Monday, February 21, 2011

Of two things I am certain

My cousin is not pregnant anymore and her son is dead.

Details are fuzzy at best. I spoke with my aunt (not her mom), who had talked to her mom (my other aunt) who passed on info.

I did try and call my cousin last night. I left her a voicemail as she did not answer her phone. I wonder if I was the only person who said, "It's ok to want your baby to live".

So - I talked to my aunt today. She had just gotten off the phone with my other aunt (cousin's mom). She said there was some bleeding and cramping last night (Sunday) and "they aborted her baby today". I asked if they killed the baby or did he die and they had to induce her to deliver. My aunt didn't know. She didn't ask. She said my other aunt just said she lost the baby. My cousin is already home.

I asked about this "life-threatening" tumor. Apparently they also took that out, biopsied, and sent it to the lab.

I asked where the baby is. My aunt says she didn't think to ask about that so she doesn't know.

I feel like it was really unfair of me to ask *her* all these questions. I should call and ask my cousin's mom. I want to call my cousin and offer her some kind of support.

I fear that he is in a medical waste bag, being taken our with the trash. My extended family is very big on "we just won't talk about it". I fear that my aunt (her mom) is saying things like, "it was meant to be" "don't worry about it" "it's just the way things are" "move on". No ome seems (granted, I've talked to one person) to realize A CHILD DIED. I know my cousin is going to feel grief and loss, probably very unexpected, from her don dying. I pray that it was because of God's will that he died and not because he was killed. That type of pain will haunt her forever.

I decided I am sending something to her. I don't know if it will be a card or letter or little knit hat or what (would a hat be too weird?). I just want to acknowledge her loss and his life.

I know Parker Thomas is in heaven now praying for us. Please also pray, Parker, for those who were unwilling to stand up for your life.

I am going to go knit something now because there is no way I will be sleeping. I have lots of knitterly things to share from my knitting buddy visit this weekend. Once the immediate fire from this horrible and tragic loss calms a bit I'll post again.


Anonymous said...

My heartfelt prayers going out for you and your cousin.
I suggest a shawl - you could do a quick, worsted weight shawlette. It is like a hug, and I treasure the shawl I made after my miscarriage. But anything you do will be lovely - an acknowledgement of her loss (whether natural or not) and a little love for her grieving heart.

Kim said...

She'll want something, something to acknowledge this precious life she lost. Making something from the heart is the best thing. There is a new blog out there just for this kind of situation. I think you'd find it helpful, and maybe, someday, she will as well. it's here: