfect!! I really like it. So now, of course, I am going to frog the first mitt (again!!) and reknit it with the thumb in the correct place. If I don't it will bug me every time I wear them.

I am also going to write up the pattern all nice and readable like and post it here.

The best part is that out of my 100 gram skein I still have 40 grams left. The means it took just over 1/2 skein - which also means I have 1 and almost 1/2 skein of this yummy, soft silk/wool yarn too make some kind of matching project. Awesome.

I'll have to write a shawl/scarfy-type pattern now.

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I have also been working on the sweater that will never die, aka The Husband Sweater. I have just broke into the 10th (!!) skein of yarn. I have one more available (since I learned my lesson with #8 and #9 to just order two at a time instead of one). I may not need the 11th one, but we'll see.

I am finally working the saddles across the shoulders. Holy crap, my husband is a big guy

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What is up with 10 year old boys? It's like a girl, but worse. Their hormones just show up out of nowhere and they become Mr. Sassypants. Ei-yi-yi.

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My three year old has been getting angry lately. It kind of upsets her. I don't think she's used to such a strong emotion. Recently, she yelled VERY loudly at my ten year old. Then she turned to me and said very softly, "It's ok, Mama. I not yellin' at you. I yellin' at Wobbers."

Ha!!

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My son found a long lost lone Dora the Explorer VHS tape downstairs. I am now being tortured. As in right now. Wow it's loud.

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Speaking of VHS: I implore any of you, again, to let me know if you've seen Blue's Clues "Blue's Birthday". I still get asked about that almost everyday.

Yum, New Yarn

I was rather surprised when my son told me the mail lady was at the front door and needed a signature.

"You have a package."

Um, where's it from?

"Ontario."

Huh?? Ok?

I signed. I looked at the return addresss. It was from the Sweet Sheep Shop. I didn't order anything from the shop. Hmmmm.

Wait?! Oh yes! I did sign up for a Pay It Forward on the Sweet Sheep Blog. And this must be the PIF to me!! Weeee!!

So, I opened it up to find a *beautiful* skein of handspun, hand-dyed bulky "rambouillet" (google it, cause I can't link, but it's a breed of sheep) yarn, colorway "garden". It's greens and oranges, pinks and reds, and a little yellow/sunshine thrown in. (Yes, I realize I am posting no picture. Yes, I know blogs aren't quite as interesting without the pics. I'm sorry. I am restricted by the blackberry.)

Now I am just petting it and looking at how pretty it is.

Nice way to end the week.

Oh? The week, you ask? How's it going?

Let's see.....about the same. Sick of single parenting, tired, and eager for my husband to return tonight.

I managed to see my midwife this week and the same day I had a surgeon remove a lump from my arm that has been growing and living there for about 5 years.

Midwife says get some Vitamin D, baby is doing great, and keep trying to eat. I managed a complete emotional breakdown in her "office" (her house) and she admitted that I look like I'm not doing so good. It was actually nice to hear someone say that, mostly because everyone keeps saying "Oh, you'll be fine. It will get better." I love my midwife.

Surgeon says the lump looks like a lypoma, a benign, fatty tumor. Sending it for pathology just to be safe. I say, "Gee. My arm is effin' sore." And it is. Seriously.

Oh, and my best friend ended up with a mastectomy. She's getting through each day, sometimes an hour at a time.

Can I get a "Woot! Woot!" ?

Let's all raise the roof for Daylight Savings Time!! Come on! Getchore hands up!!

Ok, I am being totally snarky and sarcastic. :P

After 2 weeks of settling my little one into a bedtime and naptime, we have been completely thwarted. I thought, "Hey, I'll just adjust everything by one hour, and we'll be fine. Ya. That'll work."

Um, no.

Refusal to take nap today, culminating in my toddler PASSING OUT IN HIS HIGHCHAIR while we finish dinner. It is too early for bed (5:45pm here), but that's where he is.

And he'll stay there, I'm sure, for at least 2 or 3 hours. And then after his nice comfy nap, he'll be ready to go until midnight.

Woot! Woot!

Another week

I am starting to lose my grip. Really.

There were a few bad sleep days last week (and two REALLY bad nights this weekend, but there were two of us at least).

Expectations were possibly a little too high when my husband returned. And I admit, I was rather uncharitable in my response to being let down.
I have a deep-seeded fear that our marriage will come out of this month for the worst.

Communication is not what it should be. Needs are going unmet, I imagine on both sides.

It is Monday again, and he is gone again. Mondays are usually the "easiest" of these weeks. But today pretty much sucks. I am unmotivated. Although, the sun is helping (a little).

My children are whiny (Gee!! They couldn't be getting that from ME?! No!!). I am totally whiny too.

I did manage to get dressed. And we're outside. It *is* nice.

Maybe I'll walk to the mailbox.

He's gone, again.

Day 7 went off without a hitch. We got up, went to Mass, did some shopping, and came home.

The highlight of the day was when we ran into a friend of my husband's from school in the parking lot of the sporting goods store. His friend knew it was us because, in his words, "Van full of kids? Must be (our last name here)." Awesome.

This morning, Day 8, my husband didn't have to leave until 9am. For whatever reason, they are running his classes 12-8:30 this week instead of 8-4:30. Weird.

I got a shower this morning before he left and we are presently working on school work with the little ones "playing" with paper and crayons on the floor.

On a completely unrelated note, I have been reading the Narnia books. They are wonderful! What awesome dreams one gets from reading about talking beasts, sword-bearing mice, and dancing trees before bed. And since they're "children's books" I can read one in a night (or two). It's lovely. Of course, I only have the first 3 books, so I will need to be on the lookout for the rest at the thrift store.

Day 5/6

Day 5 was apparently meant to be the "Day of Tears". Even as my husband returned to us I could not stop the crying. In fact, it seemed to get worse in his presence. It was the "I feel safe with you so I'm really gona let it all go now" thing.

I got the kids to sleep (more crying), had some food (cried while I made that), endured my husband's sweet questions "Why are you crying? Do you need to talk to somebody? Have you been taking your pills?" My simple answer was "I need sleep."

And sleep I did. I had a hard time falling asleep. But in the morning, at 6:45am (Curse You DST!!), when my kiddos got up, I had no problem holding my husband to his promise of the night before and sent him and the kids out for some *just me* sleep time. It was lovely.

I am not crying today. I am not a big mess of snot and tears wadded up into a rag on the floor. My head is pretty clear. When the kids do cute things, well, I see cute! I am not annoyed at every little thing. Life is good.

Now hubby and I just need to find some *us* time - if ya know what I mean. ;)

what are you supposed to do...

when previously mentioned henious dreams keep you crying all morning?

Day 5

Last night, I had both babies asleep by 8pm. Score one for mom.

I had an important phone call to make and then decided I wanted to watch the end of a movie (in silence). I finally waddled to bed around 10pm. I read one of the Narnia books for a little while and turned the light out to cuddle up to some sleep.

And then Hates came up from Hell and spewed bile all over my night.

Mr. Brute, formerly known as My Lovey, woke up. He went back to sleep with help - and slept for 5 minutes. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. For 4 hours. I was up until 3 am with a child that would fall asleep for FIVE minutes and then wake up screaming, only to go back to sleep 10 minutes later and do it all over again.

And, AND, at 7am this morning, we were all again awake for the day.

Sleep deprivation is used as torture. I understand why. When you are sleep deprived things that are normally "cute" become annoying. Mommy patience factor, which usually runs at a high 8-10 range becomes a 1-4 range. I snap. I discipline. I cry.

I spent the majority of this morning on the phone with my dear friend C balling my eyes out about how horrible the night was and describing the accompanying henious dreams. I am so glad she will be visiting today.

And tonight my husband returns for a few days. I hope he is ready to be tackled.

Day 2 and 3 ReCap:

It's Day 4, I know.

Day 2, entitled "Wobbers Turns Ten", or "How to Survive a Decade":

Sleep Fail.
Mommy Fail.
Patience Fail.

No one was happier than me when that day was over. Of course, I still wasn't very happy when Day 3 started.

Day 2 began by my children decided 7 am was proper wake up time (after months, months I tell you, of 9-10 am wake ups) and ended after midnight with no nap for mama. Daylight savings time - Curse You!!

Day 3:

7 am. Wake up again. Ten year old Saint takes babies to basement for movie. Mama sleeps for another hour.

Nice playdate at friend's house. Discuss sleep issues, of which she's had her fair share. Feel less like a "Fail".

Decide, with her help, that if kids are going to get up at 7 they can go to bed at 7 too.

End up with one asleep by 7:15, the other just after 8.

Day 4:

Things looking up. Babies sleep till 8. Flower throws up in bed, I think just from coughing too hard with a dry throat. Day moves on.

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Now, I just wish my husband was home. I need to clean and the motivation level is low.

I am also going to make a plea to you fellow bloggers/readers:

Anybody out there got Blue's Clues tapes, specifically "Blue's Birthday" and "Magenta Comes Over" and a long lost Blue Christmas special where Steve sings about snowing??

Our tapes broke (our broken old VCR ate them, so we got a new VCR but the tapes are bye-bye) and it has been a sad time without them. I'd pay ya for shipping if you had one you'd be willing to give us.

:)

A sure cure for a sour stomach.....

Peppermint and chamomile tea sweetened with honey.

Of course, my 9 year old (who is celebrating his very last day of single digit age ever!) Thinks it's "nasty". But, he's drinking it anyway.

Smelled so good I made myself a cup too!

Day 1

My husband is gone this month for "school" for work. He left last night around 6 to drive the two hours to his hotel and find the school.

It sucks.

As a general rule, we do not ever spend nights apart. The kids also, particularly my 3 year old who has been sleeping on "Daddy's arm" for the last two year, are not happy he's gone.

Being extremely sick and dealing with nausea and horrible headaches is not helping the situation.

In fact, less than 5 minutes ago, I just lost my Ramon Noodle lunch down the toilet.

I feel a little like a sorry, complaining, sick little mama who just can't keep it together (or in my stomach for that matter).