"I'm not really sure you want to talk to me right now."

This is what the automotive repair man, let's call him Brandon 'cause that's his name, said to me on the phone yesterday. I dropped my van off to have the front tires replaced and the oil changed. The front tires were bald, bald, BALD, I tell you. (I have been having nightmares about the car not stopping and crashing into buildings, other cars, people who shouldn't be in the road, and trees. My husband had one where he was following me in his truck, I had the kids in my car, crashed into a tree, car starts on fire, he gets the kids out, goes back for me, car blows up. Time to get new tires.)

Brandon said to me, "Just the tires and oil, right?" I said, "Why don't you take a look at the brakes while you're up there and then call me and tell me what you see. Just look, ok?"

He looked. And he called. Just before he called, I balanced the checkbook. I had sat down at the kitchen table with a stack of bills, picked which ones were getting paid, and pulled out some envelopes. When I picked up the phone and said, "What's up?" he uttered the phrase above (look to title of post).

Apparently the "weird" noise I was hearing was the fact that my calipers were FROZEN - not like cold frozen.....like rusted to the point where they would not move even when he tried to use a pry-bar to get them to budge. Replace?? Yes, unless I want to risk death every time I try to slow down. We all know about the aforementioned nightmares. No need to induce those again.

So along with my tires came a new pair of calipers and brake pads (and maybe rotors, but I'm not so good with car terminology, so I don't remember what he said about those).

Cha-ching. I said to Brandon, while we were still on the phone, "Well. You just saved me a bunch of time. No need to pay those bills, write out checks, and drive them to the post office." :)

Being the nice guy he is, he actually apologized. I pointed out to him that it's not his fault. It isn't as though he called me and said, "The speakers in your car are really kind of on the puny side. You need to spend $600 and get some good sub-woofers in there."

I do have to say, the new tires ROCK!! I am not slipping and sliding everywhere. I can get up my driveway like a regular car can. I can turn while slowing down.

Life is good. Even if I did spend the rent money.

Personal Growth

My husband brought home a rubbermaid tub/bin of clothes yesterday from our old house (on the market, but not sold). The clothes inside were mostly mine. They were from many years ago, like when we were first married.

Lots has changed since then.

In the "growth" department I would say, "Yes. I have grown." Physically for "sho". Seriously. Who can wear a size 31x32 pair of jeans after 3 kids?! (If you can, just shut up.) Camp shorts in a size 8. 8!! And shirts in the mediums galore. I don't think I can even put one boob in a medium now. ;)

Watching the kids look at the clothes was fun too. Phrases like, "Mom, why would anyone ever wear leather pants!?" abounded. They were followed closely by, "Hey! I can wear that!" We did give quite a few of the items to the children. Of course, I had to torment myself (really, it was to make everyone laugh, myself included) and attempt to try some of the items on. Be glad we didn't take pictures or you'd have a wet tushy from peeing your pants.

But in the real area of personal growth, I can see that as a moral human being, a Catholic, a Christian, a mom, a wife, and a woman, I have grown a lot.

It is amazing to me the kind of things I found appropriate to wear, in public or private, once upon a time. We found some old tattoo shop shirts in the bin. These were free t-shirts the tattoo shop owner had screen-printed up with his shops logo and usually some kind of other thing on it. I wore them everywhere. He had a great ring of free advertising going on with these things. I would cut the sleeves off mine, cause I have sleeves of tattoos, and the tight t-shirt collar so they would be more comfortable and show off my ink to the fullest.

The two shirts in question were special shirts that were made up for a tattoo show (Yes, there are tattoo shows/conventions all over the place. There are also tattoo magazines, and the photographers usually come to the shows. There's contests, etc., artists, and lots of other stuff.) in the fall of 2005. The said the name of the tattoo shop and "Tattoo Party Crew" on them. They also had a "drawing" (not a photo) of a woman, with a tattoo, on them. Except,.....she was standing, facing away from the viewer, wearing only a pair of thong underwear and high heels. She had a tattoo over her lower back.

Now, I'm not a prude by any means. But this certainly falls into the "inappropriate for my 9 year old son to be staring at" category any day of the week, especially yesterday. My husband had the slight of hand to pull it away before any of the kids saw it. Of course, I'm sure they saw plenty of it in 2005, since they were all around then and I wore it ALL THE TIME.

I guess I am just happy that I can see that shirt for what it really is - a distraction. It's another one of those things out there to distract us from what's really important and to desensitize us to immorality. I know, I know......maybe I'm making a big deal about this. "It's just a shirt." Right? Well, no. It's a lifestyle that I am proud to say I don't buy into any more. I don't think it's ok to walk around with a half-naked chick on my chest (like anyone needs more help seeing where that is). I also don't think it's ok to desensitize my children to nudity/pornography at every turn. Seeing me, their mother, go from the bathroom to the bedroom with no towel is a far cry from seeing a chick who looks like she works on a pole, if you catch my drift.

My point here is, I feel I have experienced some personal growth in the past four years, and I am grateful. It's wonderful to realize that it's ok to change and it's ok to let the past be. I don't have to mourn the life I had before but can look to it as a place where I have been and grown from. Feels good.

Oh, and we crumpled up the shirts and threw them away. Somethings are not even appropriate to give away.

Some Random Facts

Am update post - because you deserve one and my mind needs to declutter.

~~1

The monster child rapist choose to NOT take the plea the DA gave him and see how his luck fares in a jury trial. What an idiot. What is he going to do? Get up there and say, "Well, she never said no." Duh. She's 13. She can't consent even if she wanted to (which she didn't).

~~2

Said daughter above has told us (on her own) that she wants to live with us and not her mother. Score one for us. Now to get it sorted out in court......

~~3

I have recently lost a very close friend and am morning the relationship I thought we had. (See previous post on mean girls). At the first test of our friendship, she dropped me like 3rd period French. Her ability to "not trust me" is because some important people in our homeschool group found out she was being nice to me. Really.

~~4

Crack.

What can I say? I have a LOT of this stuff. I recently organized my crack. I organized it by cost and weight, where and when I bought it, what I plan to do with it, and what it's cut with.

Yes folks, I cannot get any lower.

~~5

Speaking of crack, my husband's sweater is officially half done. I wish I had photos to put up, but I forgot to bring my scandisk with to my friend's house. (Thank you, laurazim, for your wi-fi). I have finished a sleeve and I am over half way up the body. Soon, he will be warm.

~~6

There is so much more crack to play with, my brain is swarming day and knit, I mean night, with projects I want to complete. Right now I have enough yarn for no less than 13 projects, many of which already have names (even though they are just balls or hanks of yarn): Socks for me (wool, cashmere, nylon), socks for a friend (superwash wool), my sweater (malabrigo wool), my mittens and scarf (silky wool yarn, yum!!), hubby sweater (on the needles, cascade 220), fair-isle mittens (alpaca blend), woolies for babies (pants, sweaters, hats), the never-ending shawl (alpaca lace), a mantilla (leftover alpaca lace), bunnies (cute pattern for a toy)......the list goes on.

I also have acquired a pretty good library of crack-related books. I have been checking them out from the public library and then deciding which ones to buy. Not that there is any money for book buying, so I just keep checking them out over and over again. Hee hee.

~~7

We need a cellular modem. Any suggestions? We currently have US Cellular for a provider.

~~8

Do I write a letter to the mean girl, or not? There is a ton of stuff I want to say and clarify, but I don't feel like I owe her the time of day. Email is out of the question (that's how this mess started) and I don't feel like talking to her. Do I really let someone, ONE person, keep me from participating in a group my kids enjoy. I jst know I won't be able to keep up a fake facade (acting like everything is OK) when/if I see her again. I am pretty blunt.

~~9

Speaking of blunt. My husband likes that I am blunt. So do my two close (non-mean) girl friends. What do you think about bluntness? With me, you get what you see. If you want to know how I feel about something, just ask. I won't sugar coat it - don't have time. I won't say something nice just to make you feel good (unless you're my baby girl and you think you look pretty with a yellow sock, a red sock, green pants, and an ugly brown tank top - then I'll lie through my teeth).

~~10

That's all. Oh, I lied. Only one person requested a hand made Pay it Forward gift. That wonderful lady will be receiving a pair of hand knit socks. :)

In which mean girls exist beyond junior high

Yes. That's right. You can be almost 30 (I am almost 30) and still have Mean Girls around every corner.

Recently, this was brought to my attention in a rather unexpected way. I had forgotten all about "girl world". I had lived through all sorts of hard stuff in my personal life, my marriage, my friendships.

But I never thought a group of homeschooling women would be a threat.

I was wrong.

It's been over a week, and I am still bothered enough that I steam through a shower thinking of the things I would like to say to this woman's face if I ever bother to see it again.

Women are mean. In particular, you can think that you have a very close, secure, and loyal friendship only to find out that it is shallow and meaningless at best.

The details are too much to hash out, although I know some of you would be darned interested in hearing them. If I could muster the strength at this point, I would.

I managed to "turn the other cheek" for an entire week before I blew up at the leadership team of this particular homeschool group. And when I say blew up - I mean it. Verbal vomit. I didn't swear, but I think that's just because it's not as much fun to do that through email (which was how they contacted me).

I am not a fan of email for important communications. It's a very passive-aggressive way of communicating that allows people to combine words and tone that would never happen in real life: "We are so sorry if you're offended. We are not singling you out. We love you. By the way, don't come to Mass. Have a wonderful Christmas!!"

Really?! Can we be a little more 5th grade?

Ugh.

Well, I promise things should be shaping up here around the new year. I am looking into getting a modem for my laptop from my cell phone company. That should spiff things up and get me back to blogging.

For now......you just get random, when I have time kinda stuff.

Sorry.

Preforated Bowels? Anyone??

Here is an article from Catholic News Agency that follows the story of Abraham Hodari, a baby-killer in Michigan. Now the baby-killers are doing the killing against the mother's consent. Nice.

Here's a few more links about his botched baby-killings and other details.

This is a list of the cases filed against him, with gruesome details - punctured internal organs, babies burned with acid-like substances in abortions only to live and be severely deformed requiring numerous operations, teenagers requiring full hysterectomies after their babies were killed, women dying the same day as their baby-killings were performed.

But remember, abortion is "safe" - because obviously if something is legal that means it's safe.

Why, oh why, does the main stream media not pick up on this?? What favor are they doing to women by not reporting these kinds of things? Where is the real choice when the only choice the liberal, lefty feminists want is THEIR choice - to kill innocent lives and destroy humanity.

** Hat tip to Fr. Longenecker.

It's that time again.......

......to take a look at what is going on for and against the Right to Life.

Take this article from Life Site News:

By Kathleen Gilbert

HINSDALE, Illinois, October 23, 2009 (LifeSiteNews.com) - A Dominican nun has been seen frequenting an abortion facility in Illinois recently - but not, as one might expect, to pray for an end to abortion or to counsel women seeking abortions, but to volunteer as a clinic escort.

Local pro-life activists say that they recognized the escort at the ACU Health Center as Sr. Donna Quinn, a nun outspokenly in favor of legalized abortion, after seeing her photo in a Chicago Tribune article.

"I've called her sister several times, and she never responded," local pro-lifer John Bray told LifeSiteNews.com (LSN). "But it's her."

Amy Keane, a pro-life witness for 11 years, says Quinn has acted as escort for "six years, at least." Keane described one incident in which Quinn began shouting at the pro-lifers as they spoke to a woman about to enter the abortion facility.

"[Quinn] was so angry, and burst out very loudly so everyone could hear: 'Look at these men, telling these women what to do with their bodies!'" said Keane. "She was so angry, that it really took all of us aback." Keane says that the group was peaceful, and that the men present were not among those engaging the woman.

"For those of us who are Catholic, to have a member of a religious order so blatantly - it is so disheartening. It really is," said Keane. "She's participating actively in abortion. That is what is so disturbing for us."

Sr. Donna Quinn, OP, is renowned in the Chicago area as an advocate for legalized abortion and other liberal issues.

In 1974 she co-founded the organization Chicago Catholic Women, which lobbied the USCCB on a feminist platform before it dissolved in 2000. She is now a coordinator of the radically liberal National Coalition of American Nuns (NCAN), which stands in opposition against the Catholic Church's position on abortion, homosexuality, contraception, and the male priesthood.

While LifeSiteNews.com (LSN) was unable to reach Sr. Quinn for comment, NCAN's Sr. Beth Rindler confirmed to LSN that Quinn is still a member of their group, which favors unrestricted legalized abortion and disagrees with the teaching that abortion is intrinsically evil. "We respect women, and believe that they make moral decision, and so we respect their decisions," Rindler explained.

In a 2002 address to the Women's Studies in Religion Program at Harvard Divinity School, Sr. Quinn described how she came to view the teachings of her Church as "immoral": "I used to say: 'This is my Church, and I will work to change it, because I love it,'" she said. "Then later I said, 'This church is immoral, and if I am to identify with it I'd better work to change it.' More recently, I am saying, 'All organized religions are immoral in their gender discriminations.'"

Quinn called gender discrimination "the root cause of evil in the Church, and thus in the world," and said she remained in the Dominican community simply for "the sisterhood."

Sr. Patricia Mulcahey, OP, Quinn's Prioress at the Sinsinawa Dominican community, said in an email response to LSN that the nun sees her volunteer activity as "accompanying women who are verbally abused by protestors. Her stance is that if the protestors were not abusive, she would not be there."

Though Sr. Mulcahey claimed that her sisters "support the teachings of the Catholic Church," she declined to comment on Quinn's public protest of Catholic Church teaching.

Joe Scheidler of the Pro-Life Action League says Quinn came in contact with his own office in 1982, when she and a group of other pro-aborts picketed his building on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade.

"She figures it's part of her religion to take these women in and protect them, and get them abortions," said Scheidler of Quinn's recent activity. "Something dreadful has happened to make a Catholic nun become an escort at an abortion clinic - that's the lowest form you can reach, where you escort a woman with a living child in her into a place to have the child killed, and to ruin that woman's soul."

"If I didn't even believe in the humanity of the child - which of course would be crazy - even if I didn't, I would fight abortion for the sake of the women," Scheidler added. "They miss that baby, and they can't get it back. They never can."

To respectfully express concern (See: LSN Guidelines for Effective Communication):

Cardinal Francis George
Office of the Archbishop
Archdiocese of Chicago
PO Box 1979
Chicago, IL. 60690-1979
Phone: 312-534-8230
E-Mail: archbishop@archchicago.org

Sr. Patricia Mulcahey, OP
Prioress - Sinsinawa Dominicans
E-mail: Spatmul@aol.com

What I do not understand about these Sinsinawa Dominicans is there extreme need to be "feminists" - that is the liberal, lefty version of a feminists.

I wonder if they are in cohorts with the fine ladies over at Holy Wisdom Monestary. These exceptional women "changed" the Our Father to the "Our Mother". Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Good thing the Bishop of the diocese in which the "monestary" is located formally separated them from the Church - 'cause that ain't Catholic teaching.

Just like aiding in the sin of abortion ain't Catholic teaching either.

Pay It Forward, Take II

Ok, so maybe some of you feel a little, um, intimidated by having to offer up 3 handmade gifts in the pay it forward. It's ok. I understand.

But please! Not a one of you want something handmade from yours truly?

I offer some ideas. Handmade is, to me, synonymous with "homemade". A handmade gift can be something as simple as a cake (baked and mixed by hand, not necessarily from scratch), some muffins, a card, a Christmas ornament, something sewn, cooked, knit, crocheted, cross-stitched, glued, stapled, drawn......anything.

So please, someone leave a comment. I want to gift it forward. If you don't have a blog, or don't want to post the PIF to your own blog, that's fine.

Or maybe you'd feel less intimidated just doing 1 gift forward. I think that's fine.

I'll still pick 3 of you, or just one if that's all I get. I accept anonymous comments.....so if you don't have a google account just leave me a comment with your email.

Seriously. Or maybe the idea of getting something knit from me scares people. :O

So maybe I'll gift forward something easy and handmade, like food.

Pay It Forward

I stumbled upon a "Pay It Forward" over at The Sweet Sheep Blog. I was lucky enough to be one of the participants.

While I have yet to get my handmade gift - I do present the Pay It Forward to you.

Leave a comment on this post. I will pick 3 people. I will make you something (hence "handmade") and send it to you. I am giving myself some time, of course. You will get something from me in the next 365 days. Knowing my preference towards knitting, you can bet your handmade gift will be knit.

The only catch is that YOU have to put a "Pay It Forward" for 3 handmade items on your blog.

And so begins the gifting.

And this is why I don't vaccinate.......

This is very funny, but very true also. This is what they put into your vaccines......



Thanks to Sardonic Catholic Dad.

Old Hurts

Today, of all days, the devil rears his ugly head and puts into my mind the memory of old pains.

On my way to Mass today, listening to the radio, I distinctly could hear my husband uttering ugly truths to me just as he had done almost 3 years ago. As clear as day, I could see him in my mind, sitting on the couch in a therapist's office after spending 3 days away from our home. He sat there, looking completely pitiful, and told me the worst thing I could have ever imagined to hear.

So, what does one do? I have already reconciled these truths. I have already done much recovery, dealt with my OWN issues, hurt, cried, been angry, loved, and forgiven. What do I do when this hurt builds up behind me and takes me by surprise.

I did the only thing I could do - I took it to the Tabernacle. I took it there, and I left it there. (I hope.)

I was not able to participate in Mass as I would have liked. I spent the majority of Mass, save the Eucharist, in the narthex. So after Mass, I let my eldest son watch my younger two, with the help of his God-siblings, and I gathered myself up to go inside and pray.

I prayed hard. I didn't say anything very deep or rehearsed. I didn't even know what to say. I just asked Him to take it away. I asked for Love. I asked for somebody, preferably Him, to love me as I have never been loved. I asked Him to surround me with His infinite Love and fill my heart until it could hold no more.

Take that, Satan!

Knitting All Around

There has been an awful amount of knitting going on here. I will admit, the knitting is mostly due to my need to cope with stress. It is productive as well as relaxing. I feel as though I accomplish something, be it just a mitten, a sock, or even just a few rows or rounds of a rather simple sweater.

First up: Some yarn I dyed a long time ago. I call it "Taste the Rainbow". I dyed it with Kook-Aid and I love the way it looks. My husband tried to convince me to make him a hat out of it. I laughed at him.


This is the progress on my first lace project. I started this in May 2009. I do not like knitting lace. It's too thin a fiber for me to hold on to and I have a hard time distinguishing the different stitches from one another. This is the Swallowtail Shawl by, Evelyn Clark. It is a cute pattern, but lace is just not my thing. I have found renewed interest in finishing this and have been picking it up pretty regularly this month.



This is my progress on the Husband Sweater - so named as it is for The Man. It is the Seamless Hybrid Sweater from Knitting Without Tears, by Elizabeth Zimmermann. She is/was a knitting genious, what with her simple patterns and pithy directions. Love her.

I am enjoying knitting this sweater. But I do feel as though I will be knitting it FOREVER. My husband specified the chest size to match a favorite shirt of his. It is 59 inches around. I cast on 294 stitches. This is knit in the round, which is great. It does get a little boring doing the same stitch over and over again. This is my favorite "car knitting" to and from the ride to church.



And finally: My first pair of socks!! I made these for the boy and they are oh, so soft. He loves them and I loved making them. I love knitting in the round. I love the feel of my DPN's (double-point needles). I love turning the heel. I love shaping the gusset. I just love it all.

Aren't these heels just beautiful?

Here are the Boy's socks on my feet. Maybe I should keep them?

Oh, and today is my birthday. Thought you should know. :) Glad I get to go to Mass on my birthday, even if my husband has to work. :P

Cuteness? Anyone?

It seems to me that in this drought of blogging I have not given you anything sweet to lay your eyes upon. For your pleasure I bring you this:

Cuteness upon cuteness. He knows he's got my heart. Just look in those eyes. Can you even imagine anything more sweet?

And for my next trick: I present "Cyclops Blue"!

This is what happens when you don't use icing tips on the frosting tubes AND you don't know that the gel stuff runs. Freehanding a Blue's Clues cake is harder than you may think. Admitting that you even made a Cyclops Blue is even humbler.

And this is my baby girl having her candles blown our for her. Isn't she cute? She's three years old now. Too cute. Too old.

And just for fun is my little Lovey, eating his share of Cyclops. Love the frosty blue lips.

An Update....before I forget I promised to update

The outcome in court was not what we hoped for. The judge decided, relying heavily on the GAL, that our daughter should return to school immediately in the same school she was attending before - ya know, where the rapist goes to school.

On the bright side, if you can call it that, he did not hear arguements or makes any decisions regarding placement or custody. We will still have a hearing for that some time in the undisclosed future.

For now, we are back to the status quo. I drive the girls back and forth 45 minutes each way x 2 per day (that's 3 hours folks) to get them to school Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Sounds like fun to me.

Dispensed

Today is a beautiful day. Not just because it's another day He has given us - but truly a beautiful weather day.

My family and I had a nice drive into Mass and even made it ON TIME, despite the interstate road construction.

Our parish priest tends towards the heavy side on the incense, which I like. Today there was enough to set off the fire alarms. This has happened before. I chuckled to myself when it started.

Except, despite the best efforts of those responsible, they couldn't get them to stop. After 10 minutes of blaring alarms, through which the 1st and 2nd readings and the psalm was done, we were dispensed from our holy day of obligation.

As we drive the hour and a half back home I feel a little cheated.

I have nothing prolific to say. I just feel a little off.
(Updates on the court case to come soon...for those of you wondering.)

Yes, I Updated the Side Bar

I have updated blogs, links, etc. on the side bar.

I am sure you also have noticed the addition of a "donate" button over there. As I mentioned in the previous post, lawyers are expensive and we have been on the phone a lot. A LOT.

We do not have a land line and only use cell phones. We have had the same plan for 6 years. It has always been fine. Apparently, those "anytime" minutes get used up really fast when you are on the phone during the day with your lawyer, social workers, police officers, district attorneys, etc. My cell phone bill, which is normally reasonable, was $300 this month. We went over by 200+ minutes (in the daytime) and the charge per minute is outrageous. Not to mention that apparently, if you pay late and they disconnect you for 4 hours, you get charged $25 PER LINE to reconnect......but not until 2 billing periods later. We have more than one line. Ugh.

So, if the Holy Spirit moves you to, please make a donation. 100% of your donation will go to a good cause. No overhead here.