Tuesday, February 22, 2011

A more official update....

I received this message from my Aunt, my cousins mother, today on FB:

Just an update that I didn't want to "share". M started to have cramps and bleeding on Friday night . She took the weekend off and did nothing but lay around. By Monday(possibly Sunday late) she had apparently miscarried. She went to the hospital Monday and they pretty much went in and took out what was remaining as well as the mass that was causing the problems. They sent it for a biopsy and she goes back on Friday for more bloodwork and follow-up. Her blood counts were ok but her enzyme levels were extremely high. She should be fine but we are still keeping our fingers crossed at this point. She was trying not to make any decisions until she could talk to D, but I guess God does work in mysterious ways. Thanks for the prayers. Love ya.

(D is Parker's Dad, he is in jail.)

My Aunt's official FB status today:

‎"70 degrees today and GOLFING! YEAH"

This pretty much made me want to THROW UP.

This is what I typed back:

So.....what did they do with the baby??? This is a person. He would have been about 14 inches long, with fingerprints and eyes. Did she get to see him? Or hold him? Or get pictures or foot prints? Or anything?

I find it extremely insensitive to say "they went in and took out what was remaining". They went in and helped her deliver her son. This is normal in this situation. Normally, a hospital also offers to take picutres and footprints when a baby dies this late along. My best friend's daughter died at 24 weeks and she has a memory box with her pictures in it.

I am very happy to hear that she did not decide to abort him. However, I do not think that God goes around telling people "You should take care of yourself and not others...." as you suggested maybe He as doing with this situation and Amanda.

You and my mom are very much alike. If a tragedy happened in my life I could totally expect my mom not to be there and not to interrupt her life to comfort me. Maybe you and Missy are not close. I just don't understand how you could have been golfing today.

I did NOT send this to her. I decided it just felt good to type it. And then I decided maybe I could get my anger and hurt and sadness for my cousin and her son out on here instead of to my Aunt (these were PRIVATE MESSAGES, btw, not FB wall posts).

Here is what I sent her:

I typed up something long and it felt good to get it out, but I am not going to send it to you.

Thanks for letting me know. I hope you had a great day golfing.

Do you have Amanda's address? I would like to send her something.

P.S. God NEVER asks us to sacrifice someone else for ourselves. Ever. He does ask us to *endure* sacrifice to make us stronger and bring us closer to HIM. But they are not the same thing.

I couldn't help but throw that last bit in there.

And now, I am done depressing you and exposing you to my bitterness over this situation. My best friend, C, gave me some great perspective information today. She has had to remind me of this often in our 12 year friendship: "H, your mother's side of the family is whacked. You are having a completely normal emotional response to this and they are not. Try not to be surprised." Thanks C. I love you.

1 comment:

Coffeybean Family said...

WOW. (This is coffeybeanfamily from RAV) I love your blog but this post....wow. What the?? Wow.

Sorry I am sitting here amazed.