Thursday, June 11, 2009

Desperate Times

I have been dealing with a sociopath. Do you know what a sociopath is?

"Sociopaths are people without a conscience. They don't have the normal empathy the rest of us take for granted. They don't feel affection. They don't care about others. But most of them are good observers, and they have learned how to mimic feelings of affection and empathy remarkably well." (from above linked website)

I've encountered sociopaths before. In fact, I was living with and married to one for 7 years (my 1st husband). They are fairly common. I read the book "The Sociopath Next Door" (by Martha Stout) last year. It was enlightening, illuminative, and informative. It brings the world of the sociopath into a context that translates to everyday life and helps you to recognize the sociopaths around you.

Not only is my ex-husband a sociopath, but I also have a few family members who are sociopaths.

Unfortunately, there is no way to "cure" a sociopath. Your only chance for peace is to completely rid yourself of them. Cut them out of your life as fast as you can and don't look back. And it's no good trying to convince others that the person is a sociopath. They probably won't believe you since the sociopath is such a good actor and liar. Just get out and sever all ties to them.

Sociopaths are commonly narcissists, caring for nothing more than their own advancement. After all, when you do not feel love, empathy, or compassion, what else is their to live for but yourself. Their "goal" is to "win." Whatever the "game" may be.

My current sociopath, whom has had me duped for more than a year, is onto me being onto her and is now trying to sabotage my education/career. I have spent hours upon hours the last couple of days researching my options and trying to decide what, if anything, I can and should do.

Obviously, I need to get her our of my life. But it's not as easy as it sounds. This woman has conned many, many people in many different socio-economic circles that she is a loving, caring, intelligent individual who only has their best interests at heart. People idolize her and comment often on her sincerity. She has no problem, and is very good at, lying. In my last interaction with her, she told me a bold-faced lie at least 3 times.....lies which had actual evidence of what was the truth. She did this without conscience and even tried to make me feel guilty for insinuating that she lied and then attempted to appeal to me with pity and flattery.

Once she realized I was onto her, she started out with the flattery mode......interacting with me in a way that made me feel flattered without really saying anything overtly complimentary. Then, when she realized I wasn't really buying it (which was easy to do, because I am a bad emotional actor and I tried to act like I believed her, but I didn't do a very good job) she decided to try to and make me feel worried in a very clever and deceitful way and tried to make me feel as though I owed her.

I bet she is just LOVING all the angst she is causing in my life.

Hopefully I can figure out what to do to get this person out of my life so I can move on.

Read the book if you can, or just read the two articles I linked above. They may just change your life.

No comments: